It was around 1:10am and I was sleeping like a baby. At 1:11am, a massive thunder storm rolled into our bedroom because all I could hear in my left ear was the rumbling of what seemed to be thunder booming in my ear. But wait, that couldn't be right. If it were thunder, I would hear it in both of my ears. So I went on to the second most logical reason for the thunderstorm playing in my ear - water. I dug around in my ear to see if I could feel any kind of liquid in there. I shook my head like a mad man seeing if I could get the water in my ear to drain. And, out of pure desperation it seems, I actually turned my cellphone light on to see if we had a leak in our roof above me as I could think of no other way that water got inside of my ear. After shaking, checking, prodding and poking - no water.
What could it be then I thought? Oh I know, somehow my eardrum was randomly punctured and now fluid was leaking from my ear. Did I turn on my pillow to fast causing a suction so powerful that it blew my eardrum? Did Mandi yell so loudly during her dream that my delicate eardrum was shattered? And just like that it was gone....
...or so I thought. Just when I thought my eardrum had magically healed itself, I heard the thunder again. Only this time, it definitely sounded more like scratching than thunder.
Oh my. It's a bug.
This is when the pain started. Not only am I now convinced there is a bug in my ear, but I'm pretty sure its trying to chew its way through my ear drum. Maybe this is where the fluid is coming from? Okay Ronnie, enough with the fluid, just worry about the bug now. Ouch, the pain in getting worse. I cupped my hand over my ear and had it act like a plunger trying to unclog a toilet. In between each bite, I thought maybe I could somehow suck this bug out of my ear by some type of reverse vacuum pressure that I was creating. Strike one. I know, I'll get a bobby pin and scrape this little bugger out. I was deep inside my ear. He was angry. I kept scraping. He kept moving. I scraped harder. He stopped moving. Oh, great, now my ear is bleeding. I sure hope this is because I split him in half and not because he finally burrowed his way into my brain. Maybe I should get Mandi. It'd be much better to wake her up, explain to her that a bug is currently eating my brain and that I'm going to E.R. than it would be for her to find me facedown on the bathroom floor due to a bug eating my brain. Before I get Mandi though, I should probably Google this.
Shoot, my ear is still bleeding and this guy is moving all around again. Okay, so I didn't kill him, but I definitely cut myself. At least he's not in my brain though, that's a relief. I stick some q-tips in my ear to soak up and clean off some of the blood before heading to the computer.
Google says that my best bet is to A) Fill my ear with olive oil to kill the bug B) Stick a syringe full of water in my ear and blast it in my ear canal as to hopefully wash the bug out and C) Make sure all of the bug is intact and no part is left in your ear.
Seems easy enough.
I grabbed a syringe, filled it up with water and gave my ear a fireman hose blast (I skipped the olive oil). Nothing. Fill up the syringe again. Push....nothing. Okay, if this doesn't work, I may have to call in a professional. Third time is a charm right? Blast.
And that's when it happened. First, he hit my shoulder and then down into the sink he fell. And there he was, looking as relieved as I was to be rid of each other....
An earwig.
Of course.
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