Hospital Stays Are What You Make Them

ENTRY BY MANDI:

It’s hospital time again. I am actually a little excited about Ronnie being in for his tune-up - and no, it’s not because he’s gone for 3 weeks ;-). I never thought I would actually be excited for a hospital stay because I used to hate hospitals. I’ve never be admitted to a hospital, or spent much time in one outside of the quick ER visit (although we all know ER visits are never quick). They always felt cold to me with their white walls and stainless steal. Ronnie had no idea how much I hated hospitals the first time I went to visit him. I drove to Tucson from Phoenix, in a terrible thunderstorm, and when I got there, I was informed that the power was out. Yes, the power was out IN THE HOSPITAL, I didn’t know that could happen. It felt like I was stepping into a horror movie as his brother, Grant, lead me through the dark, deserted halls. It was like one of those scenes in scary movies where you want to yell at the character and say, “What are you doing? You NEVER go into a hospital when the power is out.” But after I spent my first few days with him, I began to feel comfortable, and actually began to enjoy it.

I like our hospital time together for two reasons. First, and this may sound funny to most people reading this, but it’s a special time for us. It’s a rare time where we have nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company (and enjoy it we do; we play games, listen to old John Jay and Rich shows, talk, play catch, watch TV (especially 48 hours, dateline) and the list goes on). I enjoy being there.

Secondly, it helps make CF real to me and helps me understand everything that comes along with it. I’m a worrier. I’ll worry about anything and everything. So for me, it helps if I can see what’s going on. If I weren’t there when he went into ICU, I would have been terrified and worried. If I weren’t there to see him on the BIPAP, I would have thought it was scarier. If I wasn’t there when he coughed up blood, I would have panicked. Being there helps me see that each thing isn’t as scary as my mind makes it. And while it makes all the “hospital things” less scary, it makes CF more real. Ronnie downplays his CF and how much it really affects him. When I’m in the hospital with him, however, I can see and hear things first hand - not his diluted, “it’s no biggy”, version (although I must admit, he sure makes me feel like he can handle anything that gets thrown our way, whether it’s related to CF or not, and I do love that about him). This helps me understand more about how he’s really feeling and just how serious CF can be because it’s easy to forget when I’m with someone that seems “healthy” so much of the time.

All in all, I’m excited for this stay - I want him out and home in two weeks. Lucky for me, I can work from anywhere now, so I’ll be able to be here all week, working during the day and enjoying our time at night.