Stuck in a rut

I recently received an email by someone that I consider to be a friend in the CF community. We've worked together on a project that had us talking every week for about 3 months and I was fortunate enough to get to know her and her husband. I feel invested in her and was honored that she would reach out to me in this situation. Her writing is in blue with my response in italicized black. It's split up like a conversation so it's easier to follow:

I read your blog post today and I feel like it really spoke to me. Last month my doctors gave me a "new baseline" lung function of 59-60 FEV1 which was down from 80. I stayed pretty positive. After all, I felt fine and was able to run a bit. I sat down and made a plan for myself to keep working out to be able to run 3 miles.  Then life happened. I got called into the hospital to work 3 out of the last 4 of my weekends (she tried the 4th but it was my wedding anniversary).  The girl I job share with has 2 kids who have been getting sick and passing whatever it is around her household.  Although most weeks I still got 2 days off at some point, there were stretches where I worked 8 out of 9 days. I was/am exhausted and now, puny. I'm coughing all night. I get winded doing laundry...much less running.  

First things first, this IS NOT your new baseline. You will simply not allow it to be. You will make the adjustments necessary because the two most important people in your life is your husband and you (You're the most important by default since you are your husband's most precious treasure...at least that's what I tell myself regarding Mandi ;) ) Was the crazy work schedule happening before the "new baseline" or after? 

Life happens to all of us. There are seasons of no problems and seasons of nothing but problems. The trick is to maintain our level of commitment to our health, even at the expense of some things we love in life. When I get sick and life is crazy, I basically have "no life". I handle my "have-to-dos" (in your case work) and outside of that, it's all about my health. If I'm not working, I'm at the gym or doing a treatment. It's no fun, no fun at all. Frankly, it sucks. But, when I'm in the season I always think back on two things: How I felt/feel when my health wasn't my priority, and the about the promise I made to Mandi. I promised her she would never be alone. Ultimately, there is only One person who can keep all promises, but I'll make sure that I do everything on my end to make sure I stay true to my word.

I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you do. I wish I could take it from you. I wish there was something I could do.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I got the "be proactive" lecture from my doctors and I've sent them an email asking what I should do.  I'm just frustrated because I feel like I can't win. Since my coworker has sick kids, I feel like saying "Sorry [name withheld] I can't trade you a day because I may get sick if I don't sit on my couch. You're going to have to tough it out." is so lame.  I'm not missing treatments, and I was exercising.  What more can I do?

Let me say what your excuse is actually, maybe not what she'll hear, but what's actually going on, "Sorry [name withheld], I can't trade you a day because I'm sick. I'm sick because my health is declining. My health is declining because I've been putting more into this job than into my health. I need to put myself first for at least a while and get back on track. You're going to have to make other arrangements.". That is NOT so lame. That's being selfless for your husband. I understand that she may have to find another job or spend (lose) money on different childcare, but frankly, it's either you or her. You'll be the one losing money (and other precious commodities) if your health continues to decline.

There are times in our lives when what we did before will not fit, or fix, the present situation. I lived for years doing the same amount of treatments and exercise all the while watching my lung function decline. I wasn't willing to adjust. I loved my job. I was good at it. I felt valued. I didn't want to give that up. The ICU and the threat of intubation quickly changed my frame of mind. Seeing a lung function in the 20's slapped me in the face. I new if I didn't change, I was going to die.

You're not there, but I don't want you coming even close to that.

My doctor suggested that I may want to try a less physical job...maybe at an outpatient clinic where the patients aren't as sick and don't typically have to be lifted or anything.  But there are no jobs around for that...especially not full time. We can't afford me not to be full time right now. 

I don't think the physicalness of the job is the bad thing (in fact, it could be good). But being exposed to sickness can drastically alter your course. I've never been as sick with non-CF sickness as I was for the past year. I have a little girl who loves to give kisses, and I don't turn them down. I catch what she has almost every time. It's been hard. I'm trying to make adjustments, like washing my hands more and less kisses, but it's real hard. However, I know she'd rather have a living daddy who doesn't kiss her as much than a dead one not kissing her at all.

As far as the job situation, all you can do is to keep your eye out. Also, I'd rather see YOU make the decision to switch jobs, go part time, change careers, etc. than you being forced to change because of a decline in health. 

I realize now that I'm reading this over again, I'm kind of dumping a lot out there. Sorry.  I just wanted to see if you had any ideas. 

Listen, I'm always here for you. Always. You're one of my faves and I actually hurt a little bit reading all of this. I wish I had the answer. All I can do is share with you what I've learned over the years with my (good and bad) choices and you have to take it from there. 

Please never, ever hesitate to reach out.

I'm glad to hear you're doing so well! Your baby girl is adorable by the way. I like seeing all her cute fb pictures. :)

Thank you. Mckenna is just very fortunate that she has a smoking hot mom who passed down half of the genes ;)

**Update: She has been focusing on nothing but work and treatments/exercise for the past couple of weeks and is starting to feel much better. Sometimes a "boring life" is just what we need for a while!!**

What Brought Me Into The Hospital

What brought me in the hospital this time, is basically what brought me in the hospital last time - the inability to fight off whatever cold/flu/virus/"insert name here" that I was battling. When I came in the last time, January 7th, I had been fighting a cold since December 15th. When I came in this time, May 3rd, I had been fighting a cold since about January 23rd. Now, that's not to say that I have felt terrible for the last 3 months, that's certainly not the case, but I've probably only been on top of my game about 3 weeks total. It's been full of days (and nights) of throat clearing, nose blowing and throat lozenges sucking that finally made it's way to my lungs.

When I was released from the Hole on January 21st, I blew a 75% FEV1. That's the highest number I've seen in the hospital since 2003. I was VERY encouraged especially since I was coming off a terrible cold over the holidays. I was looking forward to working my booty off and seeing if I could push that number a little higher. Unfortunately, I started sniffling again about 2 days after my release. I was still able to workout, and of course do all of my treatments, but I wasn't able to attack my body with the kind of effort that I usually give. One and a half months later, I had a follow-up clinic appointment - I blew a 63% FEV1. I was certainly disappointed, but not at all shocked. Exercise is what keeps me at the top of my game and I hadn't been able to exercise like a normally do (a lot more walking than running). The team was a little concerned and asked if I needed some sort of intervention and I declined thinking I was on the mend of whatever I was battling.

I started Cayston shortly thereafter and had a few weeks that I felt great. I was running like normal. I was able to push myself. I didn't have a sore throat. My snot wasn't green. I wasn't going through a box of tissue a day. I felt good.

Fast forward to the third week in April. The wheels started coming off the bus. I started up again with a stuffy nose, sore throat and coughing, but I was confident that it wouldn't last long. I was wrong. The fourth week of April I was worthless. I basically laid in bed or on the couch all day doing treatments and then I'd be in bed by 8:00pm every night. I was trying like heck to fight off whatever it was I was battling. I found myself with less and less energy, and worse, symptoms becoming bigger and more pronounced. It all came to a head when on the night of April 27th, I coughed up quit a bit of blood (1/4 cup to 1/2 a cup). I then knew that whatever I had was not just isolated to my head and sinuses.

I called the team on that Monday, after coughing up more blood, to see what they wanted me to do. To be honest, I was calling to see if we wanted to start an oral antibiotic because I really didn't want to go back in the Hole. My pride was getting in the way since it had only been three months since I was last in. After describing my symptoms (blood, pain, shortness of breath, fever), they recommended a lung x-ray to make sure nothing major was going on. Thankfully, the x-ray came back negative, and the plan was to start an oral and inhaled antibiotic and keep them updated. I only continued to go downhill. (I ran a 101 to 102 fever for the entire week)

I fought like crazy on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but on Thursday, the white flag was waived. I knew I needed help. Whatever it was that was going on, I couldn't beat it down "on my own" (its never actually on my own). I swallowed my pride and I called the team. They set up a clinic appointment for me on Friday (May 3rd) and I also did some PFTs. I blew a 57% FEV1. That's a far cry from the 75% I blew a few months earlier. We all agreed that a stay in the Hole was necessary.

So here I am. Writing to you from my bed at UMC Hospital. Doing what I need to do for my family. Not something I wanted to do, but in the big picture, it's not about me, it's about them. If I needed to live here to be able to have the chance to spend more time on this earth with my wife and daughter, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Now, it's all about doing what I need to do in here to maximize my time and hopefully my health.

I raised the white flag last week. I'm looking forward to waiving the checkered one soon.

The Sniffles and Sneezes

She's done it again!

Looks like I managed to catch another little bug that my own personal germ factory was able to pass onto me. In fact, I wasn't the only one in the house to get it, but I'm sure the biggest weeny about it ;)

It all started on Friday with a sore throat and ear ache after a 2.5 hour marathon with the folks at Cox Communications over someone dropping the ball and getting our service turned off. When I started to feel the symptoms, I figured they were just part of the stress and annoyance that Cox had put me through and hoped I would be better by morning. It got a little worse over night and I woke up with a fuller head, sorer throat and achier body (I'm surprised spell check didn't come up for any of those words).

It was not ideal that Saturday was moving day for my brother.

My mom, brothers Grant and Andrew, and I spent most of the day packing up his old apartment and getting him moved over to a new house that he is renting a room at. Fortunately for us, he didn't have a whole lot of stuff, but his apartment was on the second floor and we had to park the trucks about a half football field away. Moving him out was definitely more difficult than moving him in. I lived on vitamin C drinks, throat lozenges and tylenol that day. We got through it just fine and Andrew has quite the set-up at his new place!

Needless to say, I was dead asleep by about 8:15pm on Saturday night. That may be the earliest I've gone to bed since I was about 7.

Sunday and Monday were much of the same in terms of symptoms. Sore throat. Full head. Achy ears, etc. They were both fantastic days though! Sunday was all about family and church. Monday I traveled down to U of A College of Medicine a gave a talk about my approach to pharmaceutical health care vs that of a provider. It went well and I think I only had to blow my nose one time :) Bedtime was much of the same (down by 830 each night) and I think that has helped the most on my road to recovery.

Today, Tuesday, has been the best day so far and I'm looking forward to being symptom free in a couple of days!! One can hope right?

I just figure I'm building up tolerance before we bring germ factory number two into the picture :)

Coughs, Sniffles, and Sore Throats

It's that time of year again. Time for coughs, sniffles, and sore throats. We had a round make it through out house hold around Christmas, and it seemed like we just continued to pass it around with my brother and sister-in-law and my parents. Another round has made it into our house now, and man does it make me thankful for good health.

I got it first, and have been battling a headache from the congestion and sore throat since. Then I ever so kindly passed it to Ronnie, and Mckenna has a bit of a cough now, but doesn't seem to be feeling terrible. I will say, the cough goes nicely with her recently "cured" pink eye. I tell you what, we're a germ factory right now.

Anyways, when I'm sick there are always a couple things I LOVE doing:

- Having lazy days - Lazy days look very different with a toddler than they used to. All you parents out there know exactly what I'm talking about. There's no laying on the couch all day long. That said, we made a point to lay around as much as possible this weekend.

- Sleep - I LOVE sleeping. And when I'm sick, I love sleeping even more. Nights have been a bit wacky because Mckenna still is having funky sleep (who knows if it's a cough, the pottytraining, the fact that Ronnie was gone, then back, than gone again). But I am thankful that I have been able to sneak in a nap or two.

- Chicken noodle soup - Chicken noodle soup is always good, but it's especially good when you can slurp some of the broth down a sore throat.

- Snuggles - I'm a cuddler in general, but I especially like to cuddle when I'm sick. I'm so thankful Ronnie is home to snuggle since he was gone for a tune-up and traveling to speak much of January...that said, that may be what passed it on ;-)

Anyways, the nice thing about being sick is it sure makes you thankful for good health, so I am thankful for that reminder! But now I'm ready to get rid of this cold from the house so we can all get back to our normal selves!

Time to Call In the Cavalry!!

It all started the night of December 22nd. Before turning it in for the night, I told Mandi that I would wake up with a sore throat that next morning. Despite taking some preventative measures, sure enough, I awoke the next morning with a nearly closed and sore throat. That's how it all started. It was closely followed by a runny nose, a stuffy nose, a "full" head and an ear ache. I knew that my only chance to fight through it would be increased treatments, rest and fluids. With the holidays fast approaching, I knew this would be tough.

Thanks to my wife, I was able to rest quite a bit in the weeks that followed. In fact, I was still in bed at 10:30am on December 23rd! I don't think I've stayed in bed that long since I was in college. I also stuck to my usual 3 to 4 treatment sets a day, but with Mandi's help, was able to extend many of the sessions from 30 minutes, to 1 full hour. It also helped to have so much family around to share of the burden of looking after Miss Mckenna. As you can imagine, she's as active as ever, always moving and quite the energy drain!!

I battled with all that I had over the holidays, but unfortunately, things continued to get a little bit worse. This cold/virus/what have you continued to make its way down my body into my chest, stomach and joints. My cough my junkier than normal. My mucus production had increased. My cough was more frequent. Every joint in my body ached. And food started to look less and less appealing.

I had some days that were better than others, but there has not been a day since December 23rd that I've felt better than 75%, with most days being closer to 30% or 40%.

In somewhat of a serendipitous moment, I happened to have a long-standing CF clinic appointment on January 7th. This was the same clinic appointment that just a few weeks earlier I was thinking about rescheduling into February, but never quite got around to it. I'm so glad that I kept it for this past Monday.

In the week leading up to clinic, I had gotten worse in terms of my cough and mucus production. I started sleeping upright with a cough drop in my mouth just to try and make it through the night. It didn't work all that well and most nights I was up coughing a majority of the time. I tried NyQuil, Tussin CF, Robitussin 8 hour cough relief, cough drops and a combination of all of those with no success. I'm sure that they helped, but not enough to get a decent nights sleep.

And for me, the biggest problem that I had during this two week battle with whatever it is - I've only been to the gym twice. That's just simply unacceptable. That's what keeps me at my best and out of the Hole.

I knew that I was going to have to call in the cavalry. And on January 7th, the cavalry agreed.

So that's where we are today. I called for help and help arrived in the form of a hospital stay. If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know that that is a-ok with me! I'd rather feel cruddy in here with a chance to get better, than cruddy at home getting worse. For me, it's so important to get in here before I hit the bottom and instead, catch myself on the way down. I'm very fortunate, that at least according to my PFTs, whatever this is hasn't affected my lungs negatively all that much.

They say I sound worse than I usually do, but they also say that I sound pretty good. I was expecting a low FEV1 for me, but instead I blew a 65%. I was shocked and relieved. I think the work I put in before I got sick and the work I put in during (with the help of my best ever wife Mandi) is the only reason I didn't see a drastic dip. We were joking at the clinic appointment that it could also be that I'm coughing more than normal and clearing what feels like gallons worth of gunk every day.

Anyway, I'm so thankful for the cavalry. I'm thankful for their trust in me. I'm thankful that they gave me the opportunity to put myself in the best position to succeed. I'm thankful for their support of me and my family. I'm so thankful that I have a cavalry that works as hard as I do.

Tired vs. More Tired

As I boarded the plane on Friday afternoon to Cincinnati, I couldn't help but think how Mckenna's doctor appointment would turn out. She was burning up earlier that day and was just "off". She wanted to snuggle even more than usual and was very content to snooze for hours and hours in our arms. She's a very loving and snuggly girl, just usually, not that snuggly and loving. I finally got the news when I landed in my destination - Influenza A. Mckenna had 103 temperature and now we knew why.

There were two thoughts that entered my mind as soon as Mandi told me the news: 

I'm glad that we have an answer as to why she was off.

I'm glad that I'll be away from her for a little bit...followed by asking Mandi to find my Tamiflu prescription. 

Mandi was told to give Kenna some liquid tylenol to break the fever as well as some Tamiflu of her own to try to stave off some of the symptoms. It seemed to work almost immediately as Mandi saw improvement the next day. I got back into town on Saturday night and Mckenna seemed to be steadily improving through Sunday. She's definitely not 100% as her sleep has been disrupted more and she's not totally interested in eating, but we are seeing a lot of improvement.

I started taking Tamiflu the night I got back to do my best to avoid any of the crud, and so far, so good...I think. I did wake up with a sore throat and an ear ache, which has lasted throughout the day, but I don't have a fever as of now. I was also pretty devoid of energy all day, but that's pretty common for me after a couple days of travel with such a short turn-around time. Needless to say, I had a major case of the Mondays plus whatever the heck, if anything, was going on.

The last thing I wanted to do was exercise. Through some dumb motivational luck, I ended up seeing this post on Facebook:

Its days like today that I need you guys the most. I am physically tired and still sore from the run the other day. I would usually skip exercising because I am tired. But I know I need to stick to my schedule that I made. My schedule is to exercise mon wed fri as long as I am not coughing up blood. So being that I am tired and unmotivated, what are some good exercises that I can do that won't make me too exhausted????

To which I responded:

When I'm tired or exhausted I think to myself - will I get more tired if I exercise? Which is followed by, what's the difference between being tired and more tired? That's generally followed by whatever workout I planned on doing that day :)

Hearing my own advice is just what I needed!! There's no way I could "preach" without following through in my own life. Right after I typed that out I asked Mandi if she'd like to go for a walk. We ended up doing a 20 minute walk which was followed immediately buy a 25 minute run/walk that I went on while she fed Mckenna at home. 

As is always the case, I was so glad that I pushed it and did my regular workout even though I was feeling a bit under the weather and tired. I've said this many times, but it is so true - You'll never regret doing a workout!! My natural instinct is to want to shut it down and rest, but I've been led astray by my natural instinct before. It's just SO IMPORTANT that were moving as much as possible. This is especially true when we're sick. The last thing we want is for whatever is going on in our head to make it's way to our lungs. 

It's times like this that we must do anything and everything to keep our lungs breathing deeply and with purpose. You don't have to do everything when you're sick, but you should definitely be doing something!!

Coming Down With A Cold

The past few days I have had a headache for most of the day, but mostly on my left side. My left ear has also been painful to the point that I'm always tugging at it. Finally, the left side of my throat has been pretty sore and I try to avoid swallowing food past that side (pretty much impossible by the way). So I don't know if I'm coming down with something or my body is just being a jerk, but either way, I've taken my usual steps to combat anything that may be going on.

This is my go-to checklist when I feel myself getting non-CF sick:

First thing I do is step it up on my treatments. The last thing I want to happen is for whatever is going on in my head to make it down to my lungs. I make sure come you know what and high water that 3 treatments a day is the minimum but I really shoot for 4. I also try to focus more on my breathing while doing the treatment. You guys know how it is. Sometimes surfing online can make a treatment go by so fast that we barely even noticed it was there...and that's notalways a good thing.

I always try to "drown" my system when I'm feeling a little sick. I drink a lot of water on most days, but I focus on going overboard on the days I feel a little off. Water makes up most of our being and the world, so I figure it must be good for something right? Some say that it helps to

flush out toxins, some say it helps to keep everything moving, some say it acts as fuel for our natural bug fighting machine, and I say that it just makes me feel better so I do it!

Another thing that I always do when I have a sore throat or stuffy head/nose is reach for the salt water. This is a little thing that I picked up from my grandpa while I was young. My gramps was known for sniffing salt water every night and he swore by it's healing effects. I can tell you this - nothing clears out my stuffy nose like sniffing salt water, and if I gargle the stuff, I'm almost guaranteed not to wake up with a sore throat the following morning. It is a home remedy that always seems to do wonders for me.

The last thing that I should do, but is pretty hard for me to get down, is just simply resting. I always feel like I get worse when I slow down. I know that it's not the case all of the time, but it still plays with my mind. The problem is, a good hard workout will sometimes get me right back on the path of feeling great, while other times it can push me down the path of feeling like crud. I never quite know which way it will go until after my workout.

So that's about it. Those are my go-to's when I feel myself starting to come down with something. What about you guys? Any extra steps that you take when you feel yourself "coming down" with something?

A Mental Break

Yesterday was just what I needed. After a three days of working and traveling across the country, I needed to just unwind. It started with a nice long walk with Jezzabel in the morning. I went from a place (Long Island) with a high of 25 while I was there, to walking my dog at 9 o'clock in the morning with shorts and a t-shirt on. When I got back, my beautiful wife had some coffee ready and I vegged out on the couch for a bit catching up on the U of A game that I had missed on Saturday. I was able to get in all of my treatments today without issue and even got out for another long walk with Jezzabel (we even brought Mandi with us the second time). Yesterday was just a great physical and mental break for me.

Now, anytime that I have days like that, I'm certainly not able to completely disconnect from my normal duties, but I don't feel as pressured to get them done right away. As I sit and type this, I know that I still have e-mails to return, comments to reply to and some loose ends to be tied, but there isn't such a sense of urgency. It's nice to feel that once in a while. I turn right around and leave for another short trip today, but this time it's a much more manageable plane ride to Vegas. Which remind me, if anybody wants to meet up, let me know. I won't have too much free time, but I may be able to sneak in a coffee at some point late Tuesday or early Wednesday.

Point is, sometimes we just need to unplug and recharge. This is especially important when I start to feel a little worn down physically. All of the coughing up blood certainly didn't help last week (proud to report that I haven't coughed up any since Friday) but I think I may be on the mends now. I'm just looking forward to getting through these next few days and taking the weekend to unwind again. I'm looking at a possible hospital stay in mid-February and the hope is that I can maintain my lung function and my overall health until I can get in there. Wish me luck, I'm sure it will all work out :)

How I REALLY Feel!!!!

I wanted to follow up on a great post that Mandi did yesterday with my thoughts on the subject. If you didn't read her post, make sure you click here. It was basically about Mandi, for the first time, really exploring how CF really felt for me. First thing I want to make sure you guys know, is that Mandi is very attentive to my every need and she has asked me time and time again how I feel and what my lungs feel like. The fact that yesterday was the first time that she felt she got a deeper look is completely my fault. As she eluded to, I'm not one to really think about how I feel and if I do, I usually the last one to verbally express it. A fellow cyster put it well today when she said

"imagine u cut your finger pretty deep while chopping veggies one morning. u would notice it alot at first but if , say , you've got into a really good show on tv u would stop noticing as much quickly. probably u would think about it more in the commercial break..etc i think cf is like that and things have to be newly or excessively bad for us to REALLY notice"

I think that's a really good analogy. Often times when I'm not feeling great, I just try to distract myself. I don't sit around thinking about all of the parts of my body in pain or the fact that my lungs feel like they weigh 400 lbs. No, I choose to either do things that can possibly help that pain or sickness go away or I simply don't acknowledge it. Actually, I shouldn't say that, I'm very in tune with my body and generally

know exactly what needs to be done. So, I acknowledge my pain or sickness within myself, but I rarely verbalize it. It's of course important not to ignore our bodies and pretend nothing is going on. That's how we can crash and burn pretty quickly (just look back to the beginning of 2009 if you want to see that in my life). Yes, it's important to acknowledge what's going on, but then it's equally important to respond in the correct manner. If you're felling bad this usually means increased activity, treatments or a trip to the doc. One thing I will say, as I've gotten older, I've learned to respond better.

Which leads me to my next and most important point- just because I feel this way from time to time or sometimes often DOESN'T mean your child feels this way. I repeat, I may have lung pain almost everyday, your child may NEVER have lung pain. I saw too many comments yesterday that led me to believe that parents were freaking out that their children felt horrible all of the time and just didn't know how to express it. While this could be the case, chances are, it's quite the opposite. Your child probably feels absolutely fantastic most of the time.

I didn't "feel" CF until I was in my early to mid-20's. That's not to say I didn't see the affects of CF. I've been doing multiple treatments every day from the first time I was able to form a thought. I've been in and out of the hospital for tune-ups since I was 8. I've been consistently coughing up blood since I was 12. I

"died" when I was 17. This isn't to scare you, this is to show you that although that stuff was going on, I still felt FANTASTIC. I often said that "I don't really know I have CF unless I'm in the hospital or doing my treatments". I was too busy hiking 10 mile hikes every Sunday at the age of 8. Too busy playing football, baseball, basketball and soccer at the age of 12. And most importantly, graduating from high school and figuring out what college I would attend at the age of 17.

It wasn't until I was out of high school and started blowing off taking care of myself that things started to change. I must stress however, I've always been faithful with hospital stays and treatments. Here's what I wasn't though, flexible. I thought since I only had to do 1 to 2 treatments a day in high school to feel awesome I could pull off the same thing in college. (Sound buzzer) I was wrong. When my activity level dropped, my treatments should have increased. They didn't. Then I got sucked into the faulty thinking of, "well, I'm getting older, lung functions will drop as I get older". Seriously, screw that! I'm so mad that I fell for that crap. My lung functions didn't drop because I was getting older. They didn't drop because I had CF. They didn't drop because "that's just what happens". They dropped because I was immature and didn't adapt to my circumstances. They dropped because my favorite bar to go to was full of smoke. They dropped because I stopped working out. I didn't start to "feel CF" because I had CF, I started to feel CF because of me and the choices I made.

I'll leave you with this quote from our sermon this past Sunday as I feel it really speaks of my CF journey these past handful of years:

"Being mature isn't how much you know, it's what you do with what you know"

Fight of My Life

Guest Post by Lindsay Conde

We’ve all been there, well many of us have. You know what I’m talking about, the “wake up and smell my reality” moment. The “whoa”, “ah-hah”, or “holy sh#t” moment. This is specifically the point at which, despite our most valiant efforts to ignore it, the truth about our health situation smacks us right in the face. I, personally, have had two of these. One happened when I was still a “child.” I mean I was 20, but still behaving like a juvenile. The other was more recent, in January it will have been 2 years. Two years since that instant, the smack.

Some choose to look at this experience negatively but not me. Although I do not remember the event fondly, I view it as somewhat of a turning point for me. Here is my story…..

At the time, I was 26 years old, had been married for over 2 years, and had my beautiful son. Life was good and I truly felt blessed. We lived about 30 minutes away from my parents. My CF clinic and doctors were in Nashville, but I had a local doc in Knoxville. I started to come down with something around the second week in January. My usual symptoms: sore throat, increased cough, coughing up more mucus, fever, and lack of energy. So I immediately made an appointment with my doctor. They saw me, prescribed Cipro for 14 days, and sent my sick butt home. After several days of being on the antibiotic, one night my fever spiked big time. I took my O2 sats, to find out that I was at 91, when I usually hover around 97/98. I was having quite a bit of trouble breathing, so my husband took me to the emergency room. On the way, he called my parents and they met us at the hospital. I remember feeling really weak, so much so that they put me in a wheel chair once we entered the ER. But, I had no idea just how bad things would get. In the ER, they took my blood pressure, 02 sats (89), temperature (102.8), all the usual stuff. They also did a chest x-ray and found “double pneumonia”. I was admitted right away and hooked up to an IV for immediate antibiotics and steroids. They put me on oxygen (4-6 liters if I remember correctly) and took a ton of blood. After 5 days in the hospital, my 02 sats had bounced back up to 96, so they discharged me. I was sent home with a PICC line and IV antibiotics and oral steroids. I went home, though I was not feeling much better. (And that was the last time that I ignored my inner voice, my gut telling me what I know is best for me) I was home with my husband and son for 24 hours.

The following evening, the same thing happened all over again. My fever spiked, my sats dropped, and I could not breathe. Once again, my poor husband rushed me to the local ER. Once again I was admitted immediately. Another chest x-ray was done, which showed the pneumonia consuming my lungs. Things were much worse now and my whole body felt it. I was barely conscious, in a lot of pain, and on 6 liters of oxygen. I had never felt so weak and scared. After 4 days in the hospital, I was still sleeping a lot. One morning I awoke to what I think was the sound of the doctor talking to my husband outside my room door. For all I know, I dreamt the whole thing. But in the conversation between a professional and my worried husband, the words “she is not responding to treatment” were mentioned. My husband asked about the options, to be given unappealing choices. It was then that I heard him beg the doctor for more time, more time on the antibiotics. He pleaded with the doc that “my wife is a fighter and is so strong, she can beat this!” I remember at that moment feeling unbelievable fear. This was the first time that oral and IV antibiotics weren’t working.

My health continued to decline and I was just feeling worse and worse. Was it possible that I was not going home? Was I going to die in here? What if I never made it home to hug my little boy again? All these thoughts and questions came flooding into my mind. I was desperately trying to remember the last time I told everyone I loved them, that I hugged them, and expressed how much they mean in my life. Every second spent with my husband and son was flashing before my eyes. The smiles, the laughs, and the tears all seemed so distant but beautiful. I couldn’t possibly say goodbye to my little boy, I had promised to always protect and be there for him. Realistically, if I left him now….he would never have any memory of me.

It was right then that I actually felt myself getting angry. I was angry at my situation and at myself for being so pessimistic. I was also indescribably furious at the idea of never seeing my son graduate high school, never dancing with my sweet husband on our 10^th (or 20^th or 30^th, etc) anniversary, at all the things I would miss out on in my family’s life. Then came a moment of absolute clarity for me. I was dealing with this all wrong. I was looking at the big picture and trying to tackle this monster all at once. Individual’s rarely succeed with that type of strategy. I needed to take control of things one at a time, start with something small and build on that. I was going to beat this, to kick this pneumonia’s ass…but I needed to be realistic about it. It had wore me down, but I was by no means out. I decided right and there that I was going home to my son. I was going to hug him again, and kiss him, and play with him. No matter how much time it took, I was going to conquer this demon and find my way back to he and my husband and our (semi) normal life. So when my husband came back into my hospital room, I asked him to bring me something from home. It may sound silly or even trivial, but I asked him to bring me my makeup bag. My plan was to start feeling better on the outside in order to gain back my strength and heal the inside. So when he came back with that makeup bag, I asked him to help me take a shower. He so lovingly did, and then helped me blow dry my hair, and put on some makeup.

I was in the hospital for a total of 3 and ½ weeks, but I made it home. When I walked through that front door, I wasn’t 100% back to my old self. I still had my PICC line and my regiment of treatments and meds to do several times a day. But I was better and continuing to improve. I have never really been the type of person that allows other people to dictate my capabilities. Once I set my mind to do something, it gets done! That’s part of why I fell in love with my husband, because he is the same way. We sit around occasionally and talk about how hard that time was and how scared we both were. But I know, that with the right mindset, him by my side, and my family in my corner…..I can take on the world

Bio: Hello Everyone! My name is Lindsay and I am 28 years old and living with CF. I was diagnosed as an infant, after my older sister passed away from CF when she was just 5 months old. So, that makes me the oldest of 3 siblings in my family that deal with Cystic Fibrosis everyday. Life has most definitely been full of its' challenges, but also its' blessings. If you would like to know more about me, or about my "challenges", feel free to ask :) Until then, I am so happy to be here and would love to get to know you all.

The First Day Back!!!

Well, it's my first day back...and it feels like my first day back :) I always have this same sort of "foggy" feeling when I first get out of The Hole.

So am I the only one? Do any of you feel a little "off" when you first get out of the Hole? If so, what does it feel like?

Thankful for a Head Cold???

No matter what is going on, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for! Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, the challenges that we push through can provide many reasons to be thankful in the future. Each day that we are shaped by adversity, makes us a day closer to knowing who we truly are....

I've Got To Get This Mucus Out!!!

I hate to admit it (this is all part of being accountable), but this last week was a TERRIBLE week for working out. I managed to get some really good and long walks in, but I haven’t set foot in a gym. Mandi’s dad flew in from China (he works over there) and we’ve all been hanging out non-stop since he’s been here. So, if you’d like to send some hate mail, please send it to Mandi’s Dad 14151 E Hanging Out St. Excuses, AZ. Luckily I had some really good runs before he got into town so the transition back into it shouldn’t be that painful.

I’ve also been battling something that’s been going on since this weekend. We headed to the Breath of Life Gala in Tucson on Saturday and I was feeling a “little off”. It has since come to my attention that my little brother (whom I hung out with) is now having flu like symptoms. Now some of it may be mental, but ever since I knew that he was sick I seem to be getting worse J Yesterday I felt like I was hot all day and my lungs felt really junky. I ended up doing a couple of extra vest treatments to try a shake all of the junk loose.

So, I must say that something must be going on cause today I’ve been coughing up a bunch of dark or light brownish/orangish colored mucus. I’m pretty sure how I’m feeling isn’t mental cause mucus doesn’t lie. Now all I want to do is get this crud up and out. I can’t wait to go for a run later and cough my brains out. In fact, I’ll finish this blog when I get back from my run and tell you how it went. Stay tuned….

Ok, I'm back from my run....just a second, have to catch my breath and try not to throw up on this computer screen.--(Panting proceeds for approximately 3 minutes)--Alright. Wow, I can't believe how much stamina I can lose in five days. That run was 10 minutes of torture. If you're wondering why I only did ten minutes, and I don't blame you, it was because that was my goal for today. I wanted to "ease" back into it and try to fully recover from whatever has been going on in my lungs before I pushed it too much. The last couple of days my mucus has gotten really dark and even a little rusty/orangish color. It could be some old blood or just something that stained my mouth, but either way, I'm not worried. I've been coughing a ton of it up today and feel better than I did most of the weekend.

I'm sure glad I pushed through tonight. I seriously felt like I was going to puke the whole time we were running and I still had a bloated belly from our late lunch. Worse yet, my burps smelled like the sushi we had. YUCK! We managed (or should I say I managed, Mandi was fine) to push it and even picked up the speed towards the end. All I know is that I can't make any excuses this next week and I have to get back in the groove!

What do you guys find is the most affective way for YOU to get the mucus up and out?

Blow The House Down! PFT Results Within...

Now I know that I usually give you direct workout related posts on Wednesdays, but due to some super exciting news, I'm changing it up a bit. The thing is though, that what I'm about to tell you has EVERYTHING to do with what working out has made possible.

Yesterday I had quite a busy CF day. Not only did I have a clinic appointment, but I also had my drug study appointment as well. For those of you who don't know, I am currently on the head-to-head TOBI vs. AZLI study. I was assigned TOBI, which was no big deal because I'm already on it and the only difference now is that I get paid to do it!

First was my clinic appointment. I've been feeling a little off the last couple of days and after describing my symptoms, the nurse was worried that I may have the flu (which was later dismissed by my doctor). I wasn't feeling all that confident for my PFTs (click to see video of old PFT test) but it's clinic and that's what I went there to do. I'll spare you anymore story and just get to the good news: I blew my highest FVC since 2005 and my highest FEV1 since 2007!!! My numbers were 83%/68% using the same module that I used prior to this year. When adjusted to this years module they were still 80%/67%. To see a full history of my PFT scores please click here.

The second part of this story is also quite interesting. Remember that I also had my drug study appointment later on that day. Well at the drug study appointment I also had PFTs and get this, they were 4% LOWER. In just three hours my lung function dropped 4%? No way. That tells me (at least) two things: PFTs are finicky tests that do not always produce completely accurate lung function numbers and they were also done using two different machines which can also produce different scores. I often "preach" not to put too much weight on your PFTs because of this exact reason. It's SO much more important how you feel. Chances are, if you feel great, your PFT's will reflect that. Sometimes when you feel like crud, your numbers will reflect that also. It's not always the case however, yesterday I wasn't feeling all the great and ended up having my highest numbers in YEARS.

For me, it's ultimately how you feel and if you can maintain your energy to take care of yourself. My last hospital stay my PFTs weren't down at all, but I wasn't able to exercise and run the way I wanted to. My energy and drive were zapped. But after 2 weeks in the hospital, my numbers rose just a bit and I was able to get out and start on my exercise program again. Since then, my numbers have been on the rise!

I really hope that this can serve as a source of inspiration to those of you who are just thinking about starting a running program or being more faithful with your treatments. Take a look around, there are a countless number of CFers who have shown that with a little bit of hard work and commitment you CAN make a difference in your lung function. But here's the deal, no one can do it for you. It comes down to a choice that YOU have to make for YOU....question is, are you in?

Making The Hospital Feel Like Home

Ronnie's been feeling pretty awesome lately (can I get a WOOT WOOT?). He'll probably need a tune up in a month or so, but in the mean time, he's doing great. However, we know a few people that are in the Hole right now and people that have kids in the Hole right now, so I thought I'd make a little list of things Ronnie absolutely LOVES when he's in the hospital. I'm hoping it will give the people in some ideas...

Ronnie LOVES visitors. This seems like an obvious one. No one wants to sit in a room by themselves for days on end, especially when you're not feeling good. Ronnie's family is awesome about coming and spending time with him while he's in. I think this is the biggest reason he is so content while he's in the hospital. That being said, when he's first in and his body is all out of sorts from the meds, he often feels overwhelmed by too many people around.

Ronnie also LOVES snacks and meals from the outside world. While his appetite is often a little off when he first gets in, he quickly gets it back and loves to be fed food from the outside. He'll eat just about anything we bring in, but he loves Frosties, Brachs jelly beans, Peter Piper Pizza, Dunkin Donuts, and more. (Are there any foods you love from the outside world while you're in? Give us some ideas).

He LOVES entertainment. He's found many ways to keep busy. He watches entire seasons of TV shows (he watched ALL of the seasons of Lost within a matter of days one stay), plays hidden object games, plays video games (his cousins gave him this old school wheel of fortune game which is AWESOME), listens to old radio shows online (John Jay and Rich), and reads fellow CFer's blogs (of course!).

And last, but not least, he loves to be rubbed and massaged (I really wish I had a better way of putting it...trust me, I tried to think of an alternative...Let me explain!!!). Often times his joints feel achy, so he loves when I rub his wrists, knees, ankles, hands and feet. When he has a headache, I will rub his head, including his temples, top of his head and along his sinuses. I also rub his hand, the area between his pointer finger and thumb (my mom used to do that for us when we were kids. I guess there's a pressure point there and it helps with headaches). And lastly, after he's been coughing a lot, I rub his chest. This immediately relaxes him and soothes his sore chest muscles.

When you're in the Hole, what do you need or love? Do you have any weird hospital traditions? Share your guilty pleasures or simply what makes you feel at home.

Not Every Run is a "Good" Run

I don't want to mislead you by the title of this blog and make you think that I'm going to be negative Nancy with this post, but I'm hoping that my pain today can is some way encourage you. Wait, don't go anywhere, let me explain. This past week, my runs have been going very well. I've been able to easily run my required time of 30 minutes and generally felt like I could continue on towards the end. In fact, my last two runs consisted of 34 and 38 minutes. The 38 minute run was a VERY good day in which I'm pretty sure I could have pushed to 45, but I had somewhere to be that night. I can tell you one thing about today though, it certainly wasn't last week.

Not even close. First, let me just say that I've felt a little off the last few days and I'm really not sure why. Not mentally off or anything like that, just kind of "CF off" is probably the best way to put it. Know what I mean? I'm a little more tired. My lungs feel a little tighter than normal. My mucus seems to be more like super glue than like flem. I'm a little achy. So yeah, I've been "CF off". Well it all kind of came to a head today during my run. And of all of the days for this to happen, today is probably not the one I would have picked.

I had a reporter and a photo journalist following me most of the day for a story due to come out in the Arizona Daily Star later this week. They literally sat with me as I did my treatments. Took my shower (no they didn't get any pictures). Worked on my computer and so on and so forth. We then parted ways for a bit, but then they met back up with me for my run. It was actually pretty awesome. The camera man came dressed and ready to run with me! I was impressed that he was willing to go that extra mile (literally) to get some real life photos of me (Thanks James, that meant a lot).

Now, for the run. As I started running, I have a feeling that I may have been trying to push my pace a little bit so I didn't look like a complete goober while James was trailing (or in front of) me taking my picture. Big mistake. I realized pretty early on what was happening so I tried to slow down my pace a bit. After what felt like an eternity, I glanced down at my watch to see how much longer of this 30 minutes of hell I had left. The watch read 10m28s. **GULP** I still had almost 20 MINUTES to go. That's when all my mind games really started to kick into over drive. There was no way I was going to be able to make it for another 20 minutes I thought.

By this time my legs were completely dead and felt like I was lugging around to logs. I was already coughing like crazy and my mucus felt like it was just sticking to the back of my throat. I had a stitch in my side that I just couldn't breath through. Pure (salt) sweat was dripping in my left eye blinding me to half of the road. I started to feel a bit faint. My right foot felt funny. I thought for sure I would stop breathing at any moment. And I had another 20 minutes of this? No way I could get this done.

Just about that time Mandi came from around the corner. She had run a different path so she could get in more miles. Following close behind Mandi and walking Jezzabel was my mom. When I first saw Mandi, I got my second wind. Seeing my mom gave me my third wind. See, they're big part of why I do this. I want to be here for Mandi. I want to be the man she deserves to have in her life forever. I don't want all of my mom's dedication in raising me to be a fighter to go to waste. And you know what else I thought of? You guys. You guys give me SO MUCH encouragement. You guys give me the opportunity to practice what I preach. If I could complete my run today, imagine what I can do when I start feeling better? I'm going to kill it!

There is a bigger point in all of this and this is it: I felt more satisfied today after my run than I have felt for any other run. So although it may not have been a "good" run, it had a great outcome. I felt very proud of what I accomplished today and it gave me some extra fuel to make it through the week. I can't say this enough: when you come across opportunities to push yourself, please, don't let them pass you by.

The First Time I Ran a Mile

Now, I must take this opportunity to first clear one thing up. The following story isn't of the time that I actually first ran one mile. That time would have been my junior year in high school when I ran a mile for time at the request of my football coach (it was 6m14s if you were interested). This is the story of the first time I ran a mile since my eyes have been re-opened after my 50 day hospital stay. The first time of running a mile since I started RunSickboyRun.com as an exercise journal that would keep me accountable in accomplishing my goals. That said goal, running one whole mile.

So two weeks ago Saturday, September 5th, I woke up not feeling so great. It was just a "typical" Cystic Fibrosis morning. I was a little achy, I had a headache and my lungs felt tight and junky. So, instead of the usual morning stroll, I hopped right onto my vest and inhaled medications. I generally like to "shake the cobwebs off" by taking a little morning walk, but not on this Saturday. I could feel the rumble in my chest as I took a deep breath in. I needed to inhale some albuterol stat to try and open myself up! As I was doing my treatments, Mandi asked when we were going to get our run in for the day. I said, "I don't know, what do you think?" in which she replied "After your treatments". Great, I thought, does she even know how I'm feeling, there's NO WAY I'm going to be able to run this morning.

As I sat there flipping through pages on the internet, I ended up up on my YouTube page. Right there on the front was my "Why Push Through the Tough Times" video. Right then I thought, man, I need to practice what I preach. I then started mentally preparing myself for the run that was ahead. I knew that all I had to do was run 27 minutes but that would be broken into 9 minute intervals. Granted, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but if I could do that when I didn't feel well, imagine how far I could go when I felt great!

After, my treatments finished, I started lacing up my shoes (which by the way are working out WONDERFULLY). We started the run by walking for two minutes as is required by the plan that I am on. That two minutes really seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, we were running. As time was clicking down, I remember looking at my watch and seeing that I had already run for 8 minutes and at that point I felt really good. It was then that I made the decision that I would continue running and not look at my watch again until I was physically unable to put one foot in front of the other.

I tried to get in some sort of zone between my strides, the ipod and the road. There are parts of the run that seemed to drag and forever and feel as if I wasn't moving at all or that stationary objects were somehow moving away from me. And then of course there were parts of the run that I'm pretty sure I blacked out because I can't recall a single identifiable object that we passed. What's funny though is a stationary object that was VERY identifiable ended up being my undoing.

As I made my way down A1A in St. Augustine Beach I noticed an electric speed sign that must have been set up by the police. It looked like it was at least 20 miles down the road. Of course the sign was probably only a couple of hundred yards away, but I never thought I would be able to make it. I cut myself a deal, make it to the sign, and then you can look at your watch. Well, I made it to the sign and my watch read 19 minutes and some odd seconds. Ok, push it to twenty I thought. Twenty passed. Ok, just push it until it feels like your legs are going to give out. That ended up happening at about the 23 minute mark when my body made it clear that I had had enough.

I was panting like crazy and coughing so much that there was no doubt to the people around that I had contracted Swine Flu. We ended up walking the entire way back to Grammy's house, but this time we took the beach. And if you're wondering why we didn't run on the beach, it's because we did a couple of days prior and my legs got incredibly dead very fast. I figured if I was going to give it my all that I had I would at least give myself a fighting chance.

Anyway, here's the moral of the story: When you're feeling sick, push yourself. Not only can it make you feel physically better, but you may get over a mental block as well. I know I did.

**We ended up driving our route to see how much distance we covered. I was shocked when we finished the course and the odometer read 1.5 miles!!!! Granted, I need to work I picking up the pace a little, but I'll take it!!!

93 Floors, Throwing Up, and Putting Out Fires

6:00am: I absolutely did not want to get out of bed this morning. My body AND mind still felt tired from yesterday. I'm looking forward to the weekend, which means I'll get ONE day off of the gym. Maybe I can sneak in a Sunday afternoon nap as well. Then again, I'll be hanging with my little brothers this weekend, so the activity level will probably be ramped up a bit. I'll see if I can convince them to do an early morning hike with me on Saturday or something.

I felt bad that J Bell didn't get a walk yesterday, so I knew that instead of the gym this morning that I would take her around the block. So I took a few swigs of Powerade and off I went (that becomes important in a bit). I felt good in the very beginning of the walk and was able to move some stuff up, but I started to have a really deep cough about five minutes in. Well, if you're a CFer, you know what a stomach full of liquid plus deep coughing can produce. That's right: Projectile Powerade. I water somebody bush on the side of the road with my stomach juice. I wonder what the passing cars were thinking?

Anyway, after that little episode I felt fine. I had a decent pace and was breathing with very little effort. Jezzabel had a smile from ear-to-ear the whole time and behaved herself rather well. I'll have to make up some cardio time at the gym later. Today is legs and shoulders, so maybe I can blast my legs on the stairmaster...

Total Distance: 2.1 miles Time: 38'31"

3:30pm: ...and blast my legs I did! But first I did rehab lifts on my shoulders, which seem to be responding to the new "very light weight" workout. Hopefully in about a month's time I'll be able to really lift on them again. I also did some squats and leg presses, but just mostly to warm up my legs for climbing some floors of stairs. I decided to do the stairmaster for 30 minutes today! Let me just say, about 10 minutes in, I hated my decision. I thought that somebody was playing a joke on me a slowed the timer down. I pushed through it though and then before I knew it there was only 5 minutes left. I then decided to really kick my own butt. At the 5 minute mark, I started increasing the level every minute. The last minute I was hauling tail on that thing and I had the sweat soaked shirt to prove it. There was sweat running down my arm and spraying off of my elbow like a water hose. I honestly think I could have put out a camp fire with the amount of liquid that was pouring off of my body. Man did it feel good!!!

Total Floors: 93 floors

Total Distance for Day: 2.1 miles Total Floors for Day: 93 floors

Strange Day

4:30pm: So as you see from the time of this entry, today was just a strange day. I slept in because of last night's event and knowing that I would have to get up early tomorrow for the Great Strides Phoenix walk. And before you even think it, no, I did not sleep in until 4pm! It would be nice though. I only slept in until 7am and got up immediately to eat some breakfast cause I was starving. I also had a bit of a headache so I needed to get my caffeine fix. After inhaling my breakfast (ham and turkey meat with egg and cheese on an english muffin), I was planning on doing my walk. The problem was, I couldn't shake the urge to throw up. I knew that if I walked J Bell, I would be being blowing chunks all over the place. I was talking to Mandi over IM and she suggested that I just take it easy and wait to walk until the sun went down; So that's what we did.

We went to the gym after Mandi got off of work. She got off a little early again because she went in at 5am a couple of days ago. You got to love strict 40 hour work weeks! We lifted chest and back at the gym and although I was pretty tired, and unmotivated, I was able to get in a good work out. That's the thing with this exercise plan, sometimes when I deviate from it, my body and mind just feel off. That's exactly how I felt all day today. Current Weight: 185 lbs

6:00pm: We were thinking about eating some dinner before the night's walk, but I didn't want what happened this morning to repeat itself. So we decided to just get it over with. Jezzabel was definitely excited that she was going to be walked and bolted out the door as soon as I opened it. The walk went well for the most part. I brought up some stuff, but not too much, and my lungs felt good and open. The only problem was my left foot and back. My foot started acting up again and I had to limp a little bit at times on my walk. My back has been hurting for about a week from doing overhead lifts at the gym. J Bell made matters worse today when she lunged after a cat that was hiding in the bushes while I held on to her leash. I wasn't expecting the sudden shift and I tweaked my back even more. Other than that, the weather was absolutely perfect to walk in and there was a nice cool breeze!

I veered off my "diet" a bit by eating at Taco Bell tonight, but when you have the craving there's nothing much you can do. Now when I say diet, I only mean that I try to eat smaller portions more frequently cause it helps my digestion. Also, I try to avoid fast food cause I rarely feel well after I'm done eating it. Last night wasn't too bad, but I could definitely tell that I had some Mexican food in my tummy. To cap off my night, I soaked my back in the bathtub. Ahhhhhhhh, just what I needed.

Total Distance: 2.1 miles Time: 38'26"

Total Distance Walked for Day: 2.1 miles

Tips for Feeling Better in the Morning?

6:00am: It seems to get harder by the day to wake up. I don't know if it's the novelty of this whole morning dog walk thing that's wearing off or I'm just not getting enough sleep. After getting up and moving around, I feel great. My energy generally lasts until about 9:30pm or 10pm. It's just those initial 10 minutes when I wake up in the morning. My eyes are heavy. My legs are heavy. My lungs are heavy. I think that it's pretty common though for us CFers to feel our worst in the morning. And it may be the common thing, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. Does anybody out there have any tricks or tips to offer that makes them feel better when they first wake up? If so, I'm all ears.

After shaking off the cobwebs and spitting up some dark thick green mucus into the bathroom sink, I was ready to roll. J Bell was excited as usual, but was off a little bit this morning as well. Before we walk, I always tell her to bring me her leash. She'll run off, grab it, and then hand it to me. Well, today, she kept on running right buy her leash as if she had gone blind during the course of the night. It was really weird. She seemed extremely confused. I finally had to point right at it before she got it. Maybe we're both sleep walking during the night and don't even know it....

I coughed quite a bit during the beginning of the walk and was moving up a decent amount of light yellow or clear mucus. I was able to eat early last night, so this morning I was free of the "I'm about to lose my lunch (or dinner) feeling". The pace was slower today than normal, but I think that can be explained. One: the obvious is that I was walking a bit slower than normal. Two: Jezzabel peed at least 7 times and pooped 3. Three: We ran into two other dogs and two big trucks (garbage and construction) and a school bus. J Bell hates big vehicles. Not SUV big, but garbage truck big. I think it's the size and the crazy noises that come out of them. When she sees one she tries to turn around and run the other way. When I make her face her fear and walk by them, she'll crouch down real low and then start to sprint when she passes them up. She looks real funny during the whole process, I should film it one of these days.

So all of that added up to a slower time than normal. I need to concentrate though on picking up the pace a little in the morning to make my lungs work a little harder. I may also drive a new route today to get a change of scenery.

Total Distance: 2.1 miles Time: 39'02"

6:30pm: After Mandi got a "quick" 3 mile run in (again, I hate her), we headed off to the gym. We decided to switch things up a bit a run to the gym for our run/walk for the night. The gym is roughly .25 miles from my house. It was a very windy day, which made it incredibly tough, but I managed to run almost the whole way. We got caught up by a traffic light and decided to walk from that point to the gym.

At the gym we did arms. Everything felt good and I was able to increase the weight or reps on almost every lift. We concentrated on picking up the tempo while we were lifting and not taking long breaks in between lifts. We also wanted to hurry up and get back to watch the Idols results show. I did a max lift on both my triceps and biceps which felt really good and actually surprised me a bit. I need to start really challenging my muscles and focus on increasing my weight more rapidly.

We ended up doing 15 second sprints on the way back from the gym. This really got my lungs going. We would sprint for 15 seconds and then rest for 30, and so on. I started coughing like crazy before the last sprint and definitely got some stuff up that was way down in there. I'm going to work sprints into my workout more regularly. They really paid off today, because overall, I really didn't feel that great. I was just kind of junky all day and felt pretty tight all over. When I'm not feeling so hot, I think it's even more important to push myself harder. I just let my body know that feeling crappy is unacceptable. Today, my body listened.

Total Distance: .5 miles

Total Distance Run/Walk for Day: 2.6 miles