Monday, May 16, 2011

Top Ten Reasons to Find Out The Sex

On Friday we posted our latest ultrasound video. Being 15 weeks, we thought we could possibly find out the sex, since with the right shot, you can take a really good guess at it. But as you saw in the video, our nurse went back and forth, initially thinking girl, then suspecting girl, and ending the appointment with her best guess, "boy...but we'll have to wait and see." Our IVF clinic is still giving us ultrasounds (just being nice) so we're going to sneak in one last one on Thursday before the baby doesn't fit on the screen, with the hope of finding out the sex.

We got a lot of comments on the video saying that being surprised was the way to go. And I felt the same way most of my life. I always thought I wanted to be surprised. In fact, when I played out my baby's birth I envisioned hearing "It's a ____" out of the doctor's mouth and being so shocked. However, since getting pregnant, my perspective as changed. I figured I'd put together my top 10 reasons for wanting to find out the sex. So here is goes:

1. I hate calling the baby "it". We call our baby Peanut as much as possible, but sometimes there are contexts where he, she, or it is necessary. And something about calling my sweet, precious, totally-loved baby "it" feels cold.

2. I constantly am running my own movies of the future, and having a gender would help my movies along. I want to know if I'm picturing a little boy playing with trucks and begging his daddy to play catch in the yard, or a little girl feeding a bottle to her baby and wearing around mommy's high heels (How's that for fitting your child into gender-specific roles? I just realized as I was typing that that I don't quite have to force my children into stereotypical roles. And I will say, a little girl of ours will be a complete tom boy...but these are my made up movies - so that's what I envision).

3. I don't want a gender-neutral nursery. The nursery is one of the best parts of pregnancy. You get to put together your child's space and make it a place that suits the baby, while still being a room that you'll enjoy in the wee hours of the night. I want a nursery that is perfectly-suited to a little boy or that is girly for a girl. Plus, I'm not that into yellow or green - two of the go-tos for gender-neutral nurseries.

4. Gender-neutral clothes are hard to come by. My friend recently had a baby and in shopping for her little bundle, I found that the girls' sections and boys' sections are huge, but you have to search high and low for cute gender neutral clothes. And being the advanced planner that I am, I know I will want quite a few outfits on hand before baby comes home.

5. Narrowing down the name game. We've started playing the name game since finding out we were pregnant. But we have a tough time narrowing it down to less then 5-10 names. Once we know the sex, we can really start to focus on just the boy names or just the girl names, and finally reach a conclusion. Otherwise, we're constantly churning names for both and I have a feeling we'll never get there by D-day.

6. Bonding. This one sounds a little silly, but I will say it anyways. Something about knowing the sex of the baby seems like it will help me bond while the baby is still in my tummy. When I feel Peanut kick, I want to be able to picture who it's coming from. It kills me that I have to wait another 6 months before actually seeing this little nugget's face, but being able to at least picture a little boy or girl helps - who knows why.

7. Hand-me-downs. We have cousins and friends who have kids of both sexes. And they are generous enough to pass down some things they're no longer using. However, it seems like our house could become a giant store unit pretty quickly if we're collecting both boy stuff AND girl stuff. And then, what do you do with all the stuff of the wrong sex? So knowing the sex will keep our selection limited at least by 50%.

8. Ronnie needs at least 6 months to prepare if it's a girl. Ronnie has ben very honest since the beginning that he wants a boy. "Why?" you ask. Because he knows that a little girl will have him wrapped around her little finger. So he needs some time to strategize how he will remain THE boss-man, while he would be melting inside when she simply looked at him. The joke is on him though, I think a little boy may have the same effect on him :)

9. I'm impatient. I LOVE surprises, but I have always had a tough time not peeking at Christmas gifts before their wrapped and under the tree. It's the same way with the baby. I want to be surprised, but I just can't keep myself from peeking!

10. Ronnie needs to plan exactly what the tattoo will look like on his bum...

KIDDING! There will be no tattoos in this household.

So let's hear it! Did I forget any reasons? Do you TOTALLY disagree? There's still time to change our minds...so let's hear what you've got!

Comments (32)

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Those are good reasons. When it comes down to it, there are only 2 options and whether it happens approximately half-way through pregnancy or at delivery, you'll be surprised...maybe. With the first, we pretty much knew it was a boy. With this one, everyone said girl. Wives tales said girl. She came to me in my dreams screaming "I'M A GIRL!" So, it wasn't much of a surprise with the tech showed us her girl parts. I'd say, follow your instincts. It's your baby and you will make the best decision for your family. Meanwhile, have fun with it. Do the Chinese Gender Prediction tests and the Ring test and then you can prove them right. Or wrong. LOL!
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
Drink a can of coke before your ultrasound to get that baby moving around!
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
It's such a personal opinion and not one way is the "best" way. I just have to say that not knowing the sex and having your husband scream "it's a BOY! or it's a GIRL" at the time of delivery is seriously the most thrilling and exciting thing that I've ever experienced in my life. It was such a rush for me, I was SO excited to finally find out what we were having. And it was also fun playing the guessing game and going back and forth talking about boy and girl things. And even though I really wanted #2 to be a girl, I was so excited we had another boy and I never really had time to dwell on it or be a little sad - it is what it is and holding that little newborn baby makes all your worries and cares go away anyway.
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
We found out before And it was STILL exciting when the tech told us boy! It was the best surprise of my life! Plus it was nice to be prepared like you said with the nursery and clothes. When he was delivered it was no less exciting if we hadn't known the gender.
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
I think those are all valid reasons. The one that I lean towards is the one about the gender-neutral nursery. Color schemes are kind of boring to me, BUT, I would suggest that you can do gender neutral theme for a nursery. Such as a jungle theme, underwater theme, space theme, or even maybe an ethnic theme like Asian, French, or Italian. Those could be super fun to put together too. These are my thoughts. :)
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
A wise old (probably 78) gynecologist I sat next to on a plane one time told me, "Either way, you're only surprised once."
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
I found out the sex of Baby A at 14 weeks (boy) and Baby B at 20 weeks (girl). In our case the ultrasounds were right on. In my opinion, it is a surprise no matter when you find out. On the ultrasound table or on the delivery table. No matter when you find out, it's a surprise because you didn't know the sex before you were told. Now, being that we had both a boy and a girl in the same nursery our nursery was gender neutral, but the individual cribs and clothing were not.
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
I agree! I think it would be awesome to be surprised - but yet I don't think I could wait! I'm not pregnant but I can't wait to be! For nearly all the same reasons I want to know the sex of my baby when it comes time- the biggest reason of all, though is so that we can decorate the nursery for a boy or a girl and get most the items we need BEFORE the big day so it's less stress having to run out and buy things after our little baby is here!!!
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
I think that you guys need to do what's best for you. In all of your reasons it appears to come back to simply wanting to know. Surprises are fun, but if you are a planner then you should find out. I agree knowing it's a little boy or little girl makes it feel more Wow, when you feel the baby move. I found out the sex with both of my kids and the excitement was the same if not more when I got to look into their eyes.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
These are all very natural reasons to want to know. Not to fret! Some like the total surprise. Others, not so much! But, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to know. Don't defend yourself girl! Days gone by we had no way to know. Now we do!

Now, having five, gave me all kinds of opportunities. The first one, NO DOUBT, I wanted to know. For all the same reasons you posted. Number two, same. I mean, I had to purchase all kinds of different stuff if we were to have a boy. And, we did. Now, with sweet baby number three...............now, that was different. We had a girl and we had a boy. I had all the "stuff". We made it a surprise! It didn't matter so we took the opportunity to let the anticipation build until the moment our sweet Georgia came into the world. Now, with number four, I had to know, because I needed to know who's room this little one would be sharing! See, sweet Georgia was already sharing a room with her big sister. And, if number four were to be a girl we'd have to move! If number four was a boy, we could wait. The Lord blessed us with a boy and we moved to a bigger place about nine months after he was born. Our dear CFer is number five. I was on bed rest for fourteen weeks with him and having an ultrasound once a week.....................well, how could we resist? So, we knew!

Most important thing is to do what y'all want to do! Doesn't matter who (parents, friends, cyber-friends, neighbors, grandparents) thinks otherwise. Your the parents and it's your call. By the way, the unsolicited advise has JUST begun! Wait till you announce that your going to bottle or breastfeed. Or, whether you'll demand feed or schedule feed your baby. Or, if your baby will sleep in the crib or co-sleep with you.............(OK, here it is.........DON'T CO-SLEEP!)! You will have to do your research, and stand firm in your conviction in these things. Because there are so many differing opinions out there. I have my own on all these. The first baby is the most difficult, because you are trying to decide all these things without experience. You will settle into what works for y'all and if you are blessed with another, it won't be so difficult the second time around.
PS ~ I will say that if you decide to breastfeed, you must be very committed. Don't breastfeed for someone else. You will fail and put yourself under a lot of stress which in turn makes it more difficult to breastfeed and the cycle continues! I won't tell you which I would recommend, unless you ask!!!!!!! LOL Love you guys! D.
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
barbara connors's avatar

barbara connors · 724 weeks ago

i would have to know if they knew,if only cos im nosey,dont think it makes any difference.my daughter was told she was having a girl for her second baby,another daughter,on the day jack came into the world,it was lovely,but she always felt it was a boy,instinc is sometime right.bless you both,he or she will be really loved,but dont tell anyone the name you choose.we have known my neices baby,a girl named amelia for six months and she isnt here yet,didnt mind knowing sex but spoilt it for me with the name as wellxxxx
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
jody klarkowski's avatar

jody klarkowski · 724 weeks ago

It IS ok! It's your baby, your pregnancy and your life. Do what you want:) I have 4 babes, two of which are twins. We didnt find out with any of them. I always thought I would want to know b/c like you I am a snooper. I hate waiting and always peek at presents. With the twins, my husband was adamant that we werent going to find out, so we didnt. I was so glad we didnt. I dont know what it's like to find out during an ultrasound so I cant say if it really is just as exciting or not. But, after not finding out with the first ones, I knew I would never find out with any other babies we had. I never called them "it" or he/she for that matter. They were always referred to as "the baby" or "babies." So, we had 4 names picked out for the twins and yeah it's kinda hard having to decide on more than one name but I knew how fun it was when they came out that I didnt want to miss out on that experience again. I was dying to find out what was in there but also knew if I did I would be disappointed with myself that I didnt wait. Whatever you decide it will be wonderful:)
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago
I'm going to have to agree with Molly. We didn't find out the sex with any of our 3 kids. Bryan's face when they told us the sex of each baby is eternally etched in my mind. I can see every detail of this face and I love it. I will say that when they pulled Bryce out (our 3rd...after two girls), he did a fist pump in the air and yelled "It's a boy!!". One of my favorite memories! Either way is great, but I'm telling you...not finding out and getting wrapped up in that moment you have waited 9 months for is super exciting. I really think it is worth the wait. I promise! Oh...I never had a green or yellow nursery. I did a red, khaki and black nursery. It housed 2 girls and a boy just fine. :) So excited for you guys. Nothing compares to being a parent.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Because of CF in the family there was a lot of medical intrusion in my second pregnancy. I decided I didn't want to know the sex of number two because I wanted something in the pregnancy to be more 'normal, usual, and ordinary'. On this occasion having less knowledge helped me feel more in control. (Totally opposite to my usual way of thinking). This was 21 years ago so finding the sex was less common. However you will know what is right for you and Ronnie and peanut. I'm excited for you all. A warning - it is just the beginning of the agony of choice/decisions that come with being a parent. Thanks for keeping us all in the loop
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I completely understand all of your reasons - and they're all just fine!

We found out with Charlie b/c I'm a planner.
We found out with Lola b/c I needed time to wrap my mind around having a girl if that's what it was going to be (I wanted another boy).
We kept Henry a surprise - wanting to experience the WOW factor that everyone talks about, plus we already had all the 'stuff' so it wasn't like we needed to register for anything new.

I will say that #3's arrival and the surprise was very anticlimactic for me. I think it's b/c it was a C section and it all happened so, so fast. Perhaps had I labored longer with him there would've been that WOW moment.

In the end I don't think it matters. You'll have the WOW in the doc's office or with your feet in the stirrups (sorry for the graphic). A WOW is a WOW no matter where you are ;-)
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
You have some very good reasons, and in the end the decision is yours :) My husband used many of those reasons on me to try to convince me that we should find out the sex of his first (my second) child. I held my ground, though, because I like the surprise. I actually painted my daughter's room blue when I was pregnant with her because blue is one of my favorite colors. Our son sleeps in our room right now in his day-bed, but will soon be sharing a room with his sister, so we didn't have to worry about decorating for him. Now we are expecting baby #3 and I think I'm going to end up driving my husband nuts again because I still don't want to know the gender of the baby. Good luck with Peanut!!
1 reply · active 724 weeks ago

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