Monday, December 8, 2014

From the Top of the Rollercoaster

As you have probably seen scattered here and there in posts, we are getting licensed to be foster parents. I'm not sure what we shared about this, so I'll lay it all out there...

Ronnie and I have both always felt called to fostering. We talked about it while dating and continued discussions all throughout our relationship. I have family friends who have fostered and adopted a huge family, Ronnie's cousins have fostered and adopted several kids, and we have friends who foster. We always discussed fostering "when our family is complete." Even after getting pregnant and having Mckenna, it was always "when our family is complete." Even through the first year and a half of our IVF journey to baby number two, it was "when our family is complete."

Well after our failed cycle this summer, we both felt God was saying we shouldn't put off getting licensed any longer. We had a set expectation of what our "complete" family was going to look like. And this summer I really started to think that maybe my version of our "complete" family, wasn't God's version. Perhaps our family wasn't going to be completed the way I thought. We both felt God was saying not to push off the call on our hearts for some self-imposed milestone. We aren't done trying to have biological kids, but we decided that our vision of when we would foster should be reworked. So we started the process.

We have friends and family in the area that have fostered, so we asked around and found a wonderful agency. From there it was lots of paperwork, 10 weeks of classes, lots more paperwork, a homestudy (just lots of interviews that our licensing worker writes up about us), and a home inspection by the state. It's been a long road, but I'm happy to say that as of last Thursday, our application for a license was submitted to the state, and we should hear any minute that we have our license.


That means this is really happening. I have to tell you...when we started this in June, it seemed like an eternity away. And when we submitted our application last week, I kind of felt like I was going to have a panic attack. You know that feeling when you are really excited to ride a roller coaster, and then when it's slowly climbing up to the peak at the beginning, your heart starts racing. With each eery "click", you can feel your stomach rise higher into your throat. And then, you're at the top, looking down at the ground, and you have that moment of "oh crap..." right before you're hurled down for the most fear-filled yet thrilling ride of your life? That's pretty much exactly how it feels. This is a journey that we are stepping into knowing it will be the ride of our lives.

One of the first things people say when they know you're going to foster is that they never could do it. That it has to be so hard to take a child in, bond with them, and then say goodbye. And I totally get it. I don't think I can do it either. I love kids. I love babies. You could hand me a baby tomorrow and say, "it's yours." I wouldn't think twice and love him/her like I had carried him/her for 9 months. I honestly don't know how you say goodbye to a little one that you've loved and cared for. But, I know that while I can't, I know that He can. God has placed this call on our hearts. And I know that He can walk us through the hard parts. I know that He has created each of us, Mckenna included, to be able to navigate through and flourish while carrying out this call. So while I stare from the top, panicked and scared for the plunge, I am feeling at peace knowing that God will walk us through this.

So please pray for our family as we step out in faith to carry out the most challenging, yet rewarding, journey we may ever do together. We are so excited...and scared...but more excited!!