Monday, August 30, 2010

First Hospital Stay with My Husband

This week brings yet another first for Ronnie and I as a married couple. Ronnie's going in for his first tune-up since we've been married, and for some strange reason, I'm a little nervous. "Why??" you might ask. GREAT question. I have no idea why. This hospital stay is no different than any other he's had since we've been together. He's being treated at the same place. Same docs. Same nurses. Same routine. I'll go down to Tucson to be with him, just like every other time. So who knows why this one feels different. I have only two guesses: 1. Because I'm leaving behind our home and have to get everything all situated to leave or 2. Because I'm his wife, I know feel a greater sense of responsibility for his well-being while he's in.

Those are simply my best guesses. Neither of them feel quite right, when I say them out loud (err, type them). I don't really feel that nervous to leave the house. We did a bunch of cleaning and yard work today, to get the house in a position to leave it sit. We got the neighbors all lined up to check our mail, check on our house every other day, and keep an overall eye on things. All that's left is to empty out stuff that could go bad in the fridge, pack, and unplug the coffee maker (why on earth people unplug the coffee maker, I actually have NO idea. You just always hear that people do it when they leave for vacation. Is it because it could start a fire? If so, pretty sure you don't want the coffee maker plugged in when you're home, say, sleeping at night?! Please let me know why I do this!).

So while it doesn't seem like the house should make me nervous, maybe it's guess #2. Although, I also don't really feel a greater sense of responsibility for Ronnie's well-being now that we're married either. I mean, if I had to guess why I'm a little anxious about this stay, and it's not being worried about leaving our house, it seems like this would be it....but if it is, it's minor or very subconscious. Although I guess if I mentioned it as one of two possibilities as to why this stay is different, it can't be all that subconscious! It feels in some ways like I should take on more responsibilities regarding his stay, but truthfully, there's not much I can do. I don't have a house there, so I can't cook him home-cooked meals. I'm not responsible for his treatments or IV meds that's what RTs, nurses and Drs are for. His mom and brothers are always around to bring us anything from the "outside world" that may be needed. Hmmm, come to think of it, I'm relatively useless when it comes to hospital stays!!

However, I will say this - even though, for whatever reason, I feel a little nervous/anxious about this stay, I am excited. There are little things about hospital stays that I love. I LOVE Dunkin Donuts on weekend mornings. I LOVE listening to podcasts of our favorite radio program. I LOVE spending more time with his mom, stepdad, and brothers. I LOVE the feeling of getting ready to go for a walk outside. I LOVE watching Ronnie sleep as he gets pounded. I LOVE knowing that he's getting healthier. I LOVE walking down to the cafeteria for hot chocolate. I LOVE snuggling in his tiny hospital bed, trying not to rip out his PICC line. I LOVE the quality time we get to spend together. There's just something about hospital stays that bring us closer together....and that I am excited for!

So for better or worse, excitement or nervousness - hospital here we come :)