Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Thoughts heading into the Hole...

I thought it would be a good idea to piggy back off of Mandi's post and share with you guys what's going on in my little head in anticipation of this next hospital stay. Her post was quite the delight to read and just confirmed once again that she is my one and only. I've been very fortunate my entire life to be able to surround myself with friends that take CF "in stride" (Of course my family has been great too, but to be honest, where I come from, there's no choice in that matter). I've always felt that it was so important to have friends that "got it" but didn't care. Friends that would push me when I needed to be pushed and then would be right there to push when I didn't have the strength. I think I developed that screen in choosing friends by how I was raised. My mom never, AND I MEAN NEVER, let me use CF as a crutch or an excuse. I remember like it was yesterday coming to her as a youngster before school saying that I didn't feel good. Her response? "That's a good story, now put on your shoes cause you're going to school". I mean, I was a kid, give me an inch and I'll take a mile. Too be honest, not much has probably changed.

That's how all of this wraps back around to Mandi. She just never cared about CF. It came up in the first conversation that we ever had and I'm pretty sure we spent about 34 seconds on it. She was much more interested in my stories, or my likes, my family and my career. That's who I am. Now, that's not to say that CF hasn't played a major role in who I am today. It most certainly has. It's shaped how I react to those things that are most important in my life. So while I told her about my life experiences and my family, I was, in essence, telling her all about CF. I am a CFer, no getting around that. I have a disease. No getting around that either. But she was interested in how this diseased little CFer was living his life and nothing else much mattered to her.

I kind of got off topic there, sorry. This is about how great my wife is with me in the hospital. So first, obviously she just rolls with the punches. She knows I need it. She knows that we'd both probably rather be somewhere else. But she also knows that it's not the place that makes it special but the people who are there. She's done such a great job over the last couple of years of really making the hospital a special place for us to "get away". It's funny, cause we actually have way more interaction with other people while in the hospital (you guys know what I'm talking about. People coming in the room every 16 seconds). Somehow though, every time I'm in, she plans something or does something special that makes me feel like we're the only two people in the building. I really think it all comes back to, she just really doesn't care about the circumstances as long as "my man is there". And I'll tell you what, it's a great feeling knowing that the love of your life feels that way. There are very few people in this world that I can say with confidence "have my back" 100%, no matter what and Mandi would be at the top of that list.

As far as what I'm feeling going into this hospital stay (probably happening this Friday): I'm excited. I've always been pretty good at seeing the forest through the trees. The light at the end of the tunnel if you will. When it comes to the Hole, I know that it will get me close, if not all the way back to being where I need to be. When I say "where I need to be", I'm talking about being in a position where I can say with 100 percent certainty that I can stay on top of my game all by myself. Meaning I have the energy to do all of my treatments, get in all of my workouts and get enough rest to fight off infection. Right now, I don't feel that way. But here's the deal, I don't feel awful physically. In fact, it's rare that I feel awful heading into the hospital. I think it'd be a detriment to both my overall health and my lung function to wait until it got to that point. When it comes to the hospital I've always been VERY proactive. Shoot, I used to have them admit me with a 85% FEV1 cause I was used to 100%. I just never want to be in the position to say "if only I would have gone in sooner". So with that said, BRING. IT. ON!!

I've received many encouraging notes regarding this next hospital stay and I want to make sure you guys know how much it means to me. I appreciate your support and your prayers, but most of all, I really appreciate you guys cheering me on. It's really tough not to want to kick some major booty when I have a cheering section like you guys. So, wish me luck, stay in touch and I'm sure I'll be out of the Hole sooner rather than later.

**And just a reminder, some of you got the impression that I was already in. I am not as of this posting and it looks like the magical day will be Friday**