Monday, February 14, 2011

Embryos on Board

Yesterday was the day - but do not be afraid by the lack of posting :) Everything went very well, I just came home and laid right on the couch, and, truthfully, penning a blog wasn't so much a priority.

Yesterday at 2:30 our embryo transfer was scheduled. We were delayed by a few hours, and ended up doing the transfer around 4:45. They brought me back into the office's OR, had me put on a gown, booties, and little hat, and Ronnie put on a full body jumpsuit thing (our IVF lingerie), which made him look more like he was clearing toxic waste than makin' a baby. We waited for our doctor to come in to talk to us about our embryos and the game plan for the day. He pulled out a sheet of paper full of scribbles and began to unpack what it held. "You had 15 embryos. Now you have 2, maybe 3. The rest stopped developing around 8 cell embryos." My tummy sank. How could we lose so many? I tried not to feel sad or get choked up: "he did say we had 2 to transfer today, after all," I told myself. After discussing the babies we were putting back, and the 3rd they'd watch overnight (which would likely peter out also), he left the room. I jumped up to go to the bathroom to process alone for a minute before having to discuss with Ronnie. I was so bummed, but trying to just focus on the fact that we had two to put back. Then it hit me. Maybe this was God answering our prayers. Our primary prayer through this process was that he would provide just the right number of embryos. We were going to use through all of the embryos we had - even if it meant 15 kids. It hit me that I shouldn't allow my mind to run through all the "what-ifs" and "to do's" if these two didn't take. Instead, I should take a few minutes to thank God for answering our prayer, even if it didn't make sense at this very moment.

So I emerged from the bathroom with a new 'tude. Excited. Ready to let these two little embryos make themselves at home in their happy mommy's tummy (no one likes a mad, bitter, worried mommy anyways, right?) Ronnie and I chatted about our thoughts on the embryos we lost, and the 2 we were transferring in a few moments. He shared my thoughts exactly.

A few minutes later we were making our way onto the bed where it was going to happen. I have to admit, I never pictured getting pregnant on a bed like this. In my mind there was never me, my husband, and 3 additional people around. Certainly no one would be wearing the clothes we were wearing. I never pictured it this way, but it was perfect! Ronnie stood at the top of the bed, holding my hands and smiling at me (he was wearing a mask, so while I couldn't actually see his smile, I could tell by the way his eyes were squinted that he was smiling). I prayed that this would go smoothly. Dr. Nemiro put the speculum in, and then inserted the catheter through my cervix. I prayed that my babies would get there soon and that God would keep them safe on their journey into my belly. 30 seconds later, the embryologist came through the door (they were communicating through a window in the wall, from OR to lab, the whole time to make sure the timing was perfect.) Drew, the embryologist, had our babies in a syringe/catheter, linked up to the catheter Dr. Nemiro had already placed - and with a steady push of the flushing fluid into my uterus, our babies were home. I prayed that they were getting nice and settled and that God would make this their home for the next 10 months. They wait 45 seconds before removing the catheter to allow the embryos to float away from and land somewhere. I prayed that they were landing somewhere and that God would protect them in my belly. Next thing I knew we were done. Just like that, two babies in my belly. Ronnie kissed my forehead and I tried my best not to move, to allow them to get comfortable.

We had to wait for an hour before leaving the clinic (we actually laid there for more like 1.5 hours, I wasn't in a hurry, wanting to give them all the time in the world to get comfortable...I would have slept there if they left me!)

So that was it. That is how you begin carrying two embryos in just a matter of hours. Now it's just pray and wait. Our pregnancy test is scheduled for next Tuesday, February 22...I think this will be a LONG week!

Comments (10)

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My dears I wish you both the best. I think there is a thank you to both of you that should be said. It takes a lot of courage to share such details with anyone, much less all the people that will read this. Yet, not only do you share the good times, you both share the truths and fears that come along with CF. It doesn't stop there though, the simple act of sharing this part of your lives I believe will reach out and touch others who are facing decisions on IVF no matter what the reason is. The strength the two of you show, the ability to pull together, the desire to try to show others hope...is more than most would even consider doing in public. So, I think a big thank you is in order. I know this will be a long week for the two of you and my prayer and hopes in the end you will be sharing wonderful news with all. Again thank you!
I'm praying for you and your babies!
I have been reading your post about the whole ivf process and I am so nearvous for you. My husband Nick also has Cf and we are at a point now where we would like to start considering our options but I am just so scared. Scared about the cost of ivf, Scared that it wont work and all the other emotions that you know so well. Anyways I am praying for you guys all the time and I am so thankful that you guys have this blog. It helps people like me who are in the SAME situation as the two of you...You guys ROCK !!!! Praying for the Sharpe babies!!!
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Amanda - I have had the same fears. In fact, the day after we found out I wasn't a carrier of CF, so we knew that we would move forward with IVF I had a TOTAL meltdown. The weight of it all was a little too heavy. The thought of spending 10-15K and possibly ending up with nothing was incredibly daunting. I wondered if spending that much money for a possibly nada was being wasteful and selfish. But then I spoke with my mom who gave me really great advice. She said this, "It's just money" (which doesn't quite register/make sense when you don't have a ton), but she continued on...she reminded me that kids cost A LOT of money. And over their whole lifetime, 15K would be nothing. We would just have to cut costs other places. We luckily are pretty frugal and HUGE savers, so we've planned accordingly for this first cycle, but it was a great reminder that money is just money, and if we got pregnant, and didn't buy the nicest cars, cut costs at the grocery store, made our kids go to school in state vs paying for a more expensive college - it would all be a wash in 30 years anyways.

Also, the thought of it not working is very scary. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't work. Not sure exactly how I'll feel. However, I rest assured knowing that God will provide us with a family one way or another. IVF may currently be our first choice, but it may not be our reality. And if we have to go another route - like adoption, I can rest assured that as soon as my baby is in my arms, I won't care how it got there or who's genes it has.

I hope some of that helps. I know you weren't looking for another blog post from me...but I thought I'd let you know you weren't alone in your fears. If you ever have any questions or wanna chat - email me: amanda@cysticlife.org.
So exciting!! You guys are in my prayers!
I will begin praying for these little miracles! It gives me chills. I remember the day I found out my son was most likely sterile and would not be able to have kids. He was 2 1/2 and I was getting tested for allergies. The lady told me that she had a friend with CF and they had just adopted their 3rd child. I asked why they chose adoption and she said, "Well, because most men with CF can't have their own kids." I remember feeling like the world stopped spinning for a moment and my heart broke not only for my son, but for his future spouse who would have to give up so much including carrying their biological children just to love my son. I held my tears in as she poked all the needles in my back. When I got to my car I sobbed.
Fast forward several years. I love that technology has given fibros and their amazing spouses options to have their own biological kids. Thank you for sharing your journey. It gives hope to so many.
Oh wow this is so exciting!

I'm hoping and praying those little babies set up home. Thank you for sharing this as we have been toying with the option of pgd and although a little more complex, the process is very similar. To hear a real account of the good and the bad is invaluable.

Good luck with everything guys x
Good luck you two. We had the same thing happen during our IVF. Our embies were actually so terrible we were called in early for a 3 day transfer, of 4 embies with none left to freeze. (the 5th didn't grow out to the sixth day to be frozen so it was discarded). I have been there, with all my eggs in one basket, just like you. I had no symptoms before we got our beta results 11 days post transfer and I ended up carrying twins. So you never know. Try to rest. I laid on my back for 4 days straight, no joke! I didn't even shower, I just laid there and my husband brought me food and I did my best to even lie down to eat. I was a little intense. You sound more relaxed and that's a good thing. Much luck. I'll be thinking of you guys. Stick, embies, stick!
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Thanks for your comment. I have to admit - it brought tears to my eyes!! I'm thrilled to hear that it worked out for you and hoping that our fate will be the same. I've been trying to lay on my back as much as possible, but with the back pain I was having last night it just wasn't happening. Today my back as been better, so I've been laying as flat as I comfortably can - hoping my tilted uterus does some of the work for me ;-)

Thanks again for your comment - I am continuing to find comfort in all these kinds of stories!!
Tara Johnson's avatar

Tara Johnson · 737 weeks ago

Well, I think Mandi said it perfectly! It will be a long week......but well worth the wait. My heart is so happy for the both of you. I haven't been lucky enough to meet Mandi, but from what I have heard and what I can tell, along with knowing Ron, you guys are going to have LOTS of laughs and happiness in your house.....with children. So happy for you both and thinking about you daily! Thank you both for allowing us to be a part of your new creations.

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