Monday, October 19, 2009

Do We "Domesticate" Death in the CF Community???

Last week I read an article that got me really thinking. It was splattered with ethical dilemmas and question arousing issues. Read THIS article first, read the blog, and then share your thoughts...

The CF community is faced with questions and situations that could never be explained or understood by others. For me, one of the most interesting is the concept of expecting and accepting death from a young age. This article mentioning trying to "domesticate" death and talking about it to the extent that you're almost too comfortable with it. If you're anything like Ronnie and I, it's not discussed very often, but it's understood and becomes a factor in many decisions. Ronnie has never pictured himself being an old man, but expects to live a long life...a result of years of knowing that CF shortens your life. While I teeter between expecting and hoping for the ideal, long life together, and envisioning losing him at a young age. I think for me, it's a coping method. I tend to get my head wrapped around something so much so that I am disappointed when it goes any other way, and want to make sure that that is not the case in this situation. And while Ronnie is healthy, we both fully grasp how fleeting that health could potentially be. We discussed early on in our relationship the possibly of death at an early age...a conversation not had by many couples in their 20s. A conversation we hope is completely hypothetical. A concept we understand could be a reality. What are your thoughts? Is it unhealthy to talk too much about death. Does talking about it enough make you too comfortable with it?

This article also uncovers the issue of remarrying. If your spouse dies, at any age, at what point, if any, is it ok to move on; to allow yourself to love again? I think the answer is different for everyone, but what is my answer? I'm not sure. I wouldn't say to Ronnie that I'd never remarry. That's a promise I don't know if I could or should make. How do you navigate a second relationship when you haven't let go of a first? Is there a way to remain in love with one person while loving another? All questions I don't think anyone has the "right" answer to, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

The last interesting theme of the article is the moral dilemma of using frozen sperm from a deceased husband, after remarrying with two children. This is something I've never thought about. Interesting predicament. Just thought I'd open up conversation about it...but I have no thoughts of my own to add!

There sure is a lot of room for discussion with many of the issues this article unfolds. I'm sure the topics are ones you've thought about at one point or another. I'd love to hear your thoughts.