Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Are Most CFers "Strong-Willed"?

I wanted to share part of an email that some good friends of mine posted on their fantabulous blog the other day. I'm sure most of you know the Olimb family, but if you don't, you're missing out. Rachel and Jeremy are two of the kindest and warm-hearted people I know and they have an awesome little fibro named Asher. You can follow their journey at asherolimb.com and I highly recommend that you do.

So here's the email that was on their blog describing a "strong-willed" child...

“Children who make decisions with intensity tend to be labeled “strong-willed.” At the end of the day, their parents feel as if they’ve been engaged in hand-to-hand combat—and that the child often wins at the parent’s expense! Most parents consider a strong will a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life. Yet, in reality, it’s the strong-willed kids who are often better equipped to succeed, be creative, and face adversity.

Children with strong wills have the potential to become the next generation of leaders. They have their own ideas and plans. They know what they want. They’re persistent, confident, passionate, and determined to succeed at whatever they choose to do.

Leaders have an agenda, look for ways to incorporate others into their plans, and have a high need for control in life. Balanced with graciousness, leaders become a treasure because they make things happen, create organization out of chaos, and motivate people to action.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to raise a leader. These kids tend to have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do. A strong will keeps a child moving in a certain direction in spite of obstacles. Often these children need bigger barriers or tighter limits to teach them that those boundaries are firm.

Don’t be discouraged by the effort it takes to teach a strong-willed child which limits not to push. The strong-willed child accomplishes things in life, because the roadblocks that might hold others back are no match for this kid’s determination. Your job is to help him know the difference between obstacles to overcome and limits to live within.

A strong will can be an asset… as long as the heart is in the right place.”

Rachel actually sent me a message and said that she saw a lot of these qualities in Asher and was curious to know what I thought about my personality as a kid. I thought it none better to just go straight to the source and I emailed my mom about it. Her answer was short and sweet, but I think said all that it needed to:

Yes...you were a strong-willed child and the hardest part was teaching you "boundaries", "which limits not to push" and the "limits to live within." I lived in constant fear waiting for the next shoe to drop!

I found this pretty funny cause to be honest, I bet that if you would ask Mandi, she'd say that nothing much has changed. They say that most children develop their personality by 1st grade. I'm going to say that it's a pretty safe bet that I was no different.

So what do you think? Do most cysters and fibros you know exhibit "strong-willed" personalities?

Comments (6)

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My brother (not a CFer) was the classic strong-willed child. My parents read the book "How to Raise a Strong-Willed child" and it was like reading his biography, they said. I was not like that. I was a happy child, easy-going, and compliant in most areas. When I got older (6-7ish?) I had a temper that would rival The Hulk's, and much more "determined" and "stubborn". However, I didn't use those traits negatively and rarely complained about anything CF related (other than doctor visits) because it was all I knew. When I hit 13, that's when I rebelled.
So, no I was not a strong-willed child, in a negative sense. I've been described as determined by many different people... and stubborn too I suppose. But I think those can be good things!!

Whoa, this was a longer reply than I had intended. Oops! :]
Ronnie, this is so true! i have such a strong willed child and shes only 3.5 - my mom said to me recently...she (Ayla) is one of the strongest willed children she'd ever seen!
I think for all she's been through her will is def an asset! She loves people, living life and always has fun whatever she's doing.. Yes it's tough at times to "disclpline" her but were getting there...and I think CF'ers are blessed with this will...i know we are!
Our little fibro, Bryce is VERY strong willed. He is def testing his limits currently. I know that comes with his age, the big TWO, but I can see how once Bryce has an idea in his head he is going to follow through with it one way or another. I feel like I am constantly disciplining him...it can be hard to find that middle ground. I don't want to let him get away with too much, but I also want him to spread his wings and find his own groove. Needless to say he keeps me on my toes for the entire day. I only get a break when he is sleeping or on the "beat box"! I am in awe of his intensity and his energy. I'm excited to see how his strong personality develops and excited to see where it takes him in life. Love my little wild monster man!
I completely agree!! Our little Levi pretty much fits all of those qualities! I love it though. His passion and excitement for life is such a joy to be around. Yes disciplining is a constant in his life but going to be totally worth it! He is one of the toughest kids I know(that was in a tough as nails kind of way not as in a tough hard to handle kids) and I think his determination and passion will be so great for him as he grows up. He may have gotten a little of his strong willed personality from his mama, maybe just a little :) but I know it will be such a positive thing in his life. We are so blessed!!!!
SO TRUE!! I am that person. My parents had a tough time raising me. haha Especially my mom, when my little brother would be doing something he wasnt suppose to i would yell at him and tell him exactly what my mom was going to say. He would get so mad thinking my mom was listening to me. i wasnt diagnosed with Cf until i was 15, but i ran our house. Still to this day i am strong willed and don't let anyone tell me different.
I'm a cyster and one of the adjectives that I would use to describe myself would be strong-willed, among many other things ;) I think that the reason that a lot of CFers would have this trait is because we have a lot of limitations such as meds and treatments as well as life expectancy, and to defy the last one we need to have the characteristic to want to continue on with our own plan and not be shaken (not stirred, lol) by the realities of this life we live. I don't really know if any of that made much sense, but I tried :D
Love always,
Lauren

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