Friday, December 17, 2010

Creating a Family: Thoughts on Our Options and a Question

So I know that it's been baby central around RSBR lately...It will let up! But before it does, I wanted to post the post I promised I'd post (say that 10 times fast): our thoughts on our options.

First things first, the appointment Tuesday went well. Shockingly well actually. He made it sound like getting me (a 24 year old) preggers was a no brainer. He obviously said we have to first rule out any possibility of me having infertility issues, but he sounds like if there are no issues, we should have pretty good chances. This was music to my ears. I know there is still the chance that we do a few rounds and it doesn't work, but he seems to think if that's the case, then we need to reassess because there's something there we're missing.

I'm excited. I'm excited, and I'll tell you why. To me, the best of our options, the option that I like the most, is being able to conceive a child that is created from Ronnie's DNA and mine. I have spent many hours asking myself why this is; trying to pinpoint my reasoning behind this being my preferred option. And here's what I've concluded: There are two big reasons, but I'm not sure which is the main reason. The first reason is that I want to carry a child. While terrified by the what pregnancy can do to some people's bodies, minds, emotions, etc, I have always dreamed of being pregnant. Most people just played house with babies. I played house "pregnant", "delivered the baby", "brought it home from the hospital"...you get the point. The second reason is that part of me wants to look at my kid's face and see Ronnie. I don't know how to explain that better than that. And I know this one is flawed, as Ronnie keeps reminding me, even if it's biologically his, it very well may not look anything like him. But it's still part of my reasoning, so there you go. To me, this seems like the option you try first.

All that being said, there are a TON of other options. For us, the next options to look at are adoption, fostering to adopt and adopting embryos. Here's the dealio on these options: they're really good options that I am actually excited about. First, adoption and fostering to adopt. While I want to carry our child really badly, I think after holding my adopted/fostered baby in my arms, the pregnancy wouldn't matter, the genes wouldn't matter, nothing. You could hand me a child tomorrow and I would not love it any differently than a child I carried for 9 months with my genes in it. So while I really want to carry our child, if that's not in the cards for us, we'll regroup and look at adoption/fostering to adopt. Also, we have talked about fostering regardless of if IVF works or not. We would love nothing more than having a few biological kids, and then fostering and potentially adopting a few children (no, we we're not picturing a Cheaper By the Dozen or a 18 Kids and Counting deal). We have watched the foster care process with our cousins, and I have a really close family friend that has 3 biological kids and several adopted foster children. I would love that. As I said, you hand me a baby, and I will love it just as much as if I carried it nine months. What a cool way to give a child a home that maybe wouldn't have had one. So even if we do IVF and it works, fostering/fostering to adopt is still in the cards for us!

And onto the last option, adopting an embryo. To be honest with you, I've looked into this only slightly after following the Davenport's (awesome, awesome people) journey. It seems like a really good option that falls somewhere between adoption (in the traditional sense) and having biological children because you adopt an embryo, they implant it, you carry the baby, and vwalla. This is another option for us, but I need to dig into it a little deeper if IVF with our goods doesn't work.

So there you have it...my thoughts on our options. We will be moving forward with option number 1 (IVF) and try to roll with the punches. Here is my question for you: how would you like us to do this? Would you like the blow by blow? Postings each step of the way? Or would you like us to make it through the first round and post backwards how we got to the outcome we got to? We want to share the process, but in the way you all want to hear about it! So leave a comment and let us know!

Comments (19)

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It is an incredible journey with so many options. Our doctor was so positive and had recently helped a CF couple right before we came to the practice and they were on their second child. Having gone through it, I'm not sure that I would have posted (had I even known what a blog was at the time) a blow by blow. It was all very exciting going through the process, but when we hit a bump in the road and our first cycle was canceled, it was a really personal, emotional, private time. We actually took a few months to let my body recoup and our hearts. Maybe we (your readers) aren't the answer to how much you should share. Maybe the feedback you get and time spent in prayer will lead your heart to do what is best for you and Ronnie. We are going to be here either way! :) Merry Christmas to you and your families.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Thanks for this...it's great insight. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have the cycle canceled!
Amazing!!! Starting a family is so exciting!!! I am thrilled for you guys. We will be praying that the Lord opens the doors in the way he wants your family to begin and that he will make it completely clear!! I totally agree with your two reasons of wanting to be pregnant and having kiddos that are part Ronnie. I felt the same way and honestly I think most women feel that way too!! We will be praying for you guys through the process. As far as sharing. I love the details and obviously I have shared every little detail about our embryo adoption on our blog because I know it was a miracle and I didn't want to keep secret all that the Lord had done for this littlest. On the other hand I know some of it is super personal and for me in life I am pretty much an open book so I put it all out there knowing that the could be potential heartbreak. The one thing I kept in mind when putting anything on my blog is that my little one would possibly be reading it someday and with that in mind I was very mindful of how I worded things. Ok I know you didn't ask for personal stories. :) I started to go off a little anyways what I am trying to say is I would love to hear all of the details but feel like it is totally up to you and Ronnie and how you guys are feeling.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I totally agree! It is so important to remember that our future babies will be reading much of this and watching videos from the process! I too am an open book, so it feels like it would be weird to not share...but didn't want to turn this into baby land (like my mind these days)!!
I think regardless if you share or not - you should definitely document this journey either online or in a journal - just somewhere. When you wait a week or so to post about something so emotional and so real, sometimes a lot of the details will be left out of your writing and I think you will love looking back and reading about how you started out, and really capturing your entire journey - good times and bad :-)
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I agree Molly!!!!
Ahh you hit spot on the reason why I want to have a child that is biologicly Spencer's and my own. I want to see Spencer. not to bring any depressing thoughts to this post - but in reality, I have to understand that it is a very, very real fact that I may be a widow much sooner than I would like. If we were to have a biological child together, it comforts me to know that even though Spencer might be gone someday - that some part of him is living. That may sound confusing, but it all makes since in my head. As you said - I want to look at our child and see Spencer.
Now on to your question!!! - I LOVE that you have been posting your journey with "baby makin" ;-) It's a very real topic that I can't find all that much information about. It's a very real topic and one that will come up in a few years when Spence and I have decided that we want to start a family. As always you can keep ANYTHING you want private and I, and other readers, will respect that - but I appreciate you sharing and I find it very helpful! I enjoy reading your thoughts and opinions after you experience something. Such as, you went to the doctor - you write about what happened and how you felt about it... etc.
=) Take care!
1 reply · active 745 weeks ago
I fully understand what you're saying, Nikki! I have had the same thought cross my mind once or twice as well!
I didn't read the other responses, but maybe you could start a second blog all about your journey to become parents. You could post as often as you want. I would read about your journey no matter where you post it.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Woah, that would be ambitious!! I don't know if I could handle a second blog :)
I have to add my input!!! Being a Mom to a CF child we have decided that when we are ready for a second child we will do IVF. So, of course I love hearing other stories about this! Because everyone's journey is so different! I think 150% you should keep us posted on how things are going step by step! I think it is very inspiring for others to hear your journey and hear the options that are available. I can't wait to hear that you are expecting Mandi!!

Oh...and with the whole being pregnant....it really isn't that bad! You are so tiny that you will bounce right back! Don't worry! :-)
1 reply · active 745 weeks ago
Thanks Jessica!! Would love to share how the process looks so you know what to expect!
It seems like the tiniest women bouce back like a rubber ball..

I would like to see a "blow by blow" but you have to do what is right in your hearts, and yes, I feel the importance to document everything. I should have documented SO MUCH MORE of my own pregnancy. Now, I know its controversial, but doesn't Ronnie have a brother? Have you thought about asking for a "donation" from him if your attempts with Ronnie's goods doesn't work, that way you have a sense of the family genetics. That is so important today with other possible medical crises out there. Especially if your child ever needs a bone marrow or kidney transplant.

Above all --follow your heart on this - if there is an option that is screaming at your heart - DO IT.... don't let there be any regrets...
2 replies · active 745 weeks ago
Ronnie does have brothers...but I can't go there! I hear what you're saying...but I have a HUGE mental block there. It would just be too weird in my mind!
I remember feeling that way as well. Especially since at the time that my hubby and I were TTC (trying to conceive) my brother-in-law was only 15.

You're gonna hear a LOT of acronyms.. if you need any deciphering just ask - Melissa Jones-Weston on Facebook .

Since you can't go the sperm meets egg route you can bypass EWCM - Egg White Cervical Mucus , afterall don't you worry enough about mucus with Ronnie?
Very exciting! I have done 5 rounds of IVF and PGD and have 2 kids, and have implanted frozen embryos too. I also had a person offer me their frozen embryos when it looked like IVF was not working for us and my sister even offered me her eggs. So I have been thru a lot of the different choices! Any questions - just let me know.
Side note, the time IVF worked for us, we did all the "superstitious' stuff. I did actupucture, message before implant and a bunch of other things too.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
OOOO pass on the list of EVERYTHING you did!! I'll do anything...I'm already cutting out caffeine and eating more variety in my diet in an attempt to make my body a baby makin' machine!
That is so exciting! Congrats to both of you! And I love seeing all the blogs of your process. Plus, I love reading everyone else's comments too. I am so intrigued by IVF & PGD and it seems like first hand experience is the best resource!
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I think you're right...I get more out of message boards and blogs than all the articles and sites!

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