Monday, December 13, 2010

A Mixed Bag of Emotions

Tomorrow we meet with a fertility doc and I'm a mixed bag of emotions. Tomorrow is an initial consult: to hear what the options are, what the process looks like and what a reasonable timeline might be. As we have said before, we know it's a LONG process, so we're trying to start it on the early side of when we want to start popping out babies, because the last thing I want is to get the itch really bad, and have no answers and no idea what I'm looking at in terms of time (patience is something I'm still working on). All that being said, I would take a baby tomorrow if you handed it to me. I've always wanted to be a mom (probably because my own mother was a rock star) and I don't feel like there's anything we need to accomplish or do before a baby comes. So I am getting a little itchy :) The only thing that has kept us from going to see someone sooner is that we're just enjoying each other. Newly married life is the BEST and obviously a baby would really throw a wrench in some of that (like "Naked Sunday"...which never really got off the ground, but Ronnie really tried for it by not turning the AC below 85 all AZ). But we also know that Ronnie is 30, and even if he lives to 80 (which we're fully planning on), he'll likely get more and more tired (I guess we all will!), so I want to be sure that we're having kids while he's still a spring chicken and can throw a ball with them in the back yard (one of his top reasons for wanting kids).

There are about a bazillion questions swirling in my head, in addition to "when is right for us to start?". How much will this cost? How long will I have to be taking meds? (Side Note: I never take meds. And I hate taking meds because I worry about every side effect possible...but that I will have to get over). What are the risks with IVF and ICSI? Will Ronnie's little swimmers be in there when they aspirate? What are the risks of fertilizing an egg with a sperm that would have never been able to do it on their own? (Seems like a recipe for issues). What are the benefits and risks of implanting 1 egg vs 2? I'm only 5'2 and 106lbs....seems like carrying twins would be nearly impossible and just wreak havoc on my body. Although Ronnie keeps saying, "then we'd be done!" "Yeah, done as is dead," I think to myself. Will my vanity allow me to enjoy being pregnant and the likely weigh gain, stretch marks, and who knows what else? (I struggle with this one a bit...but I want to be preggers more than anything it'll be a good learning experience on how to let go, and let God work his magic by allowing a HUMAN TO GROW IN MY BODY - still a crazy concept when you really think about it). Can I exercise? What is different with a high risk pregnancy? Where are all the procedures done? Why are you the doctor for us? (Obviously this is the question I will be asking this doctor, not one that you guys have to answer!) What if I have infertility issues also that we don't know about?

Those are just a few of the many questions. Some will be asked in this initial meeting...many will be reserved for when we actually get into the meat and potatoes of the process. I will try to take it all in and share as much as I can. In doing my hours of research (yes, hours upon hours) regarding options for couples in which the man has CF, there was very little to be found. Luckily, I found a few people on CysticLife who had been there and were willing to answer questions. Oddly enough, someone on CL, living in Phoenix, wrote a blog about all of it just a few weeks back. But I haven't found much more than that, and I know there are a ton of people out there with the same questions (maybe just about male infertility in general). So I will try to relay as much info as I can: the options and detail the whole process. Feel free to ask questions. After we hear what our options are tomorrow, we'll write our thoughts on each option (including the not so obvious of no IVF at all, and adopting or fostering to adopt). So expect that post in the next week or so!

So here's to tomorrow, step 2 in our baby makin' journey! I'm excited and want to puke, all at the same time!!!!