Wednesday, June 15, 2011

That Little Piece of Regret

Earlier on today while walking towards the fridge to get my second dose of Cayston I yelled out to Mandi “well I guess I might as well do another treatment!”. Then, for some strange reason, I thought to myself, "Man, will I be doing treatments for 2 to 3 hours a day for the rest of my life?". What came next was actually kind of strange and to be honest, kind of surprised me. Immediately after the statement I had just internally made, I thought to myself, “I sure wish I would have started doing more treatments earlier on in life”.

So that brings me to my question for those of you reading this - do you wish you would have been on the compliance bandwagon earlier? Or let me put it another way for those of you who have always done treatments - Do you ever look back and wish you hadn't done so many? I would of course hypothesize that there is not a single CFer out there who regrets being compliant, but I recognize that this hypothesis is really just a shot in the dark. Just as I tell people that you'll never regret a work out, I would like to think I could tell people that you'll never regret a treatment. I wish I could say that I was one who never missed a treatment, but I can't and therefore that little piece of regret is still with me.

The key in this however is that I'm not filled with the kind of regret that weighs me down. Do I regret not doing more treatments when I was younger? Absolutely! Do I allow that regret to stunt my progress going forward? No way! I completely realize that there is no turning back the clock and getting back to a point where I can somehow re-do my treatments. I can however from this point on hold that small piece of regret in my mind for the sole purpose of motivating me to make better decisions regarding my health going forward. Fortunately for me, when I did step up my treatment regimen, I was able to “turn back the clock” so to speak. I was able to return my lung function to a place that it hadn't been since 2003. I was able to do things physically that I hadn't been able to do with such energy for quite some time. There is of course a part of me that says, “imagine if you would have had this commitment when you moved out of your parents house” or “imagine if you was spent less time 'doing the college thing' and more time taking care of yourself”. Would things really be different? Who knows, but I guarantee it wouldn't have been detrimental to my health to be more compliant in my past.

So what's the point of his blog anyway? There really is no point, I just thought I would share some of the thoughts I was having today.

Maybe you're at that point right now where you have some decisions to make regarding your health. Maybe you're about to ship off to college and for the first time in your life your health is completely in your hands. Maybe instead of getting out of the house right now to hang with your friends you can do treatment and catch up with them 30 minutes later. Who knows what this blog will do, but if it can help some fibro or cyster out there to avoid that little piece of regret, it would be completely worth writing.