Tuesday, March 27, 2012

3 Major Needs in the CF Community

**Workout challenge - 30 minute walk
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I was asked this question the other day and I thought it would be appropriate to share my answer over here as well...


What are 3 major needs as a whole you see within the CF community?

Exposure to the good stories. We're constantly assaulted by so many stories about death, sadness, transplants at an early age, etc that I think it's time someone focuses on only exposing the positive things that those is our community are doing every day. 



To me, there's a big difference between being "real" and being "realistic". Yes, everything that happens in someone else's life in the community is in fact real, but is it realistic for you? Well that depends on the person. A lot of stories we here about others make it seem as if they had no control and CF was going to do whatever it wanted. Again, may have been the case for them, but I assure you that has never been the case for me and many, many others in this community. Many of us have more control over this thing than even we give ourselves credit for. Each and everyone of us can make the choice to make daily decisions to put ourselves in the best position to succeed. Generally, those of us who do well with that strategy have MANY more good days than bad. We're athletes, doctors, lawyers, stay-at-home moms, dads, husbands, college students and teachers.


There are PLENTY of good things out there in this community that never get talked about - I'm doing my best to change that. 

Insurance. Insurance or matters of insurance continue to be a big need in any medical community that needs it. Some of the issues are because of the system, some are because of a lack of education and some are simply others putting their own agenda ahead of the need for insurance.



I'll be the first to say that I've been blessed to have great insurance my entire life. But, it must also be pointed out that my mom didn't run out and get the job that she enjoyed the most when I was diagnosed with CF, she ran out and got the job with the best insurance. Is it "fair" that she would have to place insurance needs before career goals? No, but that's the way it was, so she played the hand she was dealt.


Before Mandi and I got married, she applied to every job under the sun that had good insurance. Sure, there were plenty of jobs she would have rather done, but those jobs wouldn't have come with the benefits that we needed. 


This CF life is all about choices. Unfortunately, there are times when what we want to do for ourselves, isn't what's best for what we need to do for our families.

Parenting skills. It saddens me to see some of the decisions that these parents make with their children. Successful parenting often results in a successful CF life, but unfortunately, the inverse of that is also true. Now, there are certainly exceptions to that rule, but as I said above, it's all about being in the best position to succeed. Sadly, I've seen plenty of parents in this community hold their children back way more than CF ever would.



We're often a direct reflection of our parents. The way they walk, the way they talk, the way they act, and yes, even the way they think. If you as a parent are embarrassed of this disease and think it should be a secret only for a select few, than most likely your child will see it as a scarlet letter as well. Can you imagine that? Walking around with this big secret as a kid that isn't going away anytime soon. That would be terrible. Yet, I still see it happening to this day. 


Parents yell at their children for not doing treatments as they sit on the couch drinking a beer. They tell their kids to stop complain, yet piss and moan about their day at work. Be what you want to see. Model the good behavior that you hope to get from your kids. Think health and taking care of yourself is important for your kids? Then make sure that's it's just as important for you as well!! Want your kid to embrace this disease and do what they have to do to succeed? Then smile everyday and make it clear to them that you'll be there every step of the way, and make any sacrifice that you need to in order for them to kick some CF booty!


It must be noted that having good parenting skills is not exclusive to the CF community, however, the stakes may be a little bit higher.



So what do you think? Agree or disagree? What would you add to the list?

Comments (18)

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I totally agree! I actually think varied levels of exercise strategies and programs are needed to be presented more often. You do a great job of this, but I think our doctors should include this in our treatment plan on a regular basis.
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Yes! That's also a MAJOR need in this community and in fact, a major need for everyone!! I completely agree :)
Coming from the mouth of a parent, I agree with all three points. As far as attitude and approach goes in parenting a child with CF, I try to be as positive as I can be (of course I have my moments). For one, it's just a good state of mind to be in and two, my sweet little six year old learns by example. Just ride with us in the car once and you'll see what I mean by example! Ooops....There are a few dumb dumbs on the road!....according to us. :)
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Yes, the road (and life) is full of dumb dumbs :)
One million percent true. When Gavin was first diagnosed, I googled - positive stories about CF. And I got back nothing. True story - big reason I started our own blog (which I have been neglecting!)

I am positive that Gavin's health has been the way it has been, because (a) great health care from his team of doctors and (b) NOTHING gets in his way. We raise him just like any other child!
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
I hope you seen that there are plenty of positive stories to go around Jen!! Keep doing what you're doing cause I know that you are nailing it :)
As a parent of a 2nd grader wcf, we've always made sure that treatment times are his time to do whatever he wants -- dvds, video games, ipad... And one of us keeps him company. I'll admit, I have had a beer during the one before his bedtime while he's playing xbox in the living room. :) We also try to make sure that he's not treated any differently at school, daycare, extracurricular activities. He's a normal child, who can do normal thing -- he just has to do a few extra things (treatments, meds, water, salt) to ensure he stays happy and healthy. If he claims his legs are too tired and he complains he can't do something, we usually call him on it. Some of our relatives try to treat him like a fragile, sickly child, but he's not and he's perfectly capable of doing normal things.
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
The beer example was to make a point of a larger issue. I hope you enjoyed that beer!!
I love that you addressed the need for more postive stories!! As a CF momma nothing gives me hope for my son like seeing others embracing dreams dispite CF.

When I see them I try to share them with my CF mothers circle and with my son because we all need a little uplift and a reminder as to how far our children can go with daily dediction to good health.
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing positive stories that you come across. We need more mommas in the community like you - that's the only way the attitude of the community will change and a majority can really get a sense for what's out there.
THe day Jackson was diagnosed, I asked about support communities and groups. Our social worker actually told me she strongly advised we NOT seek that out just yet, and when I went looking, I found out why. The glut of fear and negativity was TOO MUCH for me to handle at that point. And when I talk about CF, I try very, very hard to include just how wonderful and beautiful our life is, at LEAST as much as sharing challenges and fears. I frequently relate to people that living with (having a child with) CF *IS* hard, but really it's just life in a microcosm. It causes me to really look at what matters, every single day. Petty things get stripped bare, love, family, health, and living our beliefs are what we try to keep our focus on. I'm rambling! As for Insurance- we just lost ours again. I'm lucky to have a great team to put me in touch with all available resources, but not everyone is, or even knows (or cares) what questions to ask and where to go. THAT is just unfathomable to me. I could probably write a novel here, but I'll step down from my podium and give you back the floor. :)
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Novels are welcomed around here! I'm glad to hear that you are so willing to share how wonderful your life is. We need more of that!!
From my experience I think all people with CF should be encouraged to play sports and be outside, my family discouraged me saying I would get sick if i played any of the sports i wanted to as a child. Now i love working out and regret missing out on friendships i could have made doing sports instead of hiding. I never told anyone growing up i had cf i tried to keep it a huge secret and it was stressful especially when you have to go to the office at lunch for meds to eat. I think if i had been more comfortable with who i am i would have had more fun in school instead of dreading going everyday. Insurance is definitely tricky. I never know what to ask or where to find information out. Right now it seems to be ok but i live in constant fear that it will change and i will be without meds or something.
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Did your family encourage you not to tell anyone about CF?
Traci Johnson's avatar

Traci Johnson · 679 weeks ago

I love this post Ronnie! Thanks so much for bringing this to everyone’s attention.
Xa did the same as your wonderful Mom. He always made sure he had great insurance for the girls, that was always his first priority and he felt very blessed to be able to have such a job. I love the quote, “Is it "fair that she would have to place insurance needs before career goals? No, but that's the way it was, so she played the hand she was dealt.” That’s what parents do (or should do), in my opinion. And Mandi deserves the same credit because she went into your marriage as a team player, not by herself.
I also love the point about being embarrassed about CF (or any disease). I remember you talking about going on a date and setting your pills on the table, letting the other person “take it or leave it” and know early on what the real deal is (I'm paraphrasing). I understand parents and/or kids not wanting everyone to feel sorry for them, etc. but I am all about being real and authentic.
And the thing that gets to me the most are parents of CF children who smoke. Don’t get me started on that one! Like you said, “Be what you want to see.”
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
Ahh yes, the good ol' dating days of plopping the pills out on the table!
Ronnie,
Thank you once again to you and Mandi for your inspiration. I couldn't agree more with your post. Over the last year, I have truly come to believe that the most important part of CF care is a positive outlook on life. For the longest time, I had this negative narrative about how CF was out of my control, and I was just along for the ride.

Almost a year ago, I got a crazy idea into my head that I wanted to run a half marathon. Six months later, with the help of very supportive friends/family and a training group, I did it. I wasn't fast, but that wasn't the point. The goal was to finish, and I 100% achieved my goal. Nearly 12 months later, I am still running several times a week. For anyone who doesn't believe they can run, try alternating a minute of running and with a minute (or a few!) of walking. You might be surprised how far you get. I certainly was.

Armed with my new attitude, I feel empowered everyday to conquer any challenge that comes my way. That means getting plenty of sleep, consistently exercising, eating right, having fun with friends and, most of all, remembering that I am 23 and I have a lot of living left to do.
1 reply · active 679 weeks ago
That's so awesome Kate!! Anytime that you're up for it, I would love a guest post from you about what you decided to do to take back your health and the benefits you've seen since making that decision :)

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