Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Ever Question Having a Family?

Another great question by a reader....
I saw that you have a child, did your CF ever make you question having a family? My boyfriend and I have open discussions about how we feel about marriage and kids, etc. but i recently opened my mouth asking how he feels due to the fact that he has CF-which was probably not the smartest move on my part. his outlook on the future has changed ever since we talked about that.

 First thing we did after getting married was get my wife tested to see wether or not she was a carrier of the CF gene. Thankfully she was not, so we were able to pursue a family using IVF.

Did I ever question having a child? Not really. I was created to be a Daddy. Can something go terribly wrong with me and end up having a negative impact on my daughter? Sure. But I can promise you and anyone else I know that I will continue to work my butt off each and everyday to ensure that doesn't happen. Starting a family put my health into focus even more than it already was.

I can totally understand your BF reaction. I'm guessing that he felt "less of a man" after that conversation. As men, we want our partners to be 100% confident in our ability to take care of the family. I'm sure you also made him feel mortal in a time he may have felt immortal. I'm glad you guys are having the conversation though as it is a very important one to have.

I'll leave you with this...When my now wife and I were dating we were taking about the future and marriage. She captured my heart when she said, "I just want you to know that I'd be strong enough to be a young widow. I know we both will make sure that doesn't happen, but if it does, I can handle it."

I know that's a little deep, but sometimes the best of relationships are formed out of conversations like that :)
Pontificated by Unknown
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John · 656 weeks ago

This is a very important question to bring up during a serious relationship because you really need both parties on the same side. In my case, when I discussed starting a family with my wife we were both ALL IN. To get more details on our IVF process and my CF life I invite everyone to check out my blog. http://livingmydreamswithcf.blogspot.com/

As far as feeling "less of a man" I have never felt like this with my wife. We both understand the realities of me having CF and the possible future. No one knows what the future holds or when our time maybe up but all you can do is your BEST everyday to be there for your family. I can say that going through this IVF and PGD process it has giving me just that much more of an added inspiration in my life!!
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RunSickboyRun 96p · 656 weeks ago

I couldn't agree more John. Going through the entire process really puts things in focus.
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Rachel · 656 weeks ago

This may be a tough question, but what if Mandi was a carrier? It seems like you two would have been a little close to break it off. I know many people get tested to see if they are a carrier, but I am afraid of eventually finding someone and then just breaking it off because they are a carrier. Would it be worth it for when I do find someone later down the road?
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RunSickboyRun 96p · 656 weeks ago

If Mandi was a carrier, we would have pursued other avenues to create a family wether it was fostering, adoption, sperm donor, etc. We purposely didn't get her tested until AFTER we got married because we didn't want the outcome, wether a carrier or not, to hang over our head in any way going into the marriage.

If she were a carrier, it would not have changed my love for her. I married Mandi for who she is, not the genes she possesses.
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Suzane · 656 weeks ago

Hi There ... My name is Suzanne and I am the wife of a CFer who is 34 years old. I really enjoy reading your blog including this very entry. I think it is because I see a lot of similarities in the way you and Mandy live your lives in the way we do the same. In fact, my hubby and I had an almost identical conversation as you & Mandy about kids and CF. I also wasn't tested until after we were married. However, we explored options of what would happen either way. What I learned is that if both of us had the gene we had the option of doing IVF with PGD which can identify the embryos carrying the CF gene and allow you to become pregnant with the normal embryos. I haven't done a ton of research on the issue after we learned that I wasn't a carrier, but it certainly is an option when both people are carriers of the CF gene. Our little boy is almost 2 and we are preparing for another round to hopefully get him a sibling. Best of luck to everyone and thanks again for sharing your lives with us.
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RunSickboyRun 96p · 656 weeks ago

Thank you for taking the time to comment on and read the blog Suzane. IVF with PGD was never an option for Mandi and I as we will use any and all embryos created as a result of our choice to do IVF.
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Suzane · 656 weeks ago

And I completely understand and respect that point of view. In fact, we are friends with another CF couple who have the same view of PGD and chose not to use it for that very reason. However, it may be a possibility for others so I just wanted to put it out there. Again, thanks for taking the time to bring these issues out to the public at large. I know we all come from different backgrounds and have different beliefs, but engaging in this type of dialog benefits everyone. Take care!
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RunSickboyRun 96p · 656 weeks ago

Totally. I was just sharing where we stood :)

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