Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thankful Thursday: This One's a Doozy

We are switching things up...Thankful Thursday is coming from me instead of Ronnie today...

Alright y’all, grab a chair and a cup of coffee, this blog is going to be a doozy.

We have been holding out on you. We’ve been going through the process of trying for baby number two since November. Last time we went through IVF, we shared every intimate detail as they happened. This time we decided we wanted to spare our families the blow by blow and surprise everyone with our pregnancy like most people get to do. We figured switching it up would be fun for everyone, and assumed it’d be a quick process like last time (silly us).

Starting in November, we began an IVF cycle. We had an egg retrieval in December and because I was highly overstimulated (estrogen at 7900 for those of you who have done IVF) we were forced to not do a fresh. We decided that of the 25 eggs retrieved, we would only fertilize 10, to avoid having a ton of embryos, not knowing if our cycle with Mckenna (and only having 1 good embryo and one decent embryo) was a fluke or not. We found out 4 days after our retrieval, that none of our embryos continued to develop. It was a devastating blow, but we brushed ourselves off and moved forward with another cycle. The plan was to fertilize the remaining 15 eggs, this time, with fresh sperm since we had used frozen sperm before.

In February, about a week before transfer, we went in to make sure the meds I was on thickened my uterine lining as it should have, before Ronnie went in for his sperm retrieval. Much to our shock and disappointment, my lining, for the first time ever, didn’t get thick enough so the cycle was cancelled. Again, we dusted ourselves off and moved forward. Trusting that God would make our family grow in his timing.

The next step was to try another protocol to thicken my lining. This time, with a low dose of stim meds. We decided since we were already using some stim meds, that we would up the dose a smidgen and just take the eggs. So we did just that. We retrieved another 20 mature eggs. Confident this time that our embryo quality issue was not a fluke, we went ahead and fertilized all the eggs we had (fresh and frozen, totaling 35 eggs). After 5 days of development, we had 2 BEAUTIFUL embryos to transfer that day, and 4 great embryos to freeze. We were confident and relieved.

9 days later we got the exciting news that we were pregnant. Praise Jesus. Our beta numbers were average, high for one, low for twins, so we weren’t sure what we had brewing. We eagerly awaited our first ultrasound which was supposed to be today.

On Tuesday, the 16th, I had some bleeding in the morning. I panicked. We called the doctor. They got us in for an ultrasound and blood work within the hour. Unfortunately, the ultrasound and blood work confirmed our biggest fear. I had miscarried about a week prior and was no longer pregnant.

I won’t lie. It’s still raw. It still sucks. I feel like so much was changed and ripped away so fast. But with all that said, I am really thankful. This is the best case of the worst case scenario. It is so early, so we are thankful that we hadn’t yet seen our baby or babies on an ultrasound or heard heartbeats. We are thankful that we found out two days earlier than we maybe would have if I hadn’t had bleeding. We are thankful that we had the opportunity to carry those little loves for at least a few weeks. We are thankful we have 4 more embryos frozen, waiting for their mommy and daddy. We are thankful it happened now, and not weeks and weeks down the road, when we were even more attached. We are thankful all of these struggles are happening in trying for number two. While we so desperately want to add to our family, the sting is much less when we get to snuggle Mckenna through the trials. We are thankful we have a strong marriage, one that we can openly discuss feelings and in the end, I believe that will get us through anything we are going to face.

We have so much to be thankful for, even in these tough times. We know and trust that God has a plan for our family. We believe whole-heartedly that God will provide us with the children we are meant to have. So we will continue to move forward trusting that He will provide exactly what our family needs. We decided to finally share our story and our struggles because we know that many in the community are facing these similar issues with IVF. When we started out, we assumed it would be quick and we were excited that we could spring it on our families in a fun way. But that isn’t our reality anymore, and so we feel it’s important to share our current situation so others may find encouragement in our story.

With all that said, we haven’t decided what we will share going forward. We haven’t decided if we want to move forward with frozen transfers and surprise family with a possible pregnancy in the future or if we will drag them through the blow by blow. Regardless, I will continue to post how I’m doing with the process and how we are feeling. We appreciate everyone’s support, and please know that we are completely comfortable to discuss what has happened thus far, so if you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask. The miscarriage is a bit raw still, as it’s still fresh, but questions regarding any and all of our journey thus far is fair game!

Please just keep us and our quest for baby number 2 in your prayers! Please also join us in our complete peace and faith that our family will be exactly as is should be, whether that’s with just Mckenna, with more biological children, adopted children, or a combination thereof.

My anthem through all of this is this song. It brings me such peace and so much joy: