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As some of you know, I am having Thanksgiving in Shanghai with my family (my parents live there), so I flew out of Phoenix on Saturday morning. Most of you are quick on your toes and have realized that I am going sans Ronnie, and worse yet, I’m leaving him all alone in the Hole. I must say, I feel a little guilty. I already felt guilty leaving Ronnie back in the states for the holiday of thankfulness. I would love for him to be able to join me, but the last (and only) time he was in China with me, it ended in a 50 day hospital stay. So him coming along really wasn’t in the cards. To add insult to injury, Ronnie came due for a tune-up...and there was NO way I could back out of my family trip. So where does that leave us? With a little guilt and the reality that we can only do so much when it comes to planning our lives around CF-related occurrences.
In an ideal world, we family and loved ones would be able to drop everything when it was tune-up time and spend all day and night with our CFers. I know I’d love nothing more. But unfortunately the reality is not as awesome. We all still have to be at work on Monday morning, have prior commitments, have kids to shuttle around, have chores to do, and in my case, a trip booked for months. This all sounds good on paper, but it is a little harder to grasp when you’re sitting on a 13 hour plane ride feeling guilty that you’ve left your fiance of one week sitting in the hospital without you and you’re missing him TERRIBLY (and it’s only been 24 hours since you’ve seen each other).
The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing his family is in Tucson and knows just what he needs when he’s in the hospital. They bring him dinner every night, come over to watch TV, play games, etc. I have to remember that they took care of him for 29 years, and can easily take care of him for a week while I’m out of town. Knowing there’s someone else to pick up my slack makes me feel so much better when I’m feeling guilty, and wishing I was there with him.
Have you ever wanted to be with your family member or loved one and just couldn’t? What did you do to avoid the guilty feeling? And what do you do to make sure they’re still cared for?? CFers- clue us loved ones in, how does it make you feel?
