Monday, January 25, 2010

Early Thoughts on Marrying a CFer

I was contacted earlier this week by a girl that is dating a CFer. She asked how I deal with everything that comes along with dating someone with CF, namely, the possibility of sickness and death. It was a good opportunity for me to put into words what I've thought for so long regarding that issue. Ronnie and I talked very early on about those possibilities and I had a very set way I required myself to think about it all before I would marry Ronnie. Here is my exact response:

"Let me tell you, first and foremost, I am still learning how to navigate all of this myself. Ronnie and I have been together for a little over 1.5 years, so I am relatively new to the game. But it is something I am getting comfortable with.

Here are my thoughts on all of it. Initially, it was scary. Ronnie and I talked very early on about the possibilities. We talked about the uncertainty that comes with CF, and not only death, but the hospital bouts, the good and bad days, etc. I learned early on that CF was something he felt was a blessing in his life and I would need to adopt the same perspective if this was ever going to work. I then began to think about life as a widow. As in, if Ronnie were to die in the early part of our marriage, how would that be for me. How would life look? How would I choose to move on? Would I be able to pick myself up? Would I be happy? These were all important questions for me to answer. Ronnie and I truly believe he is here for a purpose and that he has CF for a reason, and when he is done carrying out his purpose, he'll die. Ronnie has been comfortable with the thought of death and with God's plan for his life, so I knew that if I were his wife, and lost him, I would NEED to continue to have that attitude. I told him that I wouldn't marry him unless I KNEW that I could stand up the next day, put a smile on my face, and look people in the eye when telling them that Ronnie's life was just as it was supposed to be and that I trusted God's plan. So I quickly worked to get my thinking aligned with that so I knew that I could carry on Ronnie's attitude after he died. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's where I am with all of it.

I still struggle. I cry at the thought of it. I get choked up when I think about it. I get choked up talking to others that have lost a spouse to CF. But I truly feel any amount of life with Ronnie is worth it to me. There is a huge religious aspect of this for me and Ronnie, and I'm certain that helps with my perspective. I don't know where you stand on religion, but I know that it is what really brings me peace with all of the uncertainty. I know that I'm being looked out for and watched over, so I feel as if everything that comes my way, good or bad, in sickness and in health, it is all part of a plan."