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Well that's how I feel in my class, Intensity, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. There are a group of women about my age that are like freakin' animals. The first week we took the class Ronnie and I watched them with admiration. They finish all the exercises before anyone else. They lift heavier weights than anyone else. They are ripped head to toe. We used to call them "those girls" when talking about the class because instantly we both knew who we were referring to. Come to find out a few weeks later that they actually all do fitness competitions. Now they are referred to as "the competition girls"...which is the name everyone in the class knows them by. They are just insane. And I have to be honest, they made me feel like an out of shape loser, which made me push myself harder, but also a little bit dread the class because I knew I'd sit and watch them thinking, "gosh why am I such a loser and they're killin' it?!"
Well fast forward to this morning. I can't go to my normal class with Ronnie because we can't put Mckenna into childcare while she's sick (although it is tempting...I'm not that mom). There are two classes in this group personal training that are similar. The first level is called F.I.T. and the second level is Intensity. Intensity is the one we usually do, but since I couldn't do it today, I went into the F.I.T. class bright and early (at 5:15AM) and I have to tell you, I felt like a rock star. I was doing the heavier weights. I was done before everyone else.
I don't say all this to toot my own horn, but instead to share an eye-opening revelation I had. People will always be better than me, and people will always be worse than me...and who cares. I was so insecure that I was worse than all the girls in my Intensity class. I felt like they all were probably thinking, "oh look at that wimp." But then in today's class when I wasn't the worst, I realized, I'm in the middle of the pack...just like everyone else. And I also realized that as "top dog" in the class, never once did I think, "look at all these losers." In fact, I looked at a couple of the women really struggling and thought to myself, "holy cow...good for them!!" because they were pushing themselves so hard...which even though they were struggling, made them just as much rock stars as "the competition girls."
It was an important lesson for me to learn. It boosted my confidence. It made me realize that we all fall in the middle of the pack somewhere. Those competition girls may get on stage at their fitness competition and finish last...they're in the middle of the pack. Those people struggling in my class this morning may go into another class and be the one lifting the heaviest and finishing first, they're in the middle of the pack. There will always be someone better and someone worse than everyone.
I think sometimes we all hesitate to put ourselves out there at the gym, running outside, or in classes because we're so scared of what we look like in the eyes of others...but goodness was is freeing to realize we all fall somewhere in the middle of the pack...we all are awesome and all are losers, depending on the situation.
