I'm a Wimp

First things first, I feel I should say this is Mandi posting, since it's not Monday! Although, in the context of this post, Ronnie is a wimp too...

Let me explain...

On Sunday my mom and I did the Phoenix Rock n Roll Half Marathon. We decided about a month ago to run/walk it. Neither of us had been training for it, but we both are in reasonable shape and keep up a decent amount of running. Up until the race we both were just doing 2.5-3.5 mile runs a couple days a week. I should mention, I was doing an interval training class and we were both lifting at the gym, so we weren't just sitting around, but never-the-less, we weren't running much. I did do one 7.5 mile run a couple weeks before the race, just to see how it felt. The 7-miler felt ok, but to say I was ready for it to be over about 5 miles in would be an understatement.

Based on our training, or lack there of, we decided we were just going to run/walk it for fun. No pressure. We figured worse case we'd run half and walk half. Our plan of attack started at run 2, walk 1. So we'd run 2, walk 1, run 2, walk 1, repeat. Then the day before the race we decided we'd shoot for run 3, walk 1.

On race day, we felt a bit nervous. We both didn't care about our time or pace, but I think neither of us wanted to be the one to hold the other one back. Standing in our corral, we got our game faces on (aka, joked around by how out of shape we were and that we were crazy for doing this). Here we are!

The view from our corral

The gun went off and we were on our way...well almost. It was a wave start, so each corral was started separately. We had to wait 30 minutes to start...that was a LONG 30 minutes. We started out strong. We both felt good, with the exception of a couple aches in our joints from the cold air, but those went away once we warmed up a bit.

Mile 2 came and went, and we kept running.

Mile 3 came and went, and we kept running.

Mile 4 came, we ran another .5 and decided to walk a bit.

As we walked we realized we still felt our legs. We weren't out of breath while running, our legs were just tired and sore. But they continued to be tired and sore while we walked. We were being passed by people. We are both too proud to be passed (yup, I said it). So between being too competitive and still feeling our legs while walking, we didn't walk the full mile we intended, we walked around .5 miles or a little less. So we started running.

Another 4 miles came and went...and we decided to walk a bit. Again, we still felt our legs, so we started back up in a little less than .5 miles. Here's us, mid-run...clearly I had a bit of trouble getting a good shot.

We ran. We felt tired, but we ran. We joked that the key was just to be more proud than you are out of shape.

At around mile 11.5 we decided to walk another .5 just to "rest up" before the final push. Again we walked just under .5 and started back up.

It was the last 1.1 miles. We both were tired. Here is my rockstar momma pushing through (she didn't know I took this...sneaky sneaky).

It didn't feel like a walk in the park...but 1.1 miles later, we had crossed the finish line. We did it in 2:09:22 - at a 9:53 mile pace. Here we are within a couple minutes of finishing.

I learned a valuable lesson through this half marathon experience. I'm a WIMP. Yup. I am. I had only been running 3 miles. I ran one 7.5-miler, and decided that was enough. I was tired. But then, without legit training, I ran 13.1. You know what that means? That means I didn't push myself nearly enough leading up to race day. I had the ability to run FAR FARTHER than I had been. I had the ability to run 13.1, but I was stopping after 3 or 7.5 miles. I had been wimping out...FOR MONTHS.

I can't help but wonder what I am capable of if I push my body on a daily basis like I did on Sunday. How much faster would I be? How much farther would I run? How much more fit could I be? Because I put in a lot of hours at the gym and working out, I had never stopped and asked myself am I being my best? Am I achieving my full potential? On Sunday I realized I'm not! If I had to guess, most of us aren't pushing ourselves as much as we could. Most of us sell ourselves and our potential short. I think in one regard or another, lots of us are wimps. I thought I was pushing myself, until I pushed myself even further. I've decided not to wimp out anymore. I'm going to push myself beyond what I thought was pushing myself before. My motto always has been (thanks to an old soccer coach), "our body is unlike any other machine, it adapts to the stresses we put on it"...this weekend I realized I'm not putting enough "stress" on it!! Look out body, you're about to be PUSHED like never before!!

Disappointed in...

I had a clinic appointment yesterday as a 6 week follow-up from being in the Hole. I didn't go into it thinking my PFTs were going to be awesome, but I didn't think they would be bad either. I was right. And sometimes, I hate being right.

There were a couple reasons I thought this:

Mckenna came down with Influenza A a couple of weeks ago, and although I avoided the full on flu, I definitely developed a cough that still hasn't gone away.

I was particularly tight yesterday. I'm not sure if it was because of dust in the air or some other environmental factor, but it definitely wasn't "just CF". My cough is generally fairly dry, but yesterday it was tight and dry. Glenda could hear it in my cough and was not at all surprised by my numbers.

Those are pretty good reasons for my lower lung functions, but, and this is a big butt, I mean but, those were in no way the biggest contributing factor to my lower lung function.What those are are excuses. They just happen to feel a little better cause it happened to be out of my control. They'd be reasons if I didn't know this...


The biggest reason my lung functions were down was because, get this, because of me. 

I've been doing a really good job at getting all of my treatments and then some in each and every day. I have however only been doing an average at best job getting in all of my workouts. Now, I'm active everyday without fail because of the many walk we take with Mckenna, but that's just simply not enough for me. If I expect good lung function, I have to do more.

I can't settle for only running 2-3 times this week like I have the previous month. I can't go to the gym only 2-3 times a week and expect my FEV1 to increase. Some people out there may do great with that amount of work, but for me, it's not enough.

How do I know? Because I've put in way more work in the past and have had way better results. It's not the lung functions that I'm so much disappointed in, which by the way were 67% down from 74%, I'm disappointed in my focus and effort. 

I know I can do more. I know my priorities have been shifted over the last month or so. I know that I was more worried about running being hard than I was about the results. I was focused more on how tired I was rather than how much more energy I feel when I'm consistent with my runs. I thought about how cruddy my lungs felt before the run and not how great they feel after. I was focused on all of the wrong stuff.

When it comes down to it, it's not about me. It's not about how I feel. It's not about what I think. 

It's about them. It's about the two people on this planet that keep me going. It's about the commitment I made to my wife. It's about the commitment I'll make to my daughter when she's old enough to hold me accountable.

I know what I need to do. Now I just have to do it.

I need to remind myself every day that it's not about me, it's about what I do, and who I do it for.