The Gift We Were Given

Yesterday, we learned that our final two babies that we had recently transferred into Mandi had not implanted and therefore, we are not pregnant. In the last year and a half, we have lost 6 babies through the IVF process and each one was tough to handle. There is definitely something though that feels different when its your last two. It feels much more final. The pain is a bit deeper. The stress is a bit more. The questions are many. The solutions seem far too few.

While Mandi was getting the blood test yesterday, I took Mckenna to her dance class at the local rec center. We had a great time dancing and playing with the other children. It was at the end of that class that I received the one-worded text that made my stomach drop: Negative.

Ugh.

Throughout the process, we knew this could happen. We knew that we could spend hundred of hours, thousands of dollars and more emotional capital then we count and end up with, well, nothing. Nothing but bruises from all of the shots. Heartache. Questions. And a feeling of "where do we go from here?". Even though we were prepared, you never quite know how you'll react when you hear the news. Fortunately for me, I received the text message with a little gift by my side saying, "Daddy, who's that?"

It still hurt, but I was IMMEDIATELY reminded that our one success absolutely dominates our 3 failed cycles in every way imaginable. I would welcome the emotional and physical pain of IVF every day for the rest of my life if it meant that I had Mckenna as my daughter. What we have as a result of IVF and God's provision trumps, in a big way, the loss that we've experienced as a result of IVF.

As I walked Mckenna out of her class, I couldn't help but experience the joy that I experience every day by being able to be her daddy. We have been blessed beyond measure and are thankful every single day for our family. Is it a family that we would love to grow? Yup. Does that growth need to take place through IVF? Not necessarily. Does God already have our story written? He sure does. Am I thankful that He placed Mandi and Mckenna as two central characters in my story? More thankful than I would ever be able to put into words.

And finally, as we were departing the building, I shared the news with a girlfriend of Mandi's who has been very aware of our journey this far. She was eager to hear the results and was also saddened by the news. When I told her the results were negative, her response was about just as perfect as could be...

(While looking down at Mckenna) "Makes you realize even more how much of a miracle this little one is."

Yes it does. Thank you Jesus.

Ever Question Having a Family?

Another great question by a reader....

I saw that you have a child, did your CF ever make you question having a family? My boyfriend and I have open discussions about how we feel about marriage and kids, etc. but i recently opened my mouth asking how he feels due to the fact that he has CF-which was probably not the smartest move on my part. his outlook on the future has changed ever since we talked about that.

First thing we did after getting married was get my wife tested to see wether or not she was a carrier of the CF gene. Thankfully she was not, so we were able to pursue a family using IVF.

Did I ever question having a child? Not really. I was created to be a Daddy. Can something go terribly wrong with me and end up having a negative impact on my daughter? Sure. But I can promise you and anyone else I know that I will continue to work my butt off each and everyday to ensure that doesn't happen. Starting a family put my health into focus even more than it already was.

I can totally understand your BF reaction. I'm guessing that he felt "less of a man" after that conversation. As men, we want our partners to be 100% confident in our ability to take care of the family. I'm sure you also made him feel mortal in a time he may have felt immortal. I'm glad you guys are having the conversation though as it is a very important one to have.

I'll leave you with this...When my now wife and I were dating we were taking about the future and marriage. She captured my heart when she said, "I just want you to know that I'd be strong enough to be a young widow. I know we both will make sure that doesn't happen, but if it does, I can handle it."

I know that's a little deep, but sometimes the best of relationships are formed out of conversations like that :)

It's a Girl!!! (and 3D-4D pics are crazy awesome)

So Peanut's been a little modest with us for the last couple of ultrasounds so we thought we'd try to get an even better view and made an appointment with a place that could do 3D-4D shots. Unfortunately, we still weren't able to get a clear "4D" shot of the goods, but now two separate ultrasound techs have told us they are 99.9% positive that we're having a little girl :)

We are so excited it's crazy!! We were of course happy to have either a girl or a boy, but just knowing for sure what we're cooking is nice. Now, I will say, we're going to hold off a bit on any purchases until we have another confirmation ultrasound in about 9 weeks and the reasons are two fold - still no absolute money shot and the biggest reason, we've read on too many message boards about couples being told that they were having a little girl at 19 weeks only to birth a boy 20 weeks later :) I mean, the techs did say 99.9% right?

The best news was that our lil' Peanut passed the anatomy scan with flying colors. She's growing right on target and all of her internal organs are looking fabulous.

Enjoy the pics and we'll of course post more pics as we get them (you can also be on the look out for a video as well)...

Thankful Thursday - Snorkeling and My Rock

Know what time it is? It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. as I mentioned, I no longer have the "linkytools" but I invite you to share your thankful blog in the comments section. Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for a healthy little baby. Our 19-week scan yesterday went well and peanut is measuring just right, has all his organs (that they can see) and has an adorable little face! I am so very thankful to have a growing, flourishing little baby, and I hope he/she continues to develop just the way God has planned. Who knows if God has a little boy or a little girl in store for us...hopefully we'll find out today...but whatever peanut is will be just right!

I'm thankful for a great long weekend with family. The annual trip each year to Rocky Point, Mexico with Ronnie's entire extended family (about 40 in total) is always a blast. This year was no different. I am so thankful for such a wonderful family and such wonderful memories that are created each year. There is nothing like fun, sun and relaxation with an incredible family.

I'm SO very thankful that my hubby is always a rock and a voice of reason. We've had a few little hiccups the last few days (well, WE haven't had the hiccups, but this pregnant, overly emotional stress ball has) and Ronnie has calmed my anxious mind, been the voice of reason, and best of all, snuggled me when his wise words went in one ear and out the other...mannn, gotta love pregnancy hormones in an already emotional and high-strung woman (poor Ronnie!)

I'm thankful for my God. When I need something, anything, and I cry out to my God, I often wonder how people do it when they have no faith, no nada to cry out to. I'm glad I have someone bigger than me, and an even bigger and better rock than my incredible hubby. I'm not sure where we'd be without the faith we have!

Ronnie's List:

I'm so thankful that everything looked good on lil' Peanut's ultrasound yesterday! S/he has a great looking brain, heart, spine, bladder, kidneys, fingers, toes, hands, legs, feet and everything else. The lil' bugger is still being shy however and not giving us a clear shot of his/her genitalia so we're still wondering what the sex is. We have a 3D scan today, so we're very hopeful that we'll get some definite gender answers!

I'm thankful for the safe trip to and from Mexico for the whole family this past weekend. Every year about 35-40 of us head down to Rocky Point, Mexico for our annual "family reunion". Other than the occasional flat tire or speeding ticket, we've managed to go to and from without a hitch. This year was no different and I'm thankful that despite all of the warnings coming from our government about our friends to the south, we made it in and out safe and sound.

I'm thankful that I was able to experience God's wonderful underwater creation. Mandi and I had the chance to snorkel this weekend and it was absolutely wonderful. I hadn't been snorkeling since I was about 9, so I was eager to go again although I didn't really know what to expect (but quite honestly, my expectations were low). I was pleasantly surprised. I saw a ton of fish, sea urchins, corral and other cool stuff that I would have never seen had I not stuck my head under water. God is good and His creation is magnificent.

So, what are you thankful for today?

Boy or Girl? Take the Poll!

We thought it would be fun to see what sex you guys think little peanut is by having you take a poll. We have tried our best to find out using stuff like "the ring test" and early ultrasounds, but so far, the results are inconclusive. So what do you think, boy or girl?

You can take the poll on the left side of this blog. Thanks guys!!

**Oh, by the way, we should know for sure on Wednesday and will make sure to fill you guys in :)

Question from Reader: More Severe Genes?

I love getting questions from readers and this one came at a perfect time in light of some new research that just came out. It sounds, given my answer, that I disagree with the research, but in fact I don't. Genes do play a role in how CF manifests itself in our lives, it does not however play the only role. She also asked about IVF and the role, if any, that PGD played in our decision.

Can I ask ? Is there certain Cf genes that are more sever than others or does it make any difference ? How old were u when ur parents told u that u had Cf I don't know when I should approach that with eoin he is 6. Also congrats on your 13 wk scan all looks great did u guys do ivf with pgd ?

My Response:

You know they do classify genes into one of five classes. The classes are often just a representation of how well our cell is functioning. For instance, class 1 has little to no cell function where class 5 has very close to normal cell function. My mutation DDF508 (the most common mutation in the CF community) is considered a class 2. It's important to remember that despite our “class” of gene we have a lot of control in how CF is presented in our lives. I've met people with my mutation that were very sick early on and I've met people with my mutation that are in their 60s. So to make a long story short, it's not about what gene mutation we have, it's about what we do to take care of ourselves.

I don't know how old I was when my mom first discussed CF with me, but I know I was very young. She presented it like this: some people have brown hair, some people wear glasses, some people are in wheelchairs, some people can jump high, and some people have cystic fibrosis. She made it very clear that I was a normal kid who happened to have CF and I was treated as such.

We did IVF but not PGD. Mandi had the CF screen for all 1600 mutations before we did IVF. Mandi is not a carrier of the CF mutation, so we went ahead with starting a family. If she did in fact carry the CF gene, we would have created our family through other means like adoption/fostering.

So good to hear that your boys are doing well! Just keep them faithful with their treatments and as active as possible and chances are they will have a very normal life.

**If you ever have a particular question you'd like to shoot my way, please feel free to email me at ronnie@cysticlife.org or find me on CysticLife!

My Belly's Shrinking?

We are 18 weeks today! So little peanut is about the length of a bell pepper. We haven’t posted belly shots in a while, so here they are. For some reason my belly actually looks like it’s shrinking in some of the photos, but I’ll just blame the photographer (cough, cough, RONNIE). I swear, it’s getting bigger and my jeans are finally getting pretty uncomfortable…but the rubber band trick is still working – except for the fact I have a major muffin top all the way around because they’re just simply too tight. The muffin top could also have something to do with the 9 pounds I've gained to date (no idea where my weight gain is supposed to be at this point, I'm just trying to hit my goal of keeping it to 10lbs at 20 weeks...we'll see). I think it’s getting to be time for some maternity pants, but I’m cheap, so I’m putting it off!

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

What do you think? Is it looking bigger to you? When do you think I’ll officially “pop”?

It's ALIVE...

A little update from Baby Land, just one day shy of 18 weeks. I finally have felt peanut MOVE! I've been pretty sure that I've felt little peanut move every once in a while for the last couple of weeks. But the last two days I'm even more sure that it's peanut. It is wayyyy too low to be my stomach growling and feels nothing like gas, so that leaves one option: baby! Any ladies out there that have been pregnant before or currently pregnant and want to tell me if I'm right? Here's what it feels like (my best description): put your hand on your cheek. Now quickly run your tongue along the inside of your cheek. It feels like what you feel on your hand (did that description make any sense?). Well regardless, that's what I've been feeling and I absolutely LOVE it. I don't get to feel it very often. It's generally only after I eat (normally lunch or dinner), when I'm relaxing/sitting on the couch, half laying, half sitting, face-up. And they come in waves of 2 or 3, but they always quit too soon.

The coolest part is that not only have I been feeling peanut, but Saturday and yesterday Ronnie felt it!! Since I know they come in 2 or 3, when we were on the couch hanging out after lunch (both days) and I felt the first little movement, I had Ronnie put his hand on my belly. After a few minutes of holding really still and being very patient, Ronnie got to feel one little movement each day. As soon as the little "pop" happens, we both look at each other and say, "Woah." Ronnie usually follows his "Woah" with a "I felt that" and mine is followed with a "see that's gotta be peanut.....right??"

Another cool development is the ability to FEEL exactly where my uterus is. It's a bit of a crazy feeling, but if I lay flat on my back, I can see and feel a big "ball" in my lower abdomen, from my pelvic bone to about a half-inch to an inch below my belly button. It's a trip! In the mornings it's always the most exaggerated (probably because I'm not as bloated and haven't eaten in 10 hours), so I often lay in bed for several minutes just running my hands over the "melon" that used my be my flat belly. It is my absolute favorite. I like to picture little peanut in there, and love the thought that my hand it just inches from where he/she is camped out!

If you can't tell, I'm starting to become really fascinated with this little being inside me and the changes that peanut is causing in my body (and the FUN changes, not just the acne and bloating which I've known all too well for the last 18 weeks!). I cannot wait for all the fun to come. It is finally becoming REAL and I can't imagine what it must be like to feel baby many times a day in full force!

That's about it from our neck of the woods. Who's doing something fun for Memorial Day??

**By the by, that is NOT a legit picture of my belly. If and when we can make out peanut's toes we'll probably be too fascinated and shocked to remember to grab a camera!!

Ring Test - Baby Gender Predictor

I know I was supposed to finish up Tuesday's blog, but I've come down with some weird stomach/body virus that is really wrecking some havoc around here. Mandi started feeling sick this morning and thought it was morning sickness until I started feeling a bit queasy. It got worse as the day continued and now has turned into a full fledged body attacking virus. My joints ache, I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up and I can't wait to get to bed. I apologize for not finishing up Tuesday's blog, but I do promise to get to it soon.

In response to some comments on Monday's blog about finding out the gender of our little peanut, we've decided to put some of your suggestions to the test. A few of you suggested trying "The Ring Test" to determine the sex of our baby. For those that don't know. you're supposed to hold a wedding ring that is tied to a string above your pregnant belly. If the ring rocks back and forth in a straight line, it's a girl - if it starts in a circular motion, it's a boy. So, what do you think our ring did???

**Edit - Apparently Mandi is supposed to be lying down for the ring test. Whoops :)**

Top Ten Reasons to Find Out The Sex

On Friday we posted our latest ultrasound video. Being 15 weeks, we thought we could possibly find out the sex, since with the right shot, you can take a really good guess at it. But as you saw in the video, our nurse went back and forth, initially thinking girl, then suspecting girl, and ending the appointment with her best guess, "boy...but we'll have to wait and see." Our IVF clinic is still giving us ultrasounds (just being nice) so we're going to sneak in one last one on Thursday before the baby doesn't fit on the screen, with the hope of finding out the sex.

We got a lot of comments on the video saying that being surprised was the way to go. And I felt the same way most of my life. I always thought I wanted to be surprised. In fact, when I played out my baby's birth I envisioned hearing "It's a ____" out of the doctor's mouth and being so shocked. However, since getting pregnant, my perspective as changed. I figured I'd put together my top 10 reasons for wanting to find out the sex. So here is goes:

1. I hate calling the baby "it". We call our baby Peanut as much as possible, but sometimes there are contexts where he, she, or it is necessary. And something about calling my sweet, precious, totally-loved baby "it" feels cold.

2. I constantly am running my own movies of the future, and having a gender would help my movies along. I want to know if I'm picturing a little boy playing with trucks and begging his daddy to play catch in the yard, or a little girl feeding a bottle to her baby and wearing around mommy's high heels (How's that for fitting your child into gender-specific roles? I just realized as I was typing that that I don't quite have to force my children into stereotypical roles. And I will say, a little girl of ours will be a complete tom boy...but these are my made up movies - so that's what I envision).

3. I don't want a gender-neutral nursery. The nursery is one of the best parts of pregnancy. You get to put together your child's space and make it a place that suits the baby, while still being a room that you'll enjoy in the wee hours of the night. I want a nursery that is perfectly-suited to a little boy or that is girly for a girl. Plus, I'm not that into yellow or green - two of the go-tos for gender-neutral nurseries.

4. Gender-neutral clothes are hard to come by. My friend recently had a baby and in shopping for her little bundle, I found that the girls' sections and boys' sections are huge, but you have to search high and low for cute gender neutral clothes. And being the advanced planner that I am, I know I will want quite a few outfits on hand before baby comes home.

5. Narrowing down the name game. We've started playing the name game since finding out we were pregnant. But we have a tough time narrowing it down to less then 5-10 names. Once we know the sex, we can really start to focus on just the boy names or just the girl names, and finally reach a conclusion. Otherwise, we're constantly churning names for both and I have a feeling we'll never get there by D-day.

6. Bonding. This one sounds a little silly, but I will say it anyways. Something about knowing the sex of the baby seems like it will help me bond while the baby is still in my tummy. When I feel Peanut kick, I want to be able to picture who it's coming from. It kills me that I have to wait another 6 months before actually seeing this little nugget's face, but being able to at least picture a little boy or girl helps - who knows why.

7. Hand-me-downs. We have cousins and friends who have kids of both sexes. And they are generous enough to pass down some things they're no longer using. However, it seems like our house could become a giant store unit pretty quickly if we're collecting both boy stuff AND girl stuff. And then, what do you do with all the stuff of the wrong sex? So knowing the sex will keep our selection limited at least by 50%.

8. Ronnie needs at least 6 months to prepare if it's a girl. Ronnie has ben very honest since the beginning that he wants a boy. "Why?" you ask. Because he knows that a little girl will have him wrapped around her little finger. So he needs some time to strategize how he will remain THE boss-man, while he would be melting inside when she simply looked at him. The joke is on him though, I think a little boy may have the same effect on him :)

9. I'm impatient. I LOVE surprises, but I have always had a tough time not peeking at Christmas gifts before their wrapped and under the tree. It's the same way with the baby. I want to be surprised, but I just can't keep myself from peeking!

10. Ronnie needs to plan exactly what the tattoo will look like on his bum...

KIDDING! There will be no tattoos in this household.

So let's hear it! Did I forget any reasons? Do you TOTALLY disagree? There's still time to change our minds...so let's hear what you've got!

Boy or Girl? 15 Week Ultrasound

So what do you think, boy or girl??

Second Trimester and National News

This week is an exciting week for us in "baby land". We are going to be 14 weeks pregnant tomorrow (Tuesday) and therefore are officially in the second trimester. Quick side note: I keep finding different definitions of when the second trimester officially starts, but 14 weeks is the latest I've seen, so that is what I went with. Anywhoo...I'm thrilled that we are officially out of the "danger zone" that is the first trimester, and we are now allowing ourselves to get fully excited. Well, to be honest, I was pretty fully excited, but I kept trying to remind myself that I should remain a bit reserved until the second trimester mark.

Now starts the "fun" part of pregnancy, or so I read. Supposedly the second trimester is the easiest and the most comfortable. I haven't had any real morning sickness, so I think I'm probably in the lucky bunch that made it through the first trimester happy and comfortable, so this will likely be more of the same for me. I will say, the one thing I'm hoping the second trimester brings is a balance in my hormones, in the hopes of clearing up some of this raging acne I'm experiencing. It has steadily gotten worst over the last 7 weeks or so, and is full blown now. It's a bizarre really - a ton of acne all over my jawline and cheeks. And the worst part is that it itches and burns at times. I'm hopeful that my body will begin to stabilize and my face will steadily clear throughout this trimester, but I'm not holding my breath - my new "friends" may be here to stay until after little peanut is out of my belly. If I can push my vanity aside, we will post pictures of it - and considering Ronnie keeps saying "MAN WE NEED TO TAKE PICTURES OF THIS", my guess is that pictures will be up at some point soon.

Back to the awesome parts of this pregnancy. I am starting to get a little more of a belly (pictures will be posted in the next few weeks, once there's more growth). I'm excited to start showing. Right now it's just big enough to look like I could be pregnant, but not quite big enough that anyone would be confident enough to ask when I was due. Now I'm just counting down the weeks until I have a legit belly, and REALLY eagerly awaiting the day that I can feel our little peanut moving. In the meantime, I'll wonder if every tummy rumble and gas bubble (is that TMI?) is the first little feelings of peanut moving.

And on a totally different note, I feel the need to at least mention the major headline of yesterday. Ronnie and I watched the breaking news of Bin Ladin's death most of the evening last night. Now let me first say, I am not into politics - so I won't get political on you all today. But I will say a few things. First, I think it's great that after 10 years, we finally found him. I am especially thrilled that this day has come for the families affected by 9/11 and for the all the troops that have worked towards this moment. Second, I was pretty impressed by Obama's address. Whoever wrote that address did a really good job. I can't imagine the pressure of having to write something like that in just a few hours time. The thing I liked best about it, is that I think it was very mindful and geared toward an international audience. Anywhoo, I'm no political analyst, just felt like I should at least acknowledge the big current event!

**BE SURE TO WATCH HAWAII FIVE-O TONIGHT ON CBS. THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT SURFING, SALT WATER, AND CYSTIC FIBROSIS. WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR OUR FRIENDS AT THE MAULI OLA FOUNDATION AND AMBRY GENETICS FOR GETTING CF TO BE WORKED INTO THE SHOW. GREAT AWARENESS!!!

Our Week 13 Ultrasound!!

S/he really put on a show this week. Best part of the video is when s/he scratches his/her knee :)

Week 12 Ultrasound

We had our 12 week ultrasound yesterday and just like every ultrasound before, it's a bit tense until you see the little heart beating. Fortunately this time we saw the heartbeat right away and even got to check out our baby's brain, spine, kidneys, etc. It still amazes me that a little human no different than me, just a bit smaller, is growing inside of my wife. Enjoy the video - it's truly amazing.

Thankful Thursday - Energy & Motivation

Know what time it is? It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. as I mentioned, I no longer have the "linkytools" but I invite you to share your thankful blog in the comments section. Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful that we get to see peanut today. We are at week 12, so peanut should really be looking like a human these days and I'm really hopeful that he'll be moving all over the place. Plus, Ronnie wasn't as the last ultrasound, so I'm thankful that he'll be there and that he'll get to see our little peanut first hand, instead of through a video I made for him! I am so thankful that there's the technology to see my little baby while still in my belly.

I'm thankful that I have the energy to get up and walk every morning and to get a workout in in the afternoon. There are several days when the afternoon workout is dreadful, but I'm very thankful that I've had the energy and motivation to get to the gym. I find that working out helps me feel better about the climbing numbers on the scale.

I'm thankful that we got to spend time with Josh and Chrissy Tuesday night. We haven't had the chance to get together for the last few weeks since we've been traveling and they've been traveling, but Tuesday evening we went to their house for burgers and hot dogs and got to bond over some quality Wii sports competition. I always love time with them and am so blessed to have such a wonderful brother and sister-in-law!

I'm thankful for my husband's ability to make me feel loved, wanted, appreciated, and sexy. I'll be honest - gaining weight, getting a belly with no "baby belly", acne, bring super bloated etc etc have a way of making a girl feel a bit insecure. But my honey has been working overtime to compliment, encourage, and build me up. I am so blessed to have him!!! I'm just so thankful to have him in my life, and I'm so thankful that peanut will have such an incredible man as his/her daddy!

Ronnie's List:

I'm so thankful that Mandi and I have stayed motivated to workout. We've both had energy towards the end of the day to make it to the gym about 99% of the time that we're in town. Like I mentioned in yesterday's blog, it's certainly easier to stay motivated when you have a fine woman willing to work out next to you...and it's cool that Mandi is there too! (Like that one babe?)

I'm very thankful that my foot seems to be getting better. I was able to go on quite a few long walks while I was out of town, but I still am not to the point to where I'm ready to run. I really hope this progress continues because I get more and more jealous of the people on the treadmill every day that I see them.

I'm thankful that we get to celebrate Easter this weekend with the family. Mandi and I love hanging with any family that we can get and this weekend it happens to be the Tucson Crew. One of the things we're most excited about is being able to bring desert. We always try to come up with something creative and are still looking for some kick booty recipes. You guys have any suggestions?

So, what are you thankful for today?

11 Week Ultrasound

Just recently we went in for our 11 week ultrasound. I don't think Peanut was too happy that we were disturbing him/her and it took some "encouragement" to get him/her moving! Make sure you watch around the 6 min mark to really see some action in the womb :)

Slacker Monday?

Please excuse the interruption to the regularly scheduled blogging. Today, instead of it being a legit Mandi Monday Blog, I give you a Slacker Mandi Monday Blog.

We had a great weekend in Syracuse, NY and we drove to Cromwell, CT to spend my great aunt's 90th birthday. We are spending today, Monday, with my parents (who also flew here to be here for the festivities), therefore, I spent yesterday and today NOT doing a real blog. However, we will fill you in on all the fun when we're home :)

Just a quick update, our little peanut is still doing well and we will get to see it on Wednesday during an ultrasound - needless to say, I can't wait. I want to see my little munchkin kicking and wiggling all over the place. Plus, I'm pretty sure it must really look like a human now. Still no real belly, but we'll post shots soon.

Sorry for being a slacker, but I assure you that I will not keep it up :)

Tuesday's Tidbits: 18% & Taxes

We just got back from doing our taxes, my brain is a bit fried so I won't be launching into any long and thoughtful blog today. There are a few things however I can rant about and also a few updates for ya.

Getting back to taxes, seriously, what is with those things? I won't turn this into some big political debate, but taxes are something that I don't think I'll ever fully endorse. It's not because of the money or because of the huge brain freeze that it gives me, it's because I just can't trust a system that not one single person on earth truly understands. We had the sweetest lady helping us out this year with our taxes and although she was very knowledgeable, there were still plenty of things she was a little unsure about. I mean take one look at the tax code and you'll see why there isn't anybody on this planet that can ever claim to be an “expert”.

My foot is getting better but I'm still not to the point that I trust myself to run on it. For those of you that don't know, I injured my foot last week during a long run in which I've never fully recovered. I've been trying to take it easy and stay off of it best that I can and avoid any exercises that pounds on my foot. I'm doing the exercise bike a lot and have managed to get a couple good walks him. I'm really hoping that it continues to get better because I haven't been able to run for over a week and it is starting to get annoying.

I can't think of many things that I've enjoyed hearing more than my little peanut's heartbeat. We're fortunate that we've been able to see his/her heart beating almost every week now, but we've never been able to actually hear it. Well yesterday we had our first belly ultrasound and I was able to listen in on the music that the little peanut is creating. I wish you guys could of seen my face (this will be impossible however because they don't allow videotaping), but I can assure you that I had a smile from ear-to-ear.

I've been keeping up with gardening so far and I've got to tell you every time I go in the Home Depot I never walk out empty-handed. I must have some type of spray for just about any problem that could ever present itself in my "luscious" garden. I don't read too often, but I even picked up a book solely about gardening in the deserts of the Southwest. It's called "Extreme Gardening" and so far I've been able to pick up a couple of tips that I've actually put into practice.

I really feel for Butler University. I mean I was really sad when U of A lost to Connecticut last week, but I took comfort in the fact that the Cats overachieved and were really playing with house money. I also gave up the excuse that we picked a bad night to have our worst shooting performance of the year. I'm now convinced that it wasn't us playing bad offense, but it was Connecticut playing solid defense. They absolutely smothered Butler tonight with their stingy defense and forced Butler to shoot a season-low 18% from the field (which by the way as I understand it is the second worst shooting performance in the history of the tournament). So congratulations Connecticut, you guys deserve it and I promise to get rid of my Jim Colhoun voodoo doll.

Well, that's all I've got tonight. Have to hop on a treatment and go nighty night!

First Friday: It's a Human...

...and it MOVES!!

Yesterday's ultrasound was by far the coolest yet. Our little peanut has graduated from looking like a seahorse, to looking like a real, live baby! We could instantly see little arm and leg buds and peanut actually has a visible head - in fact, a head that made up about 1/2 of the body (which we're told is normal, but scares me to death for the labor! If peanut has Ronnie's head, it could be very interesting!) Also very cool was the fact that this time you could see the umbilical cord, and watch the blood flow through it. It's little heart was beating even faster now - at about 178 beats a minute. The beating almost appeared in tandem with the blood flow through the umbilical cord.

And while all of that was so incredible to see, the most amazing part was that our baby was MOVING!! Yup, at just 9 weeks and 2 days, peanut was moving. We watched in amazement as it's whole body would wiggle, and as the little arms and legs would punch and kick. We're attaching a video, so you can see the wonder that is a tiny baby moving. You'll have to watch VERY closely though, because the movement isn't noticeable if you blink or aren't focused.

All in all, it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life - I think even more exciting than seeing the heartbeat for the first time. Something about peanut actually looking like a baby AND moving made it all so real.

Graduating to an OBGYN

Yup, graduating. At least that's what it felt like when I walked into my OBGYN's office yesterday morning. I had a strange sense of pride as I filled out my forms. I somehow felt like I now had a "normal" pregnancy. I now was at an appointment that everyone goes to. It felt good. It felt like we had crossed a certain threshold; like we made it to a certain point; like we were graduating onto "pregnancy" and not "trying to get pregnant." Unfortunately this graduation isn't as cut and dry as high school to college or college to the work force. We still have a little bit of overlap, as our fertility doc wants to see us another few weeks, but it feels good to be starting the transition.

Yesterday's appointment was just a meet and greet. I am going to a new OBGYN, so I had to fill out some new patient paperwork and then just sat down and chatted with a PA. She was oober nice. She felt like my BFF (yes, I did just use "BFF) and even hugged me as she headed out of the office. We'll be headed back next Monday for our first ultrasound with them, and then they'll see us every four until it's gets closer to D day.

Yesterday was also my LAST DAY OF PROGESTERONE INJECTIONS! If you can't tell, I'm flippin' excited - and so is my incredibly bruised, sore bum. I am thrilled that I am done with the shots, but a little nervous too. You stop the injections when your body takes over. And I'm just hoping my body will take over as it should. There's absolutely no reason it shouldn't, wouldn't and couldn't, but a worrier will still worry :) Supposedly I will feel way better once I'm off the Progesterone. They told me at my appointment yesterday that it makes you more tired, more bloated, and more "down". The only catch is that the Progesterone can keep morning sickness at bay (I learned for the first time yesterday). So I could be in for a little reality check in the next week or so. Only time will tell!

Thursday we head to see our fertility docs for another ultrasound. Again just totally routine and more for our enjoyment than their need. I cannot wait to see little peanut's heartbeat and what it's looking like this week. Hopefully less like a sea creature and more like a human! This week, according to babycenter.com, our baby is the size of a grape. It has arms and legs, even earlobes - I wonder if its earlobes will be as soft as its Daddy's?

That's it! We'll post pictures of my belly next week, and ultrasound pictures on Friday. Any guesses what it will look like this week? Maybe a Platypus?