That's the way...

...uh-huh uh-huh I like it. Oh wait, I meant to say "the cookie crumbles". My go around this time in the Hole has been a bit different for me. When I come into this place, I can usually count on slowly getting better (PFT wise) week by week until I'm all ready to go. After my disappointing results this week, it's evident that this will not be my typical stay. So far, I've taken PFTs three times while I have been in, and so far, the results have been almost identical. 58-60-58. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I know what's going on, but honestly, I'm kind of at a loss.

I've worked at reminding myself (as has Mandi) that I've been here before and not every stay in the Hole is the same. I think one of the problems is that my last couple of trips here have been short compared to my usual stays in the Hole. My last few stays I have averaged between 14-21 days whereas compared to the usual 30 that I was coming in at a time for the previous 5 years. Like I said, Mandi has done a great job keeping me grounded and focused on why I'm here: To feel better and do whatever it takes. Speaking of whatever it takes...We're going to try a prednisone burst for the next handful of days to see if it helps with the tightness that I'm feeling.

I hate that stuff. I'm seriously a different guy when I'm on it. I normally have one mood, and that's even-keeled, but when I'm on steroids; Watch out!!!! No, it's not that bad, but I have been know to have a not so long of a fuse. I'm just hoping that this time while be different and that I'm able to control my attitude when people are in my room :) I'm also hoping that it is the key in opening my lungs up and allowing me to take deep breaths. When I get to the point where I can actually feel a deep breath, I'm positive that the rest will take care of itself. Just keep me in mind over these next few days...and you might want to be thinking of Mandi as well :)

PMS: Prednisone Mood Swings

I had a first this last week. It was the first week I ever dated myself while on my period. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??" you ask? Let me explain...

As many of you know, Ronnie decided to do a burst of Prednisone to get rid of some of the inflammation in his lungs. AND, as many of you know, Prednisone makes people irritable. Well I found out this week that apparently Ronnie is no different than the average bear when it comes to how Prednisone effects him. He is on edge, a little snappy with me, and nothing is wrong, per-say, but nothing is quite right. It is SO foreign to me to experience him like that. If you know Ronnie, even in the slightest, you know it is HARD to get a rise out of him. I can TRY to and still can't. But since he started Prednisone, it is all too easy. Yesterday, I'd had my fill. I was frustrated that he was not being his typical self. I was annoyed that he wasn't quite as loving towards me as usual. I was sad that he seemed a little agitated with me.

And then it hit me...this must be what it's like dating me once a month. Talk about a wake up call. It made me rethink my frustration with his sudden attitude change. I actually began to feel a little guilty. I began to think, "well shoot, if he can put up with this 12 times a year, I can put up with it a few times a year."

For those of you who have never been on Prednisone and want a little more details about it's side effects, I here is a link from webMD of all the side effects. And below I've listed some that Ronnie seems to be experiencing (from my perspective):

• Increased Hunger
• Visible Water Retention
• Mood Changes
• Temporary Redness of Face and Neck
• Not Feeling Well

Needless to say, I'm excited for his burst of Prednisone to be over, but I'm glad I got a little insight into what it must be like to date me once a month and I hope I remember this down the road, to be sure to curb my own PMS. I must say though, he is REALLY trying. I can tell he is making an extra effort to keep his agitation inside and that he's going out of his way to love on me when he catches himself getting snappy. And that makes me feel a lot better. Regardless though, I'll be happy when Prednisone gives me my fiance back!!!