Some Feathers May Get Ruffled

Ever so often, I'll write a blog on here that will ruffle the feathers of some in the CF community. It's rarely, if ever, intentional, and my intent is never to upset my readers or make them feel bad. It's something that goes along with the territory I guess. I think an ex-preseident of ours said it best: 

“You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” - Abraham Lincoln

Another thing that goes along with the territory is negative responses from some of my readers. These include, but are not limited to - personal attacks, attacks on my family, unfounded accusations and attacks on my faith. 

Fortunately, the positive reactions outnumber the negatives ones about 100 to 1. I always keep that in mind when someone decides to take it upon themselves to try and "hurt me" because I "hurt them". 

I'll tell you what the best medicine is though, it's getting responses like the one below to my blog yesterday:

Mama: Hi Ronnie, I just want you to know we are so grateful for you and how encouraging you are! [Son's name] is doing his treatment that he does not want to be doing and read your post about how you did not do your treatment like you should of and he said, "Man, mom, Ronnie is so encouraging!!!". Thank you sooooooo much ! 

Me: I'm so glad that he can find encouragement from some of my posts. My hearts desire is that others, the next generation, learn from my mistakes and don't make the same choices that I did. If I can change someone's life as a result of my stupidity, I'm glad to do it. Thank you for sharing that with me. Made my day!!! 

Mama: Are you kidding, you just helped me stop nagging, I get tired of hearing myself, too.

That's EXACTLY why I do what I do. I've been very upfront about all of the bad choices I've made. I talked about the different tricks that CF can play that I fell for hook-line-and-sinker. I write because I hope that people like the Mama above and her son are reading. I hope that something I say can help them make better decisions than I did growing up. Simply, I hope that the next generation treats themselves much better than I did.

I'm often reminded by this quote of a fellow cyster in the community that I think put it best:

"I wanna help as many CF'ers as possible. It's therapeutic to think my failure could be someones success." - Michelle Matta

I love it. After hearing that, I just knew that she had to write a guest post on RSBR, which she did, here. I reminded her however that failure only happens when we give up and it's an outcome of deciding not to try. Both failure and success comes in many forms and is different for each person involved. Fortunately, I've rarely seen anyone in the CF community flat out fail!

Lastly, I'd just like to thank all of you who send kind notes, emails and encouraging comments. You keep me going. I'll continue to write as along as there are people out there who will read, and hopefully, leave this blog feeling encouraged, motivated and/or inspired. 

I've come to realize this -  The feathers of my generation may get ruffled while I encourage the next generation to fly higher and straighter at any cost.

Somehow I Stumbled Upon Her

I was so inspired by Mandi's blog yesterday, that I decided to write a response to her blog...sort of. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons that I think CF is a blessing or the reasons that I don't hate Cystic Fibrosis (since Mandi nailed it), but I am going to heap praise on my wife. My one and only.

I am blessed.

There's no doubt about it, I am one blessed man. From the loving family I was born into, to the loving family I am now leading, I am blessed beyond measure. I often think that it's time to pinch myself, but there is no way that I want to wake up from this dream if that is in fact what is going on. I mean, I sometimes feel guilty. I catch myself saying "What did I do to deserve all of this?". I cannot think of a single reason as to why God would choose to bestow such blessings upon me.

That however, is the good news - it has nothing to do with me. God has blessed me richly because that's His perfect plan. His perfect plan could also have my own little world come crashing down tomorrow. Nobody knows what the future holds but Him. I take comfort in the fact that come feast or famine, it's all part of God's perfect plan.

God created Mandi with me in mind.

There aren't many women out there who could fall in love with a guy like me. My faults are many and my good qualities are few. Add on top of it the very different life that I live, and I'm not exactly what most people would consider a catch. Yet, in spite of all of my downfalls, I stumbled upon a woman who loves every character trait, quirk, struggle, fault, and cell in my being...even the jacked up CF one.

It doesn't stop there. She not only loves everything about me, but she'll even credit my jacked up CF cells with crafting me into the man she fell in love with. As she has put it before; "In a weird way, I'm actually very thankful for your CF". There are not many women out there who have ever breathed those words. Yet, in His perfect plan, I decide to go to the movie June 27th, 2008.

I saw a movie that night with my future wife, the woman God hand-selected for me, and I didn't even know it. I was too busy watching some stupid movie to realize it was the beginning of my very own fairytale.

Mandi's doesn't hate CF + I am CF = Mandi doesn't hate me.

I really feel for the people out there who hate CF. I really, really feel for the kids out there who's parents vocalize how much they hate CF. You know what that says to some kids? That you hate them.

I accepted at a very young age that CF was a part of my life and it wasn't going away. CF was woven into the fabric of my being and in some respect, was just simply who I was. So, if I accepted that, but then was told by my parents that they "hated CF", how could one not see that as hating something about you that is never going away? See how that can work?

Thankfully, Mandi has expressed from very early on in our relationship, that there is nothing she would change about me - not even CF. She doesn't hate it. She loves what it's done for me. She loves what it's done for us. She loves what it will do for our family.

Wanting something to be gone and hating that something are worlds apart where I'm from. I want CF to be gone, but I will never, ever hate it.

The end.

Thankful Friday?

Since we didn't post a Thankful Thursday blog yesterday I wanted to make sure to get one up today. It actually felt kind of weird not putting one up with all that we have to be thankful for. I invite you to share what your thankful for in the comment section below or leave a link to your Thankful Thursday post!

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful that we got to see our little peanut this week, and that it's healthy, with a heart beat and growing to at the right pace. It's crazy how much you can love and appreciate something only 9mm long!!

I'm thankful Ronnie got out of the hospital and is feeling good. His PFTs aren't quite where we want them, but now it's just a matter of getting to work. I'm SO thankful we've gotten out and gotten right into our workout and healthy eating routine. It'll get his PFTs up and hopefully keep my weight down ;-)

I'm thankful that my only real "craving" lately is oranges. It could be much worse - with a sweet tooth like mine, who knows how much ice cream and snickers I could down (mmm caramel), but oranges I can handle! Who knows if it's a true pregnancy craving, but man, oranges have never tasted so good.

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful to be out of the Hole. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the Hole for what it does for me and my lungs, but I'm never sad when it comes to saying goodbye. Sure we bring our own blankets, pillows, towels, microwave and coffee pot, but it can never feel just like home, a home that I happen to love.

I'm thankful for the great news from our first ultrasound! We were told that the little peanut is right on track in development and, although it's early, everything seems to be on the up and up. It's always a bit nerve wracking heading into those things and the fact that we left with nothing but positive news is something to be very thankful for.

I'm thankful for March. March is a time for many things that I love. Awesome weather. March Madness. Grandma's birthday. Mark's birthday. Wildcat basketball. And I'm sure a host of other things that just isn't coming to mind right now. I have long held that belief that March is my favorite month ever and I'm happy to report that that belief still stands.

So the question is, what are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday - Martha Stewart on Steroids

We can't stress enough how important it is in our own lives to slow down when things seem to be getting "fast" and just think about the little things that we're thankful for. Many of you expressed a similar sentiment last week as 6 people joined forces with us and blogged about their own thankfulness. I have a little "Linky Tools" at the end of this post that you can use to join the party and link up your thankfulness post! Feel free to spread this around to anyone you know that may like to participate.

Mandi's List:

I’m thankful for a wonderful week (last week) with both my parents, brother and sister-in-law, and Ronnie in Whistler, Canada. We had such a wonderful time all together. We ended up skiing more than I thought we would (which ended up being fun) and dinners and breakfast in town were a blast. My favorite part was just relaxing by the fire between skiing and dinner. I was bummed, that my dad had to get back to work, so he headed back to Shanghai Monday morning. Not gonna lie, I shed a few tears...like a big baby!

I’m thankful that all of my diagnostic tests (for IVF) this week turned out well. Not only were the results good, but the tests weren’t all that bad. We did have one little scare, but it all ended up ok. I’ll write a long post about all the tests Monday, so stay tuned.

I’m thankful that my mom is a VERY talented woman. She was nice enough to offer to sew curtains for me and Chrissy (sister-in-law). And man is she good at this kind of stuff. She has a good eye for fabrics, she knows how to measure and calculate how much she’ll need (factoring in the repeat (new lingo I picked up...apparently that’s what you call the reoccurrence of the pattern in a fabric, and you have to factor it in when you’re making curtains), she’s great at knowing what kinds of curtains will look best in a space, AND she can actually produce the vision we’re going for. It’s really incredible actually. She’s like Martha Stewart on steroids! I’ll post pictures when we get all the curtains made.

I’m thankful that we’ve been able to get back into the swing of things after the holidays. God’s given us a renewed vigor for work, exercise and eating right. Oddly, I’m actually excited about the increased working out and eating better (I’m a former - from 0-18 years old - couch potato who loved me some junk food)!

I’m thankful to be starting a new year with my best friend!!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful that I was able to spend so much time with family during the holiday season. When getting married, you don't quite know how the ol' "split holidays" are going to happen, but fortunately, we were able to work it out again this year :) We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Mandi's family and then Christmas afternoon with mine. It worked out well and we're just so blessed to have two families that love up on us.

I'm thankful that so far, Mandi is normal. Let me rephrase that as those of you who know Mandi know that is a bold face lie; When it comes to reproduction, Mandi is normal thus far. We've had a battery of tests this week (which I believe Mandi will catch you up on on Monday) and so far, so good. It's looking like God made Mandi with a proper baby maker and we're just praying that things continue to check out.

I'm thankful that I got to ski for the first time and that I didn't kill someone. If you read the blog from a couple of days ago, you'll know that it wasn't the easiest thing I've done, but I'm glad that I finally got the hang of it. I just hate failing. Now, don't get me wrong, I fail all of the time by standard definition, but true failure to me is not lacing up the shoes and trying again. I was bound and determined to ski down that stupid mountain, and by the third day, that's exactly what I did :)

Thankful Thursday is Back!

On Sunday, our pastor gave a GREAT sermon on thankfulness (it's not available via podcast yet, but when it is, I'll post it). Now let me tell you, I love our church. And most Sundays I walk away with more knowledge and a little something rolling around in my mind. But this Sunday was different. For some reason, this sermon really struck a cord. The gist of the sermon was this: Thanksgiving is a time of year to be thankful for what we have, but a lot of Thanksgiving is now spent talking about what more we can get the next day (Black Friday).

It's funny because I probably hear these same sentiments each year around this time, "what are you thankful for?" People often ask around the Thanksgiving table. But this Sunday, it really resonated with me. I walked out of the service feeling as if I needed to make a change. Ronnie's very good at being thankful. I can't tell you how many times a week he'll stop and say, "Man, we're blessed aren't we?" And I always agree. But rarely do I sit back on my own and really think about how much I have and how thankful I am for what we've been blessed with. It's so easy in a new house to think, "ok, now we just need to get x, y, and z to make it complete." Or with all the upcoming baby makin' stuff, I all too quickly I allow my mind to think, "why does it have to be so difficult to have kids?" Instead, I should be thinking, "Wow, how blessed are we that we own our own home?" or "How incredible that people who are infertile can now have children. We are so blessed to have great options." And those are just a few options. How many more basic things do we take for granted? Like not fretting over gas money; access to good doctors; a fridge full of food; a cupboard full of meds that we only paid co pays for; two working legs to run; I could go on forever.

Therefore, Thankful Thursday is back! For the next several months, I want to take the time to really appreciate all that we have been given. So each Thursday Ronnie and I are going to write about what we're thankful for. Some weeks it may be silly little things like, "this week I'm really thankful for a dishwasher, because man I hate washing dishes", while other weeks may be bigger items. I just want to make the conscious effort to rework my brain and my thoughts. Truthfully, to make my attitude a little more like my husbands' and A LOT more like it should be. One tip our pastor suggested in his sermon was to set aside 5 minutes a day and write out what you're thankful for. So I'm going to try this for the month of December. Anyone want to join me?! If so, leave a comment to say you're in and what you're thankful for this week. If we get enough people that want to participate, we'll set up a blog hop!

I'll leave you with what I'm thankful for this week:

1. A helpful husband - call it newly wedded bliss or just one helpful husband, but Ronnie does A LOT around the house...probably more than I do. He hung 2500 christmas lights (yes, 25 boxes!) all on his own, installed lights in the house, and cleaned this weekend.
2. A roof over my head - this one may sound a little silly (because it's so basic), but with it getting cold outside, I am so thankful that I have a place to go to get out of the cold. I can't make it 5 minutes outside without freezing these days (and we live in Arizona!)
3. Hot chocolate - Can you tell it's getting cold out? After a FREEZING run, I like nothing more than to hold a toasty mug of hot chocolate in my hands.
4. Other CF spouses - This week, I've emailed back and forth with another CF wife. I can't tell you how awesome it is to talk with someone who's been there and done that. It's nice to know that there are people there to answer questions and learn from, when needed!

So that's it for today. Hopefully next week I'll have a better list after taking 5 minutes a day of reflection. Who wants to join me this month?!

50% is not going to cut it

Out of all my goals that I set out to accomplish last week, I'd say my rate of success was about at 50%. That's simply not going to cut it. If my ultimate goal is to be the absolute healthiest I can possibly be, knocking out half of my mini-goals will have me falling short every time. Good thing is that I'm able to look back and see what I can adjust from last week to try and make sure it doesn't happen again, bad thing is I can still feel last week this week. So let's go through my goals and see how I did and why I came up short:

I refuse to miss any treatments. My middle day treatments always seem to get caught in the crossfire when things get busy. When this happens, I generally feel like dookie at the end of the day and my lungs get super tight. Even with that foreknowledge I'll still put off my middle treatments for some reason. Doesn't make sense. This week, I can't afford to do that. I need to stay on my game by staying on top of my treatments.

I'd say I was 3/7 (42%) on this one. I REALLY wanted to do all 4 treatments every single day (which did happen Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday), but I ended up only doing 2 Thursday, 3 Friday, 2 Saturday and 2 Sunday. I wish I could tell you that "life got in the way" but I can't put it all on that. I did have the opportunity to squeeze in another treatment each weekend day, but I decided to put other things first. I could have brought my vest and compressor down to Tucson on Thanksgiving day, but I chose not to. Excuses 1, Ronnie 0.

I will go for a run everyday. My runs have been going well for quite some time now and I refuse to let this crazy week derail the train. Lately I've been running every other day to let my legs rest, but have been going on long walks or bike rides on my "off" days. This week, I want to run every single day. I want to run every single day to make sure my body knows who is in charge and even though he's not going to feel like lacing up his shoes and hitting the road, he's GOING TO DO IT!!

You'll see a reoccurring theme happening here. First three days of the week were good, last 4, not so good. I did not run at all after Thanksgiving until today. I still got in some bike rides and my morning walks, but that wasn't my goal. My goal was to run and that I did not do consistently. I can feel it this week as my mucus is thicker, darker and generally harder to get up and out. Excuses 2, Ronnie 0.

I will not forget to remember all that I am thankful for. This shouldn't be too difficult to stick to as Mandi and I have made this part of our daily lives, but out of any week of the year, I want to make sure this isn't the one I forget to be thankful. If I started listing everything I had to be thankful, we'd be here until next year, but I definitely want to be more vocal about it his week. I want to make sure the people in my life know how thankful I am for them.

I'd have to say that I nailed this one. I don't think a day goes by that I don't voice how thankful I am for my wife, family, friends and life. I was able to reflect even more on that this holiday weekend, but in general, I'm a very thankful guy. Excuses 2, Ronnie 1.

I will not overeat on Thanksgiving Day. Now, I don't want you thinking that I'm watching my weight (although I probably should be); Thanksgiving Day and I have some history. I had my first ever full intestinal blockage in 2003 on Thanksgiving Day and it was not pretty. I won't go into details right now, but I'll try to write about it this week. Long story short, know when to say when when it comes to turkey.

I'm proud to report that I did not overeat. I had seconds, but they were a small seconds. I even managed to throw away some dessert after I started feeling full. With my history of stomach blockages on Thanksgiving, overeating is not something I can afford to do. Excuses 2, Ronnie 2.

They say a tie is like kissing your sister, but I'd rather that than be shut out 4 to nothing versus Mr. Excuses. It looks like I'll have something to work on for this next holiday week coming up shortly. I can only hope that I do better.

I'm so thankful...

I'm so thankful for the time I just spent babysitting my little cousins.

I'm so thankful that my runs have gone better than expected this week.

I'm so thankful to have a wife I can't get enough of.

I'm so thankful that I can get back to church.

I'm so thankful that I have family in the neighborhood now.

I'm so thankful that the "cool air" is starting to find it's way into AZ.

I'm so thankful that Mandi surprised me with a mowed lawn when I got out of the Hole.

I'm so thankful that I have little brothers who love me.

I'm so thankful that I only coughed up blood once this week.

I'm so thankful for new medications.

I'm so thankful for job opportunities.

I'm so thankful for friends who value my opinion.

I'm so thankful for second chances.

I'm so thankful for my neighbor.

I'm so thankful an upcoming trip.

I'm so thankful my God.

I'm so thankful for all of our many blessings.

I'm so thankful that I have a blog in which to share what I'm thankful for.

I'm so thankful...

What are you thankful for today?

Hospital Survival Kit

Thank you to all who read RSBR

I just wanted to thank each and every one of you guys who take time out of your day to read the stuff put up here on RSBR. It really means a lot to me and the fact that some of you would actually take the time to comment means a lot too. When I started this blog, I just wanted to use it as a place to hold myself accountable in my new journey to run a mile. After awhile, it was apparent that I was going to have many of you holding me accountable as well. It was perfect. You guys are a big reason for my turnaround in health and for that I am grateful. I get so many encouraging comments on here, facebook (which, if we aren't friends, friend me!!) and CysticLife (which, if you are not a member, join!!!) that truly motivate me to know end.

I need you guys to know that this isn't a one-way street. I get many messages saying that I inspire and encourage, but I get so much of that it return that I would be crazy to stop doing what I'm doing. As you saw by yesterday's blog, I enjoy answering questions from the community. If you were to have a question at any time, please don't hesitate to email at ronnie@cysticlife.org. I look forward to what the future holds and I'm truly thankful for each and everyone of you.

Until tomorrow,

Ronnie

Home Depot Brings Out the Moron In Me

As this week comes to an end, I can only say one thing...I'm tired. It's been crazy since getting out of the Hole and things around here have been non-stop. The good news is that I have not let it stand in the way of treatments whatsoever, the bad news, I need to get my running shoes on!! I haven't missed a morning walk yet, but when my lungs are this healthy, just a morning walk doesn't cut it. Now, I haven't been totally lazy physically, but it could certainly be a lot better. It's going to take a TON of discipline these next few weeks to get back into my running schedule. If I'm not working, I'm working on the house and if I'm not working on the house, I'm shopping for it. I welcome you guys to call me out on running like you have so many times before; I need it!!

I didn't post a Thankful Thursday yesterday cause I wanted to make sure that you all had the Tylenol recall info as it relates to the CF community. That certainly doesn't mean however that I don't have things to be thankful for. I could literally write daily in a blog that had nothing to do with anything but thankfulness. I'm of course thankful for the new digs, but that leads me to what I was SUPER thankful for a couple of days ago. Home Depot workers.

Am I the only person who feels like an absolute moron when setting foot into Home Depot? They have hundreds of aisles full of millions of things, yet I can only identify a hammer. And that's only if it's a classic looking hammer like the one that came with my Playskool tool kit. I feel so overwhelmed in that store it's crazy. Luckily, they have some of the nicest and most helpful folk around. When Mandi and I went in there a couple of days ago, we had a worker willing to go on a wild goose chase with us all around the store. Without him, we would have been totally hosed. So thank you random Home Depot worker. I don't remember your name, but I will never forget your willingness to help :)

So that's it for today. Remember, call me out and help me get back on the running trails. I need to get in tip top shape for this little event I have coming up :)