Thankful Thursday: Sorry Mommy and Jesus' Girl

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for "Sorry Mommy." Mckenna has started to frequently say, "sorry" on her own when she does something wrong. Even if I'm really annoyed or ticked that she did whatever she did, it's so hard to care after you hear that sweet little Minnie Mouse voice remorsefully say, "sorry mommy".

I'm thankful for mini chocolate chips in the freeze. I've eaten more of them in the last week than I'd like to admit. And I may or may not eat them with whipped cream. It's a wonder my clothes still fit.

I'm thankful for a cool morning. This morning I went out for a walk and it was actually a little chilly when I started. I'm hoping that means fall is just around the corner. I've really been enjoying my morning walks and runs lately.

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for Jesus' girl. Today as we were leaving the gym, Mandi asked Mckenna if she was a Daddy's girl? She said no. Mommy's girl? No. Papi's girl? No. Grandma's girl? No. Nana's girl? No. Grant's girl? No. Shmeeg's girl? Kirsten's girl? No. Josh's girl? No. Chissy's girl? No. Pa's girl? Nana D's girl? No. Finally, she looks up at Mandi and screams, "Jesus' girl!!".

I'm thankful for plants. We've been filling up our home with more and more houseplants and I'm digging the "vibe" I get from them. They just look so fresh, green and full of life. I also like the fact that we use plant picking as a Daddy Date for Mckenna and I. She loves pulling the shopping cart along and pointing at plants saying, "That one?!".

I'm thankful for a persuasive wife. Mandi is really good at getting me to do something that she knows is good for me, that I will be thankful that I did, but that I don't want to do. She's not pushy. She's not mean. She's just right. I don't know how she does it, but it's certainly not a skill I possess.

So, what are you thankful for today?

Top Ten Tuesday: Popping The Pills

Man, it's been quite some time since I've done a Top Ten Tuesday!

Recently, or to be more specific, just over a month ago, I started a new clinical trial. I'm not able to tell you which drug is being researched, but I would bet good money that you have heard of it. It requires me to take a few pills in the morning and a few pills at night. Other than some trips to see the research coordinator for PFTs, weight, height, blood work and EKGs, it's super easy peasy. I've never been involved with a clinical trial that just required swallowing some pills. Usually they have involved inhaling medications which of course is more time consuming.

Anyway, here are ten things that I've noticed while taking the drug, or placebo, over the past handful of weeks...

1. Almost immediately, I felt like I had a bit more energy for everyday activities.

2. I've been able to push harder with increased stamina during my 45 minute "throw-up" class at the gym.

3. I usually run on the treadmill at a max of 5.0. Recently, I've been pushing it to 6.5 or 7.

4. I was unusually nauseous the first week of the trial. It has subsided some, but still present most days.

5. Could be a figment of my imagination, but I seem to sweat more (maybe because I can work harder).

6. My cough has decreased.

7. My sputum production increased the first 2 weeks and has now decreased from my baseline.

8. My lungs feel clearer.

9. I don't know my PFT results, but it feels like I'm able to take a bigger breath and blast out with less obstruction.

10. I'm more excited for the future. I've always been excited, but this could change some things.

There you have it. I'm sure there are more both good and bad things that I've experienced, but I wrote down the first 10 to come to mind. Keep your fingers crossed that others are experiencing the same positive effects that I have while taking this drug or placebo. Because, even if it's placebo, I'm very, very thankful for the results.

Growing as a Mommy

I knew nothing. I came home from the hospital thinking I could ride on the coattails of my babysitting experience and quickly learned that I really knew nothing about being a mom. For a perfectionist, this was maybe one of the scariest realizations I've ever had. Since I didn't know what I was doing, I would likely screw up, and I didn't want to screw up my most important job. I became the googling queen. Anything Mckenna did was googled to make sure it didn't deviate too far from the norm. If it did, I googled solutions. It was overwhelming. As Mckenna got older I became more comfortable in my skin as a mom. I learned her and she learned me. But as she evolved into her own little person, I began to realize that the challenges of being a mom were not going to get easier, they were simply evolving; each stage bringing new challenges. I like a good challenge, so don't get me wrong, it is a bit energizing, but it also makes me fearful of failure.

We kicked off a new sermon series at church that couldn't have come at a better time. Mckenna is making her way into the "terrible twos" and I think we are going to need all the tools we can get our hands on with this little spark plug. I should back up and say that we have already found a "parenting style" that we like and have been using, so we haven't been going blind, but the series seems like it will be the perfect complement. We have been really drawn to the Love and Logic philosophies. We first heard about Love and Logic through a colleague and dear friend, Lisa C. Greene, the author of Parenting Children with Health Issues - a great book for CF parents. Lisa has two kids with CF. Love and Logic is a parenting method that really resonates with us. If you want more info about it, you can check it out HERE. I'll spare you from lengthy explanations, though, since I still haven't gotten to my point in this blog!

Anyways, everything that was in yesterday's sermon sounds eerily similar to Love and Logic principles, but the best part is, the sermon was based on how GOD parents us. I'm not sure why it didn't dawn on me to take this approach, and simply look into scripture to see how God parents his earthly children to learn how to be a parent, but it didn't, so I'm thankful for the series we started. I will share the three big principles that were covered because I thought they were really interesting and really resonated with me. You can take or leave them!

Insulating Vs Isolating - In other words, we should teach our kids how to protect themselves in bad surroundings, instead of removing all of the bad from their lives. I love this one. As a mommy I find it really easy to want to eliminate all struggle, pain and heartache from Mckenna's life. In some situations it takes everything in me not to remove her from certain situations. But as the pastor said yesterday, and as I know in my heart, I can't protect her from everything all the time, so instead, he suggested, I should teach her how to handle negative situations in littler, easier things, so when she faces bigger things on her own, she's ready.

Deep End Learning - For this concept the pastor gave an example of a kid who went through swimming lessons and at the end "only hung onto the side." The dad was mad and went to ask for a refund because he thought his kid didn't learn what he should. The teacher said, "he does know how to swim, he just doesn't want to." So when the dad got home, he took his kid in the backyard and threw him into the deep end of their pool. The kid swam out of the pool. But the remarkable thing was, the first thing he did was run into the house and exclaim to his mom, "I SWAM." The point was sometimes kids just need to be pushed (lovingly) to grow. Ronnie all the time says to me, "She'll figure it out" when I want to rush in to help or save Mckenna in the midst of something. But 10/10 times he's right, she figures it out.

Exposing But Not Overwhelming - This one seems like a fine line and one of those things that takes practice as a parent, but it's the concept that we should expose our kiddos to things, but at the appropriate times and in a way that isn't overwhelming. This one I know will take practice for me, but I'm hoping to get it down because I think it's a really important concept in the midst of the other two. Learning opportunities are crucial, but they need to come at an appropriate time and place so Mckenna can actually learn from the lesson.

Anyways, I dig it. I can't wait for next week. I checked our church's website and the video of the sermon isn't up yet, but you can watch for it HERE if you're interested.

Thankful Thursday: Music & Helplines

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for my mom. This week she celebrated her birthday, and I could not be more thankful for the years she's been on this earth and the years yet to come. My mom is one of the most incredible people you could have the opportunity to know. She is a better wife, mother and friend than anyone I've ever met. The love, commitment and sacrifices she has always made for my dad, brother and me are unmatched. As an adult, I am privileged to not only call her mom, but friend. As a mother now myself, I have grown to respect her that much more.

I'm thankful for the ability to run. Last weekend I was able to put a lot of miles on my legs while running at the shore. I feel so blessed to be able to go out for a run, and especially blessed to be able to run with the ocean breeze at my back. It was such a great place to run: good people watching and beautiful homes to look at.

I'm thankful for music. I have been downloading new songs lately and loving it. It is pretty incredible how certain songs can really speak to you. Not to mention, runs would be really terrible if I didn't have music to listen to...I mean, who wants to listen to themselves super out of breath?! It just makes me more tired.

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for helplines...and just wish I would cave-in and use them sooner. I've been battling my gas grill for quite some time now and had all but given up on trying to get it to light. I've replaced parts, had other look at it and thought I was finally at a dead end. I was resigned to the fact that I was going to have to have a professional come out and look at it. Well, when I called to hire a professional, they first had me talk with someone from their helpline who walked me through some steps after I described the problem. Wallah!!! It works like new.

I'm thankful for used clothes stores. Baby and kids clothes are relatively cheap. Used baby and kids clothes are even cheaper! Mckenna and I recently went on a "shopping spree" and picked up some new threads for Mckenna. You should have seen her giving me a fashion show in the store. She looked like she was walking down a runway. Yikes.

I'm thankful for new filters. It had been quite some time (as in never) since I had replaced the filters in my nebulizer compressor. I finally ordered new filters and holy moly, it's like I have my old machine back. 

So, what are you thankful for today?

Quicker than expected...

One thing that's been pretty consistent in my adolescent and adult life is the ability to make up ground quickly in my exercise health, but just as quickly lose it if I table it for a while.

While being on our east coast trip, I did very minimal exercise. Yeah, I walked around quite a bit and rode bikes often, but rarely did I push myself to the level that I'm used to at home. Mandi and I managed to do one, yes one, crossfit style workout in the 10 days we were away and I put on my running shoes exactly one time. (And of course there is always a reason - I experienced my first UTI EVER on this trip within the first 3 days of us being away and it lasted about 5 days. With that said, I still didn't maximize all of the days that I wasn't peeing fire.)

My run actually felt a lot better than I expected it to considering I haven't run for distance in over 3 months. I get so much cardio from the group classes that we do, and cough up so many lungs, that running isn't really necessary. Well, on my trip I was inspired by my crazy wife, who ended up running like 25 miles in three days, to actually lace up the ol' sneakers and go for a run. Not knowing how it would feel, I tried not to let my mind wander about the impending pain that was to come upon me.

To my surprise, it really wasn't all that bad. Granted, I tried to run down hill as much as I could, and I'm sure the ocean breeze helped with my "freshness", but even my lungs passed the test much better than I was expecting. I ended up running about 3 miles, and if I didn't feel pressed for time, I think I could have eeked out another mile or so.

Anyway, I'm happy that I got something done on my vacation other than eating ice cream for dinner and sitting around on the beach, even if it was just 2 workouts. I think those two workouts set me up quite nicely for my return to our classes this week as I don't think I lost as much ground as I usually do the other times that I've taken off of exercise. Sure, the workouts have been tough, but they've been manageable.

It feels good to be back, and I'm looking forward to where I can take my exercise health from here!!

Back to Reality

Ronnie, Mckenna and I were blessed to spend time with family and friends on the east coast last week. It's a trip we had been looking forward to for months. Usually once a year we go to South Carolina or the Jersey shore with some dear family friends, and this year, we were blessed to be able to not just go to the shore, but go to their son's wedding. Since we were going to be on the east coast, we decided what better use of time than to get to spend time with my Grandpa and head to the shore for a little vacation.

We hit up Lancaster, PA to see my Grandpa. Mckenna had never met my grandpa, her great grandpa, and what a sweet experience for both of them. Mckenna warmed up to her "Pa" very quickly and enjoyed every moment she spent with him. We rented a house to stay in (with my parents who were also there), so we brought my grandpa over each day to just hang out for the day. We all so enjoyed time together. My grandpa is the kind of man that light's up a room with his whit, stories and jokes. Anyone who interacts with him even just for a moment leaves feeling happy. It's an incredible character trait I would love to learn from.

After Lancaster we headed to Wilmington, DE for the day for the wedding. It was a great wedding. The happy couple planned an incredible day, one that I'm sure they'll look back on fondly, forever. It was a kid-free wedding, so Ronnie hung with Mckenna and found all sorts of adventures, while I went to the wedding. Their daddy date was complete with a figure skating competition they stumbled upon, ice cream for dinner, and snuggling in bed because for some reason Mckenna was less than excited about sleeping in her pack n play in the bathroom...gee I can't imagine why!

After the wedding we headed to Avalon for a little relaxation and even got to tag on a trip to Rohobeth to meet some new friends (well new to us...they were friends of my parents' and family friends). We had such an incredible time and are so blessed to have gotten to spend the day with them. At the shore Mckenna got to spend time on the beach, go for tons of walks and enjoy massive amounts of ice cream. She dug it...and so did her momma.

We were all sad to see the trip come to the end. We had such an incredible time with family and old and new friends. But we got out of there before we got too spoiled, and we are excited to settle back into the normal daily grind...I may just day dream about the trip for 50% of the day the next few days.

Thankful Thursday: Ice Cream & Cloud Cover

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for time with family and family friends. We have been able to spend A LOT of time with my family and some great family friends this week. We all have such a great time together and I am blessed to get to spend time in their presence.

I'm thankful for rain. We are on the east coast and have actually gotten to see some rain while here. It is freakin' awesome to see rain. I miss it in AZ.

I'm thankful for ice cream. On this vacation I have had ice cream almost every night. Who wouldn't be thankful for that?!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for banana splits. I haven't had one for a very, very long time but for some reason have been craving one lately. Last night I capitalized on my desire meeting the perfect location to order such a tasty treat. It was incredible!! (Ice creams: Chocolate Marshmallow, Banana Fosters, Kohler's Creme Doughnuts. Toppings: Hot fudge, Oreo cookies, Peanut butter cups, whipped cream, cherries)

I'm thankful for a responsive CF team. I came down with a little UTI and slight exacerbation/cold while out east that required some intervention. I had a response from my doctor within minutes of sending him a message. He called a script in for me and I picked it up within the hour. Feeling much better now!

I'm thankful for cloud cover on the beach. I'm not one to sit in the sun all day, but I do like being on the beach. So for me, sitting on the beach during a cloud covered day is just about as good as it gets!

So, what are you thankful for today?

I'm Fighting For...

**Reposted from August 2010**

Quite often, I'm very fortunate to be asked questions by you guys that really make me think and evaluate where I stand on a particular subject. The following exchange that I had with a super awesome cyster and fellow CysticLife member was no different. We've had some tough goings lately in our little community and everyone has the right to, and does, react differently. Thank you for challenging me on this topic and really making me think about where I stand.

Message: Hi Ronnie, It's been a while since I have been keeping up with cystic life. Some of the reason is because I am busier now with Colton being out of school for summer and the other part of the reason is I get the blues. I am an optimist and a realist so I have great faith that I will live a long life, but also being a realist I will have moments of panic and fear at the thought that I know what this disease does to people and how fast something can go wrong. So I have a question for you I didn't want to post openly, do you hear everyone's story's, sad and inspiring and not get blue? How do I find a balance of being connected to the CF world without letting the sadness of some of it consume me? I put it like this to my grandma the other day, I can handle myself having CF it's my life I don't know any different, but what gets to me is that babies are still being born with CF and have to suffer and fight the battles we have been fighting our whole lives, that's what makes me sad, and I know a lot of CF'ers say the same thing about not knowing any different but as a mother seeing a child be affected by this disease is heartbreaking to me. It inspires me to do fundraising but it doesn't seem like enough. I sometimes feel we are being withheld from a cure because of the pure business of money making for drug company's. I'm sorry if I used this message to ramble or wasted your time, but I just wonder how you find the balance?

Response: So yes, I certainly read about and talk to many parents who have lost their children to CF and I myself have lost a handful of close friends. Whenever this happens I generally have the same reaction:

Compassion- I of course feel very sad for the family, but it is followed quickly by my next feeling;

Relief- I'm just so happy that the fibro or cyster no longer has to endure his or her pain and suffering;

Motivation- The fact that right now everyone born with CF dies with CF motivates me beyond no end to never stop fighting for awareness. At the very least, I want every person in this world to know what's killing my friends;

Self-reflection- I then think, am I doing everything possible to put myself in the best position to prolong and even possibly avoid the feeling of loss and despair for my family?;

I kind of look at our CF journey like this...we're all driving a car flying down the highway. Just the mere fact that we're driving in the car increases the chance that we'll get in an accident and die, having CF increases the chance that we'll get sick (have an accident) and see an earlier death than people not driving cars (non-CFers). Now, the question becomes, what do we do when we see a bad accident on the side of the highway? Do we completely stop our car and put ourselves in harms way? Do we see the accident and say a prayer for the people involved?

Do we slow down and hope nobody hits us from behind? Or do we see the accident, say a prayer for the people inside and then use it as a reminder that we better stay focused on the highway? We all know that if you focus on the accident for too long, you will definitely get in an accident yourself.

Now, you could say, "well what if I don't want to take my eye off the road and just drive (not be involved in the community)?" I would say that is a personal choice and one that many within our community make. For me though, it's a choice that I won't make. I like to see everybody else's car on the highway, how they drive, how they take care of their car, what color it is, who's inside, etc. I think we can really learn how to drive our car on the highway if we watch others around us drive theirs.

And yes, we're going to see some accidents, we're even going to see some accidents that result in death, but we're also going to see a lot of cool cars and meet a lot of great drivers. We're going to have the opportunity to meet some fellow drivers on the side of the road and let them ride in our car for a bit until they get a new one. Heck, we may even be driving a tow truck at the time and be able to carry them along for awhile.

As I look back at the highway I'm driving on, sure I see a lot of wrecked cars and tire tracks, but I see many more cars to the right, left, in front and behind me traveling just as fast or faster than I am. And if I see a wreck, I'm always willing to pull over and see what I can do to help, but I know that I'll have to get back into my car soon and drive.

Edit from Ronnie: Some of you may have just read that and thought to yourself "that sounded really insensitive". To be honest with you, when I read my words over again, if I were an "outsider", I would probably think that too. But for those of you who know even just a little about me, you know that I will do anything and everything for absolutely anyone in this community. My heart breaks every time we feel a loss, but it doesn't only break for the dead, it breaks for those of us still left here on earth. That's who I'm fighting for. I'm fighting for Josh. That's why I wake up everyday with a smile on my face and make sure that at least one more person in this world will hear the words Cystic Fibrosis. I'm fighting for Sara. That's why I thank God for her every morning. I'm fighting for Emily. That's why I will not stop until CF is a thing of the past. I'm fighting for Mandi. That's why I will never stop taking care of myself and loving those around me. I'm fighting for Kat. That's why I will do everything in my power to reach those in the CF community early enough to make a difference. I'm fighting for Jamie. That's why I try to answer as many questions as I can. I'm fighting for Kate. That's why I try to bring hope to the parent's of CFers. I'm fighting for Jesse. That's why I try to show the "normal" what our normal looks like. I'm fighting for us. That's why I was put here. That's why.

Toddler Travel Tips

I should probably preface this whole blog post by saying that I am not an expert when it comes to traveling with a baby/toddler, but we recently had someone ask us to post tips on the blog, so I'm doing just that. With that said, please leave additional tips in the comments section if you have any!

Ronnie, Mckenna and I headed out to the east coast with my parents for a family friend's wedding in Delaware. I was a little nervous, to be honest. Mckenna is the typical toddler. She doesn't stay interested in any one activity for longer than 34 seconds (ok, I'm exaggerating, but not by much) and she cannot sit still. She rarely will sit still to even watch a TV show or movie (she's actually never sat through a whole cartoon...even fast forwarding through the commercials). The only time we can get her to sit still for a "long" period of time is in her high chair, with an activity. So with that here are my tips:

1) Bring new toys - When you think you've packed enough toys to last a lifetime, pack a few more. Before the trip, I went and bought some new toys for Mckenna. I tried to find cheap little things that I didn't care if they got lost, so I went to Michael's and a dollar store. I got a little mini baby doll, some squishy balls, little people and animals that walked when you wound them up, a sticky spider, you name it. I then bought two little bags that zip at the top and split the knick-knacks between the two bags. This way I could hand her a little bag to play with by herself for awhile. I figured the zipper would take some time, then tearing through each toy would take some time. I actually handed off one of the goodie bags to another mommy on the plane that was struggling with her little man (I'm pretty sure she was clever and flew during his nap time...however, he didn't nap!) I also bought some fun "activity" type toys, like giant beads to put onto string as a necklace, crayons to color, and a new sticker book.

2) Fly during a good time - If little johnny boy is always cranky in the mornings, that would be the last time I'd want to be on a plane. Mckenna doesn't have definite cranky times anymore (she used to always be fussy in the evenings as a baby), but she is more likely to be cranky in the afternoon than she is in the morning. So we flew in the morning, and through her nap. I was hopeful she'd eat up some of the flight with a nap, and she did. Just know, flying through naptime could backfire if they don't nap. The poor mom on the plane with us had it happen and neither of them looked very happy! Mckenna isn't a sleep-anywhere-nothing-can-wake-her-up kinda kid, so I didn't know how she'd do, but thankfully she slept a little.

3) Bring a change of clothes for everyone - I packed a change of clothes for Ronnie, Mckenna and myself. We thankfully didn't need them for ourselves this flight, and just needed to use the change of pants for Mckenna (I left her in the same diaper too long and it leaked), but we did have one trip where Mckenna spilled my coffee over the both of us and I was glad we had a spare.

4) Pack extra diapers - We haven't had to use them, but I always feel good knowing we have plenty of diapers to get where we are going, and usually use a bunch of the spares when we get where we are going, buying us extra time before having to get to a store for diapers.

5) Load up on snacks - What better time to teach your child to entertain themselves with food. Ha! I kid. But seriously. We flew through lunchtime, so I had a sandwich, raisins, pretzels and fruit pouches (is that what they're called?) I did read somewhere that you should steer clear of too much sugar, as it could backfire with a hyper kid. I took their advice.

6) Get them their own seat - This one isn't always possible. Flights can really vary in price, and sometimes this just isn't possible (or reasonable). This was the first flight where we booked Mckenna her own seat, and holy smokes was it worth every cent. We brought her car seat on board (we then used it in our rental car as well). Mckenna isn't a huge fan of her car seat, so I wasn't sure how it would go. But I figured it was better than no car seat. Mckenna is "trained" to use her car seat. She knows what it is, how to sit in it and that when she's in it, she's in it until we say it's time to get out. Mckenna is not trained to use a plane seat. All I could picture was the climbing, twirling, jumping, squirming, etc that would happen in a chair twice her size with no harness holding her in. It worked beautifully. We actually let her out of it only to go to the potty. I figured if we let her out other than that, all we would hear would be, "out, please."...for the remainder of the flight.

7) Gate check a stroller - We went back and forth on whether to bring our stroller each time we have flown with Mckenna. Each time we are glad we have it. It helps to have a place to strap Mckenna into, it can hold a bag or two, and it can help us move that much faster if needed. But even more than at the airport, it's really nice to have it when you get to where you're going. We always bring our jogging stroller, that way we can run when we get there.

8) Put on a smile - You will be everyone's worst nightmare when they see you walk on the plane. Sure there's a grandma or two who will smile and wink at you as you drag what looks like all your worldly belongings down the aisle, but for the most part, there's a look of fear in your fellow travelers' eyes. When you find your seat, give huge smiles to all your neighbors and assure them you'll do all you can to make the flight as painless as possible for everyone. When the going gets tough, throw an extra smile their way and start passing around your snacks.

So far traveling with Mckenna has always been better than I think it will be. But I'm certain at some point there will be a flight from you know where!

Thankful Thursday: Awesomeness & Secret Handshakes

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for family. I absolutely love spending time with my family. I enjoy all of them. Their different personalities. Their strengths. Their quirks. I am so thankful I get to spend so much time with them.

I'm thankful for secret handshakes. Mckenna and I now have one and, well, it's pretty awesome.

I'm thankful for Ronnie. There are many things about Ronnie that I love and that I'm thankful for. But today, I'm thankful for the way he builds me up. He always makes me feel like I'm the most awesome person in any room. And while I'm never the most awesome person in a room (unless, of course, I'm alone in that room), I always know that in his eyes, I am. And I love that!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for a clever wife. Mandi mothers and wifes(?) like she's been there before. I don't know how she's such a natural, but I do know that I love it. She just makes life so much easier for Mckenna and I that it's not even funny. I would list out a ton of examples, but I don't want to be giving out her "secret sauce"!!

I'm thankful for mobile hotspots. We're currently at a location with no internet. Generally, that would cause a slight panic for me since everything I do is online, but fortunately, our phones can act as an internet router in a pinch. It's not as fast, but it does the trick.

I'm thankful for God's creation. Whenever I travel, I'm always reminded how diverse and wonderful all of God's creation is. Where I come from, there aren't too many colors, so I can easily forget how lush and vibrant nature can look. It's been nice to see a little bit of "life" in the yards around us this week :)

So, what are you thankful for today?

Here's Why I'm Open About CF

**Reposted from May 2012**

I recently posted a question about CFers and being secretive about their disease. I also asked why some consider their numbers (PFT's) to be a private matter. After reading through all of the responses, I figured I would post my thoughts on here concerning this subject. -Awareness is key. I don't shout from the mountain tops that I have CF, but I also don't hide it. The more people who know about CF and it's affects, the better. Imagine if everybody knew what CF was and that you can't catch it? Would children need to be so ashamed or get teased with comments like, "staying away so you can't get it"? Knowledge is power in every circle of life. The more people know, the less ignorant they become. For ME, and I stress ME, I dedicate my life to spreading awareness so that hopefully future generations won't ask the question, "What is CF?". It would make ALL of our lives easier.  

-If people "look down on you" for having CF, why in the world would you want them as friends anyway? It's not something that I state with my name when I meet somebody, but I certainly bring it up quickly if I see any type of relationship forming. Often, CFers with larger support systems seem to be healthier. An easy way to bring it up with friends (without actually bringing it up) is to set your digestive enzymes on the table before you and your friends dive into a meal. That will ALWAYS get the conversation going.  

-Generally speaking, we only hide "skeletons in our closet" if they are BAD things. CF may be a horrible disease, but it's not a character flaw. People will often react to CF by the way we present it. If I'm very secretive about it, then people will assume that it's some terrible thing that I don't want exposed about myself. CF plays a small role in who I am, but it certainly plays a role. For me, I think it has had a positive effect on who I am and many of my friends and family members have said the same thing. If you spin CF into a positive aspect of your life, friends tend to gain respect for your tenacity and perseverance in facing this disease. You don't become the "sick one" of the group, you become "the warrior".

-A common response I got was that people wanted to be seen for who they were and as an individual yet they didn't want to be seen as "different". To me, this seems like competing answers. Bottom line: I AM different. I have a different hair color than some of my friends, I weigh a different amount than most of my friends, I'm uglier than ALL of my friends, we all don't like the same movies, some of us are smarter than others in the group, and oh yeah, I have CF and they don't. CF does make me different AND it makes me an individual. Many of my friends come to me in hard times cause they've seen me navigate though these different challenges I've had in my life. I wear that as a badge of honor. I'm thankful that CF has molded me into a person that my friends would seek advice from. Would I be that way without CF? I can't say for sure, but I doubt it.

-When it comes to PFT's I think it's VERY important that we share those numbers with each other. If your PFT's are higher than mine, I want to know what you do differently than me. Maybe it's pure luck and you have a superior genetic code when compared to me, but what if it's not? Aren't we all willing to do ANYTHING to improve our quality of life? When I see someone my age that has higher PFT's, I admit, I get a little jealous. First I think, good for them, that's awesome (and I sincerely mean that), but then I think, "I wonder what their CF story is and what they do on a daily basis that is different from me?" I get it that some of us can do EVERYTHING right and still be very sick. Is there anybody out there though that would argue that TRYING to do everything right will MAKE you sick? Of course not. Each of us needs all the help/tips/tricks that we can get our hands on. Personally, I want every CFer to be healthier and happier than me and if I can provide them information on how to get the done, then that's exactly what I will do. We're all part of an exclusive club here that only has 70,000 members world wide. We all play for the same team. Doesn't it make sense that we all share our playbooks?

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Mckenna has always been a talker. We've post several times about how vocal she is. Well those verbal skills make for some serious laughs from time to time. The things she says and the way she says them crack us up. Here are some favorites:

1. "Aye a mimi"- This is her version of "wait a minute". She doesn't say it to tell us to hold on, but rather, when she's doing something questionable. When I catch her doing something I'm not sure I want her to do (like unzipping pockets in my purse, looking in a cupboard, etc), I say, "wait a minute" in a silly voice. So now, in a silly voice when she sees me first see her doing something questionable, she says, "aye a mimi".
2. "mm hmm"and "okay" - Apparently when I list out the steps of something we are doing, "ok, let's get your shoes, put on our hat, get your milk, and get in the car" (all said as I'm doing each thing) I guess I must say, "okay" or "mmhmm" as I do each thing. Well now Mckenna says, "shoes..mm hmm" "milk...mm hmm" as she tells me a list of things she'd like to accomplish. And sometimes I think she uses it thinking it will make her request more likely. Like then it's not a question, but something that IS happening. "Treat....mm hmm" It cracks me up!
3. "OTAY" - Mckenna has realized it's not just what you say, but how you say it. Sometimes when I say something and follow it with, "okay?" she says in a silly voice, "OTAY" and smiles. It's cute.
4. "Oh Memma" - Mckenna says her name, "Memma". And sometimes when she does naughty things Ronnie or myself will say, "Oh Mckenna"...which she then immediately parrots, "Oh memma!"
5. "Du, Ee, Aye" - This would be Mckenna for "one, two, three". She doesn't know how to count, although she does fill in the blank correctly from time to time if you say, "one..." she will say "two" or if you say "one..two..." she will fill in "three". However, when she wants to indicate to you that she is counting (like counting to three during hide and seek or before jumping off the edge into the pool) she says, "Du, Ee, Aye"...sure, that sounds like "one, two, three," right? Ha!

I could go on all day, but those are some of our favorites right now. I love that I can get insight into her little mind and see her personality come through in her words. I'm sure it will only get more fun from here!

Thankful Thursday: Swim Lessons & White Vinegar

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for swim lessons. Mckenna took a two week swim lesson ending last week. It was so cute to watch her in the pool, see how excited she was every time she got to do something with the teacher, and watch her grow as a "swimmer". Mckenna seems to really enjoy swimming and pick things up quickly, so it made for a fun experience for all of us!

I'm thankful for lots of class times at the gym. I was in Tucson for work all day yesterday, so I wasn't able to go to our normal class time. Thankfully, they had a few of our classes in the evening, so I could make up the workout. I'm thankful that our gym allows me that flexibility.

I'm thankful for avocado. I've been adding avocado to my salads lately and man oh man, it's good!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for a full day with Mckenna. Mandi had to travel for work and was gone the entire day yesterday. It was nice to be able to hang with my little girl all day and not worry about work myself (except during her nap time). It also makes it easier for Mckenna and I because there is no "mommy option" and she figures out quickly that she'll just have to put up with me and can't escape to Mandi :)

I'm thankful for white vinegar. I always forget about the magical stuff that white vinegar can be used for. Yesterday I used it to clean and decalcify all of our faucets and they look like new! I need to use that white magic more often.

I'm thankful for extra treats. I'm currently taking a medicine that requires a high-fat snack about 30 minutes before the dose. I usually eat peanut butter, chocolate peanut butter, or some other tasty treat which doesn't count towards my calories for the day. [I'm not trying to lose weight, but I am trying to reshape my body a bit which requires me to alter my calorie intake.] 

So, what are you thankful for today?

Stuck in a rut

I recently received an email by someone that I consider to be a friend in the CF community. We've worked together on a project that had us talking every week for about 3 months and I was fortunate enough to get to know her and her husband. I feel invested in her and was honored that she would reach out to me in this situation. Her writing is in blue with my response in italicized black. It's split up like a conversation so it's easier to follow:

I read your blog post today and I feel like it really spoke to me. Last month my doctors gave me a "new baseline" lung function of 59-60 FEV1 which was down from 80. I stayed pretty positive. After all, I felt fine and was able to run a bit. I sat down and made a plan for myself to keep working out to be able to run 3 miles.  Then life happened. I got called into the hospital to work 3 out of the last 4 of my weekends (she tried the 4th but it was my wedding anniversary).  The girl I job share with has 2 kids who have been getting sick and passing whatever it is around her household.  Although most weeks I still got 2 days off at some point, there were stretches where I worked 8 out of 9 days. I was/am exhausted and now, puny. I'm coughing all night. I get winded doing laundry...much less running.  

First things first, this IS NOT your new baseline. You will simply not allow it to be. You will make the adjustments necessary because the two most important people in your life is your husband and you (You're the most important by default since you are your husband's most precious treasure...at least that's what I tell myself regarding Mandi ;) ) Was the crazy work schedule happening before the "new baseline" or after? 

Life happens to all of us. There are seasons of no problems and seasons of nothing but problems. The trick is to maintain our level of commitment to our health, even at the expense of some things we love in life. When I get sick and life is crazy, I basically have "no life". I handle my "have-to-dos" (in your case work) and outside of that, it's all about my health. If I'm not working, I'm at the gym or doing a treatment. It's no fun, no fun at all. Frankly, it sucks. But, when I'm in the season I always think back on two things: How I felt/feel when my health wasn't my priority, and the about the promise I made to Mandi. I promised her she would never be alone. Ultimately, there is only One person who can keep all promises, but I'll make sure that I do everything on my end to make sure I stay true to my word.

I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you do. I wish I could take it from you. I wish there was something I could do.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I got the "be proactive" lecture from my doctors and I've sent them an email asking what I should do.  I'm just frustrated because I feel like I can't win. Since my coworker has sick kids, I feel like saying "Sorry [name withheld] I can't trade you a day because I may get sick if I don't sit on my couch. You're going to have to tough it out." is so lame.  I'm not missing treatments, and I was exercising.  What more can I do?

Let me say what your excuse is actually, maybe not what she'll hear, but what's actually going on, "Sorry [name withheld], I can't trade you a day because I'm sick. I'm sick because my health is declining. My health is declining because I've been putting more into this job than into my health. I need to put myself first for at least a while and get back on track. You're going to have to make other arrangements.". That is NOT so lame. That's being selfless for your husband. I understand that she may have to find another job or spend (lose) money on different childcare, but frankly, it's either you or her. You'll be the one losing money (and other precious commodities) if your health continues to decline.

There are times in our lives when what we did before will not fit, or fix, the present situation. I lived for years doing the same amount of treatments and exercise all the while watching my lung function decline. I wasn't willing to adjust. I loved my job. I was good at it. I felt valued. I didn't want to give that up. The ICU and the threat of intubation quickly changed my frame of mind. Seeing a lung function in the 20's slapped me in the face. I new if I didn't change, I was going to die.

You're not there, but I don't want you coming even close to that.

My doctor suggested that I may want to try a less physical job...maybe at an outpatient clinic where the patients aren't as sick and don't typically have to be lifted or anything.  But there are no jobs around for that...especially not full time. We can't afford me not to be full time right now. 

I don't think the physicalness of the job is the bad thing (in fact, it could be good). But being exposed to sickness can drastically alter your course. I've never been as sick with non-CF sickness as I was for the past year. I have a little girl who loves to give kisses, and I don't turn them down. I catch what she has almost every time. It's been hard. I'm trying to make adjustments, like washing my hands more and less kisses, but it's real hard. However, I know she'd rather have a living daddy who doesn't kiss her as much than a dead one not kissing her at all.

As far as the job situation, all you can do is to keep your eye out. Also, I'd rather see YOU make the decision to switch jobs, go part time, change careers, etc. than you being forced to change because of a decline in health. 

I realize now that I'm reading this over again, I'm kind of dumping a lot out there. Sorry.  I just wanted to see if you had any ideas. 

Listen, I'm always here for you. Always. You're one of my faves and I actually hurt a little bit reading all of this. I wish I had the answer. All I can do is share with you what I've learned over the years with my (good and bad) choices and you have to take it from there. 

Please never, ever hesitate to reach out.

I'm glad to hear you're doing so well! Your baby girl is adorable by the way. I like seeing all her cute fb pictures. :)

Thank you. Mckenna is just very fortunate that she has a smoking hot mom who passed down half of the genes ;)

**Update: She has been focusing on nothing but work and treatments/exercise for the past couple of weeks and is starting to feel much better. Sometimes a "boring life" is just what we need for a while!!**

Weekend Recap

The holiday weekend is over and it's time to get back into the grind. I don't know about you, but I am SO thrown off by holiday weekends.

Ronnie and I are very routine people. Almost to a fault. Our days look pretty much the same every day, plus or minus 10%, I'd say. He gets up and does a treatment while doing his daily quiet time/bible study. I get up with Mckenna and get breakfast going. We all eat breakfast together. I work for 4 hours, while he watches Mckenna. We all go to the gym. We come home for lunch and eat together. Mckenna goes down for a nap. I do work and/or chores around the house. Ronnie does work and a treatment. Mckenna gets up. I watch her til dinner while Ronnie works. We all make dinner and eat together. Then it's bath time and bed for Mckenna. Ronnie and I lounge on the couch and watch TV. Ronnie does a treatment and I go to bed or watch TV. Then we repeat it. Day in and day out.

When a holiday weekend rolls around, we get super thrown off. This holiday weekend we were lucky enough to have his mom and brother come up from Tucson from Thursday to Sunday, which was really wonderful, but also threw us off even more. All day Thursday I thought it was Saturday, by Sunday, I had no clue what day it was! But it was awesome. We filled the days with relaxation and good conversation. Saturday we had breakfast with Ronnie's aunts and cousin. And then went to my parents to go swimming. It was fun to see Mckenna showing off her "swimming" skills to her Grandma and uncles.

Mckenna loves having her "Maw maw" (grandma) here with her. Poor Grandma didn't get to sit much all weekend. Every time her tush hit the couch Mckenna would grab her hand and "command" her to stand up and do something else. "Maw Maw up!" "Maw Maw sit!" "Maw Maw go!" I think Grandma may be happy to be back at work this morning, sitting in her desk chair without a little 2.5ft pipsqueak telling her what to do! Ha! Mckenna also loves her Uncle "Dran" (Grant). Mckenna is always a little leery of males. But she has always been warmer with Grant than most others. Maybe it's his sweet efforts to win her over. A tickle of her toes here. A genuine laugh at her silliness there. He always comes up with the funnest games for her to play. She still is cautious, and doesn't get too close (like a kid at a petting zoo), but she's pretty smitten. The cutest was after our pool day. He would say, "boo" and pop up at her when we went swimming at my parents' house. So the next morning, when she saw him sleeping on the couch (we don't have enough beds for both Grant and Ronnie's mom so he gets the couch in the family room) she excitedly ran over to him and said in a whisper, "Dran, BOO!" It is so sweet to watch her relationships blossom with each of her family members. I love watching the unique relationships she develops. With each grandparent, aunt, and uncle she has different things she does with them and remembers about them. It can be weeks from the time she sees any one of them, but as soon as she sees them, she recalls something about their last encounter and attempts to recreate it. It warms my heart to know just how loved she is and how much love she will give as the years go on.

We are all trying to get back into the groove. Thankfully our gym schedule wasn't thrown off, so we won't have to be working hard to get back into the swing of things in the gym. However, work and chores around the house may be another story. Anyone know where the laundry fairy lives so I can give her a call for help? Ha! I sat down to work today, opened my email, and stared blankly at it for a minute or two. Trying to get my brain back into the zone. What is it about long weekend's that makes you feel like you lost brain cells? Ha! Anyways, I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend with friends and family.

Some Feathers May Get Ruffled

Ever so often, I'll write a blog on here that will ruffle the feathers of some in the CF community. It's rarely, if ever, intentional, and my intent is never to upset my readers or make them feel bad. It's something that goes along with the territory I guess. I think an ex-preseident of ours said it best: 

“You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” - Abraham Lincoln

Another thing that goes along with the territory is negative responses from some of my readers. These include, but are not limited to - personal attacks, attacks on my family, unfounded accusations and attacks on my faith. 

Fortunately, the positive reactions outnumber the negatives ones about 100 to 1. I always keep that in mind when someone decides to take it upon themselves to try and "hurt me" because I "hurt them". 

I'll tell you what the best medicine is though, it's getting responses like the one below to my blog yesterday:

Mama: Hi Ronnie, I just want you to know we are so grateful for you and how encouraging you are! [Son's name] is doing his treatment that he does not want to be doing and read your post about how you did not do your treatment like you should of and he said, "Man, mom, Ronnie is so encouraging!!!". Thank you sooooooo much ! 

Me: I'm so glad that he can find encouragement from some of my posts. My hearts desire is that others, the next generation, learn from my mistakes and don't make the same choices that I did. If I can change someone's life as a result of my stupidity, I'm glad to do it. Thank you for sharing that with me. Made my day!!! 

Mama: Are you kidding, you just helped me stop nagging, I get tired of hearing myself, too.

That's EXACTLY why I do what I do. I've been very upfront about all of the bad choices I've made. I talked about the different tricks that CF can play that I fell for hook-line-and-sinker. I write because I hope that people like the Mama above and her son are reading. I hope that something I say can help them make better decisions than I did growing up. Simply, I hope that the next generation treats themselves much better than I did.

I'm often reminded by this quote of a fellow cyster in the community that I think put it best:

"I wanna help as many CF'ers as possible. It's therapeutic to think my failure could be someones success." - Michelle Matta

I love it. After hearing that, I just knew that she had to write a guest post on RSBR, which she did, here. I reminded her however that failure only happens when we give up and it's an outcome of deciding not to try. Both failure and success comes in many forms and is different for each person involved. Fortunately, I've rarely seen anyone in the CF community flat out fail!

Lastly, I'd just like to thank all of you who send kind notes, emails and encouraging comments. You keep me going. I'll continue to write as along as there are people out there who will read, and hopefully, leave this blog feeling encouraged, motivated and/or inspired. 

I've come to realize this -  The feathers of my generation may get ruffled while I encourage the next generation to fly higher and straighter at any cost.

I wish I wasn't FORCED to do treatments.

I remember the good old days as if they were yesterday. Those were the days I was able to do treatments on my own schedule, whenever I wanted, and work cystic fibrosis around my life. Those were the days when my doctors recommended 2 treatment sets a day and 3 if I wasn't feeling quite up to snuff. Those were the days I was running around like crazy and it felt like I barely had enough time to get in even the 2 recommended treatment sets a day.

In those days my treatment sets consisted of albuterol, Pulmozyme and the Vest. I only did TOBI when I was in the hospital, or when my docs convinced me that I needed a month or 2 at home. If I could go back to the good old days, I would. (If only to correct the mistakes I made concerning my health)

If I took better care of myself when I was younger and actually had less responsibility and no one truly dependent on me, there is no doubt that I'd be a better version of myself today. I firmly believe that I'd be a better husband, father and friend.

It's funny, because now I have real responsibility in my life and I do truly have less time for treatments and exercise.  Back in the day I was filling up my time doing many things that didn't have any real impact on the world nor did I have a family that I was required to put first. I often think back on the “good old days” and wonder what in the heck was I doing?

[SIDE NOTE: They wanted me to do at most 90 minutes of treatments and 30 minutes of exercise a day back in the "good old days". Today, I often do 90 minutes of treatments in one sitting. It's not uncommon for me to put in 240 to 300 minutes of treatments and exercise each day.]

Back in the "good old days" doing my treatments was a choice, a choice that I wish I would have made more often. I would have been much better served to have treated my body well when I was healthier than to take my health for granted, as I did, and end up at a place that I wish I never experienced.

For those that are new to this blog I'll give a very brief summary of what really changed my CF journey:

When I was younger I was very active and I never missed any treatments. I was very active and I didn't miss any treatments because those were the rules that I had to abide by to live with my parents. When I moved out I started making my own choices with regards to treatments and exercise. I didn't always make the best choices. I saw my lung function steadily decline from 97% in 2000 (the year I moved out of my parent's house), to a baseline of 70% in 2007 (I was in the hospital for 30 days every 3 months),  to an all-time low of somewhere in the 20's in 2009 (I was too sick to blow in the ICU and blew a 31%, 10 days into a 52 day stay). I decided during that hospital stay that I could no longer exercise only “when I had the time” and that 2 treatment sets a day (which I was actually doing consistently at this point) just simply wasn't going to cut it anymore. I wanted to live.  

After leaving the hospital in March of 2009 I made a dramatic change. I started exercising and/or working out every single day. I started doing 4 treatment sets a day, no matter what. I added any additional medication that I could take. I added an inhaled antibiotic every month. I decided that if I was going to take care of myself, the way that I should, I was going to go all in. If I wanted the results I was aiming for (an FEV1 of 75% after they told me to be happy if I got it up to 55%), I knew that my health was no longer a choice, but a "have-to". 

Through hard work, dedication, and the grace of God, I was able to regain and surpass all of the lung function that I had lost in the previous 10 years. 

I sit here today writing this blog feeling better than I have in a long, long time. The cool thing is that I'm able to say on most days that I feel better than the day before. I recently had an FVC of 92% and that's something I haven't done since 2001. My FEV1 baseline is 75% now, and I haven't seen that baseline since 2003. My life is fuller and more enjoyable than at any time in those years I was making my own decisions concerning my health care.

It's not all good news though - I am FORCED to do treatments. I am forced to exercise. I am forced to put my health first.

If I don't put my health first, even for a day, I feel it. I can no longer miss a treatment here and workout there and not feel a negative impact from that decision. If I want to be at my best, I have to do all my treatments; I have to get to the gym; I have to put my health first.

Back in the “good old days” I could miss a few treatments without consequence. Back in the “good old days” I could sit on the couch for days on end and still have the lung function of most of my peers. Back in the “good old days”, health could be more than a few notches down on my priority totem pole and I'd still be able to live a full and active life.

Not today.

If I miss treatments today, my lungs feel tight, my breathing is suppressed, and my lungs are junky. If I don't move around for an extended period of time, I feel incredibly lethargic, I get very achy, and taking a full breath is nearly impossible. If I don't put my health first and at the top of my totem pole, I wouldn't be able to take Mckenna to the park every morning; I wouldn't be able to tackle life with Mandi; I wouldn't  be writing in this here blog.

When I look back on the “good old days” I realize that though they were good, they weren't great. In all honesty, they were pretty pointless.

The love I had for life back then pales in comparison to the love I have for my wife today. The fulfillment I got from the "good old days" isn't even in the same universe as the fulfillment I get from being a daddy.  I'm able to write about the "good old days" with a new purpose, a purpose that wouldn't have been discovered if I continued to live in the "good old days".

Things would be a lot different today if I would have taken better care of myself in the "good old days". If I would have put my health first when I had the choice, maybe I wouldn't be forced to put it first today. Choices in life are a great luxury to have. When I had that luxury, I made really poor choices. Today, with that luxury gone, my only choice is to live a life full of treatments and exercise if I want to be the best version of myself each and every day.

I don't have many regrets in this life, but I do wish that I would have listened when they tried to tell me that the "good old days" pale in comparison to what God had in store for me.

I can promise you this - I would have made better choices.

IVF Update

...There isn't really one - Ha! I just don't really have much else to write about, and figured some of you might be curious where we are in the process. I think we posted about taking some time off. I needed a break from being on meds. With the exception of a day here or there, since November, I was on some type of IVF med. I was feeling a little nutty, mentally and physically. I wanted to have a little break from the injections, hormones and stress that comes with an IVF cycle, let alone the back to back to back cycles.

We decided to just take a month off. It feels great to not be on any meds. I feel like myself again. It feels so nice to not have the emotions of a crazy lady, control over my body, and to just not worry about what medication and procedure I have when. My time off has felt incredibly freeing to be honest. Almost like a summer vacation. That's how I know we made the right choice for our family.

A month off sounds like nothing, yet it sounds like a lot all at the same time. When you want and crave to be pregnant again. When you want so badly to have another baby, a month sounds like an eternity to postpone it. It feels like you are putting your dreams on hold, forever. You think about the due date. You think about how 5 more weeks will feel, waiting. You hate putting off the unknown for another month. You think to yourself, "well, if we take a month off, and next time doesn't work, then we're looking at another potentially 4 months before we are pregnant...4 months?!" And I can tell you, if 1 month feels like a long time...4 months is BRUTAL. It's a total mind game. 1 month sounds like an eternity to wait to start your next chance at your dreams.

But at the same time, 1 month is so short. In the big picture of life, 1 month is nothing. I know this. Mentally I know this. When the kid(s) is 15, will I remember this month? Will I care about this month? Probably not. And I know that. So we went ahead with the decision to take a month off.

And what's crazy, is the month off is almost over...Where did the time go? It sure didn't feel like an eternity once we got into it.

Our month off is almost over. And we will be diving back in with both feet. I feel really rejuvenated. Refreshed. I'm ready to take on this next cycle. We will share details at some point. It will be another long protocol of meds, so we have a ways to go. We aren't yet sure when/how we plan to share all the details. But please keep the process in your prayers. Pray for patience (for me) and pray that God provides us with exactly what He has planned for our family.