When Life Gives You Lemonade

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about that old saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." You know this quote well, I'm sure. It seems like it's the go to when you're being told to make the best out of a bad situation. I've even heard variations of this quote, "When life hands you lemons...suck out all of the Vitamin C," "When life hands you lemons...ask for salt and tequila," "When life hands you lemons...find a kid with a paper cut" (that one's kind of mean, and I'm not sure it's really making the BEST out of a bad situation, sounds like sharing your pain with others?).

We've all heard this quote, and it's always said by someone meaning well. Telling us to make the best of the "sour" situation we're in. I often hear people using this term when talking about life with CF, or to people with CF. And while I get the motivation behind the statement, something, lately, isn't sitting right.

You see, this statement implies that the thing we're dealing with is inherently bad. But that may just be OUR perception of it. If the Lord gives you a struggle, in order to strengthen your character, your faith (and who knows what else) to further His plan and for our ultimate good, is that thing inherently bad? Romans 5:3,4 says: Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

I understand that the argument then becomes, "Right, but that's the point of the saying, something good (Hope/Lemonade) can be made out of something bad (Suffering/Lemons)." But my rebuttal is this: How drastically different would our view of hardships be if all along we viewed them as lemonade? What if we never had to force ourselves to create the lemonade out of the lemons? Instead, what if every hand we were dealt we assumed was lemonade? Some lemonade may be more sour, some may be very sweet, but never-the-less, it's all lemonade.

How would your life look if everything was lemonade? How would your view of your job change? How would your view of our marriage change? How would your view of CF change? How much easier would the day be, if everything was lemonade?

Baby Batter Appointment

Today, I go to what I am calling "The Sperm Doctor" for an initial consult before a procedure called MESA or TESA (to be honest, I don't know which one. I guess I'll learn tomorrow). I'll obviously be able to divulge more information as I learn it tomorrow or you could just ask Mandi because I'm sure that she's paid more attention to all of the details being thrown at us over the past few months. As I understand it, they need to go into my testicle and retrieve sperm. Again, not getting the procedure done tomorrow, just the consult.

For those of you that don't know, about 95% of CF men are sterile. I fall within that 95%. It's not that we don't have sperm, it's just that it can't come out. Here's a very quick and simple explanation. The testicle makes sperm and semen. A tube carries semen from the testicle and a tube carries sperm from the testicle to meet up with the semen. I, along with many men with CF, never developed the tube that carries the sperm to meet up with the semen. It's called a congenital absence of the vas deferens (if you want to get all technical). Since I don't have the tube to carry out the baby makin' process naturally, they have to go in and get the sperm.

So, today we go in and talk about what the procedure looks like and when it will be done...at least that's what I was told :)

Thankful Thursday - Mommas and Gyms

We can't stress enough how important it is in our own lives to slow down when things seem to be getting "fast" and just think about the little things that we're thankful for. We had 2 brave souls join us last week in expressing their thankfulness last week and we're hoping that more climb on board today! I have a little "Linky Tools" at the end of this post that you can use to join the party and link up your thankfulness post! Feel free to spread this around to anyone you know that may like to participate.

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for the time I've had with my mom. I always love when she's in town, and she's leaving today :( We've had an absolute blast together the last 3 weeks, and I'm bummed to see her go, but man oh man am I so thankful that we have the great relationship that we have and that she'll be back relatively soon. I'm so thankful that she was able to be back in the states for 3 weeks.

I'm thankful for our gym. The last two weeks we've been back into our workout routine at the gym, and I LOVE it. I am so thrilled that we have such a wonderful gym, and one that is so close to our house. It eliminates the excuse of travel time - we just ride our bike there. How blessed are we that we can work out at a nice gym, that is close to our home!

I'm thankful for hot chocolate. I've cut out all caffeine because I read somewhere that cutting out caffeine can help the quality of your eggs, and even though my doctor said it won't effect anything if I drink caffeine, I cut it out just to be safe. But man, I miss coffee! I am so thankful that I at least have hot chocolate to start my day with!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for mommas. Yesterday was my mom's birthday and I'm so lucky that she was the woman God punished with raising me. I'm not sure anybody else could have done it. My other momma, Nancy, is leaving town today and I'm sad that we're not going to have her around any longer. I am however thankful for the time we were able to spend together.

I'm thankful that Mandi and I have had the energy to nail our new routine. Granted, it hasn't been for very long, but so far so good. We're eating better, getting to the gym consistently and have been getting our run groove back. I'm hoping we can keep it up as you all know how important I think it is!

I'm thankful for our neighborhood. I was just thinking this this morning when I was walking Jezzabel. We have "green belts" that run through our hood with sidewalks weaving on them that make the most perfect walking path for our morning dog walks. It's very green and peaceful in the morning and doesn't really look or feel like the Arizona that I grew up in.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA, LOVE YA!!!!

That's the Way It's Supposed To Feel

That describes my attitude towards CF for much of my life. Whether I was short of breath, had lung pain or a bloated stomach, my response was, "well, that's the way it's supposed to feel". As I've "matured" in this CF life, I've realized that I have much more control over this disease than I used to give myself credit for. You see, maturity isn't necessarily what you know, it's what you do with what you know. I've always been up on the latest medicines and treatments offered to the CF community, but I wouldn't be the first in line to take advantage of the "latest and greatest". It's certainly not the case that I didn't care, but in a sense, I didn't want to rock the boat. I felt fine. That's pretty common for us isn't it? Feeling fine. We figure that if we're not feeling horrible, we're ahead of the game. We get used to feeling "just ok" and that quickly becomes our normal while feeling "pretty good" becomes the peak of which we think is possible and feeling "awesome" seems out of reach.

This couldn't be more true in regards to my digestive enzyme choice over the years. I was taking the same PEP (pancreatic enzyme product) for as long as I can remember and because I never had much trouble putting on or maintaining weight, I figured it was doing it's job. Problem is, a PEP should be that and so much more. While I was maintaining weight, I did my best to ignore all of the stomach pain, bloating, inconsistent stools and frequent runs to the bathroom. It had been occurring for so long I figured it was "just the way I was supposed to feel". It wasn't until my hand was forced that I ever even thought about switching enzymes. I mean, why rock the boat right?

When the new FDA regulations came out regarding PEPs, I had no choice but to hop off the sinking ship that I was sailing. I had heard rumblings in the CF community about a new enzyme hitting the market called Zenpep. After doing a little bit of research on my own, I decided to approach my doctor with the information I had uncovered and suggested that I make the switch. He agreed and my journey with Zenpep has been a good one. Instead of being bloated after every meal, I now only look pregnant if I over do it on fast food or pizza (I'd assume that falls in the category of- it's that way for everybody). My stools have become more consistent and it doesn't feel like I'm sitting on a toilet for most of the day. I'm still maintaining myweight, but like I said, that's never been an issue for me.

The biggest thing that Zenpep has done for me was made me realize that "that's NOT the way I have to feel". I got stuck in the "just the way it is" mentality and it was that little blue and white pill that snapped me back into reality. Things CAN change. You DON'T have to settle for "just ok". You DO have options when it comes to PEPs and other meds. I'm very happy that I made the switch to Zenpep and so far, there's no looking back...

...I just wish I would have woken up sooner.

"That's Not Supposed to be There!"

Warning: Detailed account of our IVF process, including detailed descriptions of procedures done to check out my reproductive health. You may want to steer clear of this post if words like "uterus," "cervix," and "speculum" freak you out!

Our first cycle of IVF is moving along beautifully. We are now 2.5 weeks in, and so far, so good. When I last posted an update, we had had some blood work done, and had just started Lupron (the drug used to shut my body down for a month before ramping it up). The Lupron shots are a piece of cake and I've been able to give them to myself most days. A few days I have totally psyched myself out and not been able to actually stick the needle in, so I had to call in my reinforcement, Ronnie. It no longer leaves a red mark and rarely itches, so I guess my body is getting used to it. I'm on Lupron for another 2.5 weeks. The only other addition in my daily routine is that I've been taking prenatal vitamins. I've had very few side effects from either. Some say on Lupron you can get hot flashes, I haven't experienced any. The only issue I've had (and I'm not sure if it's from the Lupron or the prenatal vitamins) is I've not had much of an appetite and felt a little bit nauseous. Nothing horrible, just a little bit uneasy feeling and I feel hungry, but as soon as food hits my stomach, it feels full. Also, I was prescribed a z-pack to take the 2 days before, the day of, and 2 days after the diagnostic tests I'll talk about in a second...

While we assume I don't have any infertility problems, they still have to check everything out. So last week I went to have a few more diagnostic tests done, both tests are used to look at the uterus and make sure there aren't any issues in shape and check that there are no cysts or polyps. The first test I had done was a Sonohysterogram. This one was done in my infertility doc's office. I was a little nervous about it because I read that it can be uncomfortable, but it wasn't too bad. So here's how they do it:

To perform the procedure a device called a speculum is used to open the vagina and expose the cervix. The doctor cleans and sometimes numbs the cervix (I believe my doctor just cleaned). They clean with a little foam pad looking device and you can't really feel anything but a little pressure. Then the doc inserts a small tube through the cervix and into the uterus. For me, this was easier said then done, and the worst part of the whole thing. Turns out, I have a tough cervix to get through - maybe because I'm small, but mainly because I haven't had any kids. He tried to feed the tube through - which feels like you're being pinched/stabbed in your nother-regions - several times before deciding to use a dilator, a tool that allows them to slowly make the opening just big enough to then feed the tube through. **At this point, my doctor did something that was not part of the Sonohysterogram. He did what he refers to as a mock transfer. In which he measured the depth and angle of my uterus, two things that will help him know where to put the embryos during the transfer. Additionally, he made note of the trouble getting through my cervix, so the day of the transfer he can get through my cervix with ease, not disrupting everything. Now, back to the Sonohysterogram - The tube pumps a harmless, sterile saline solution into the uterus, which expands the uterus and makes it easier to see. Then, the doctor uses the ultrasound probe in the vagina to generate an image of the expanded uterus for a few minutes. This is where we ran into a little scare. The doctor had my uterus up on the screen and said, "Wow, that's not supposed to be there," pointing to a big blob attached to the inside of my uterus. He began telling us that it looks like it could be a cyst, which would mean surgery, but they first would try to "knock it loose" with the water they were filling me with. I just about lost it. I felt a lump in my throat forming, but tried to play it cool and wait to see if they could knock it off. Luckily, after a few blasts of water, the blob just disappeared, like magic. He was very shocked, but please and confident that it was just left over tissue from my last period, so we were back on track. He took a few pictures of my uterus and after examining the image of the uterus, he removed the probe, and the saline solution drained...and drained...and drained from the uterus. They are nice enough to give you a GIANT pad (we're talking practically a diaper) to wear home to keep your car from turning into a slip and slide. All in all, it was an easy procedure, the scare of the cyst was just a scare, and the worst part was getting in through Fort Knox, I mean my cervix.

The next procedure that I had done last week was a Hysterosalphingogram, which was done at a medical imagine center. This is much like the Sonohysterogram, but instead of water, this time it's contrast and you're on what looks like a giant xray table. Once filled with liquid, they pulled this GIANT machine over my tummy, and looked at my uterus, ovaries and tubes on a screen - just like a sonogram would look, but instead of being transvaginal this time, it was over-top of me. This was pretty incredible, you could actually see my uterus, tubes and ovaries clear as day. They pumped the liquid into the uterus and watch it to make sure it fills the tubes and the ovaries, this checks for any blockages in the tubes, etc. Again, this one was quick, and relatively painless.

Both tests weren't bad, just gave me some cramping (which felt much like menstrual cramps.) We were pleased to find out that everything checked out perfectly and that we're still on track for an end of January egg fest :)

We have our next appointment on January 17th for an Ultrasound, physical exam and PreART consult with the RN. We'll update after that! Keep the process in your prayers! So far, so good!

Nothing but Notes - Denufosol, Pixel Award, AHCCCS

This week, it was announced that the drug from Inspire Pharmaceuticals, Denufosol, had failed. Hoping to achieve an increased FEV1 after a Phase 3 48 week trial, the increase in FEV1 ended up being negligible. This came as quite a shock because the Phase 2 study of the drug was hailed as a major success. I was personally surprised after speaking with multiple CFers about the drug and hearing that it was doing wonders for them, whether it was increased lung function, increased mucus production or just a "feeling better" response. I admit, I had a lot of hope for this drug and was shocked and saddened to hear the news. I'm left with more questions than answers on this one.

On the bright side, and completely unrelated, CysticLife won a website award (The Pixel Awards) for the People's Champ choice of Best Blog of 2010. That's quite a mouthful! Anyway, we're super happy about it and so thankful that we're able to get some more recognition for the CF community. Anytime that we can get people to hear the words Cystic Fibrosis is a victory for us. Get enough of those small victories and they'll really start to add up. If you haven't yet signed up for an account on CysticLife.org, I would highly encourage you to do so. And, if you sign up before January 11th, you'll be eligible to win an iPad!

Locally, there is quite a storm brewing over the recent decision by the Arizona government to cut funding for transplants for people on AHCCCS. I know some of the people who are or will be affected by this personally, and I just can't wrap my head around this one. I'm all for tightening the budget, and I'm no math major, but I would bet my bottom dollar that cuts to the budget, that won't allow people to die, could be found. I mean, there are some people on the transplant list who have worked their whole lives, paid into the system, and when they need the system the most, it fails them. Cannot explain that one.

Thankful Thursday - Martha Stewart on Steroids

We can't stress enough how important it is in our own lives to slow down when things seem to be getting "fast" and just think about the little things that we're thankful for. Many of you expressed a similar sentiment last week as 6 people joined forces with us and blogged about their own thankfulness. I have a little "Linky Tools" at the end of this post that you can use to join the party and link up your thankfulness post! Feel free to spread this around to anyone you know that may like to participate.

Mandi's List:

I’m thankful for a wonderful week (last week) with both my parents, brother and sister-in-law, and Ronnie in Whistler, Canada. We had such a wonderful time all together. We ended up skiing more than I thought we would (which ended up being fun) and dinners and breakfast in town were a blast. My favorite part was just relaxing by the fire between skiing and dinner. I was bummed, that my dad had to get back to work, so he headed back to Shanghai Monday morning. Not gonna lie, I shed a few tears...like a big baby!

I’m thankful that all of my diagnostic tests (for IVF) this week turned out well. Not only were the results good, but the tests weren’t all that bad. We did have one little scare, but it all ended up ok. I’ll write a long post about all the tests Monday, so stay tuned.

I’m thankful that my mom is a VERY talented woman. She was nice enough to offer to sew curtains for me and Chrissy (sister-in-law). And man is she good at this kind of stuff. She has a good eye for fabrics, she knows how to measure and calculate how much she’ll need (factoring in the repeat (new lingo I picked up...apparently that’s what you call the reoccurrence of the pattern in a fabric, and you have to factor it in when you’re making curtains), she’s great at knowing what kinds of curtains will look best in a space, AND she can actually produce the vision we’re going for. It’s really incredible actually. She’s like Martha Stewart on steroids! I’ll post pictures when we get all the curtains made.

I’m thankful that we’ve been able to get back into the swing of things after the holidays. God’s given us a renewed vigor for work, exercise and eating right. Oddly, I’m actually excited about the increased working out and eating better (I’m a former - from 0-18 years old - couch potato who loved me some junk food)!

I’m thankful to be starting a new year with my best friend!!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful that I was able to spend so much time with family during the holiday season. When getting married, you don't quite know how the ol' "split holidays" are going to happen, but fortunately, we were able to work it out again this year :) We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Mandi's family and then Christmas afternoon with mine. It worked out well and we're just so blessed to have two families that love up on us.

I'm thankful that so far, Mandi is normal. Let me rephrase that as those of you who know Mandi know that is a bold face lie; When it comes to reproduction, Mandi is normal thus far. We've had a battery of tests this week (which I believe Mandi will catch you up on on Monday) and so far, so good. It's looking like God made Mandi with a proper baby maker and we're just praying that things continue to check out.

I'm thankful that I got to ski for the first time and that I didn't kill someone. If you read the blog from a couple of days ago, you'll know that it wasn't the easiest thing I've done, but I'm glad that I finally got the hang of it. I just hate failing. Now, don't get me wrong, I fail all of the time by standard definition, but true failure to me is not lacing up the shoes and trying again. I was bound and determined to ski down that stupid mountain, and by the third day, that's exactly what I did :)

Changing it up a bit...

For the new year, Mandi and I have decided to change up our routine a bit. We'll still be going for daily walks, but we're going to try to commit to the gym 4 times a week plus running 4 times a week PLUS (and it's big for a reason) pay more attention to what we eat. Now I know the first thing many of you are thinking is "What? He needs to just eat everything in sight!", but for me, I'm blessed to actually be in a position to "diet". We're not talking the celery and water diet or anything crazy like that, we're just talking about focusing on more well balanced meals. I'd also like to eat smaller meals throughout the day instead of eating until my stomach explodes at dinner. I've gotten to the point where my clothes are actually uncomfortable at times.

Many years ago I was diagnosed with gastroparesis. I don't want to bore you with the text book definition, so let's just say that instead of digesting my food in 2-4 hours, it takes 4-8 (or something like that). I'll often look and feel pregnant after a meal and if I go into a coughing spree, the meal with often come out looking like it did when it went in. I'm hoping that smaller meals will not only help with this issue, but also help cut down on some of the bloating throughout the day.

Who am I kidding though? I also need to lose a little bit of my belly fat. I'm getting older. I'm slowing down. All of the fat on my body seems to be collecting at my belly. I want to change that. Sounds simple enough right? It should be, it's only science. Calories in, calories out. So while I'm eating smaller, well balanced meals, I'll also be making sure to be hitting up the gym and keeping up with the running. Calories in, calories out.

I'm also looking forward to seeing if I feel better overall by doing this. I've done it once before, but it didn't last very long and I forget how it actually made me feel. Hopefully this time I'll be more aware of it's affects and I can share it with all of you here. And of course, if any of you have any suggestions, I'm all ears!!

Going Home is NOT an Option

First off, I hope that everyone had an unbelievable holiday season and that the first few days of this new year have been nothing but splendid.

I wanted to circle back a bit and update those who have asked, about my most recent "death defying" experience. I am of course talking about my ski trip in Whistler, Canada that I was able to enjoy with my beautiful wife and my ever so lovely in-laws. If you need a refresher on the first day of my trip, please click here. If you want to skip the refresher and just hear the spark notes, here they are:

- Put on skis.

- Went down hill.

- Tried to stop.

- Veered off to the right.

- Almost hit a tree.

- Lost ski in 4 feet of snow.

- Back on feet.

- Fell another 462 times.

- Out of energy.

- Scared of killing myself or others.

- Clicked off skis.

- Walked a mile down the mountain.

That should clear it up. Needless to say, the first day of skiing didn't go as planned and I was very disappointed with the results. I had made it abundantly clear that I was no where near done skiing, I was just done for that day. It got to the point where I felt like a complete liability on the hill and a danger to myself and others...certainly not the best feeling in the world. Not to be deterred, after a good night of rest, I was back on the slopes the following morning. Not only was I back, but I was eager. As I've mentioned many times before on this blog, I'm a competitor. I don't care what it is. If there is a winner and a loser, I'm in. And although there was a clear loser (me) on that first day, I was bound and determined to make sure that there was a different loser (the mountain) the second day.

My goal heading up the hill was a simple one: Do better than I did the day before. I had set the bar so low, that simply staying upright on skis for more than 15 seconds was really all that I needed to do. After a little bit of practice and a lot of encouragement from Mandi, I was beating that stupid hill like a red headed step-child. PAUSE: Where in the heck did that saying come from? If anybody has any idea, please let me know. And I'm sorry to all the red headed step-children out there. I have no interest in beating you up. My biggest mistake the day before was biting off more than I could chew. I thought I would be able to put on the skis and just "get it". That was most definitely not the case.

I think this is a common pitfall in many areas of our lives though. We set out to do something, something that we haven't done before or for a really long time, we fail and then we click off our skis and go home. It would have been much smarter for me to start with the training hill from day one. Or start with trying to increase to 2 treatments a day before going for 4. Or just walking 3 times a week before trying to walk every day. You get the picture. We often have this "go big or go home" attitude, that, although I admire (and am often guilty of), can get us into real trouble. When we're trying to make a life change that is incredibly important to our health, "going home" isn't an option. We may not need to "go big" at first, but we definitely need to go. Just click on your skis and commit to doing the bunny hill before you try to tackle the black diamond.

So that's what I did. I was determined to be the best training hill skier on the slope. Sure, it was a little embarrassing at times skiing next to 3 year olds, but who knows what their story is; they could have been born in an igloo for all I know. Me on the other hand was born on the surface of the sun (Arizona) and had never worn a pair of skis in my life. Completing a full run down that training hill and turning back and forth while doing it, was nothing short of exhilarating. More important, fully committing to the training hill for the entire second day, put me in the position to tackle the same mountain that had defeated me just two days prior. In fact, I went back to that same spot where I lost my ski and started from there. All I could think about as I skied down that mountain was how far I had come. I went from being the defeated to the victor. From the guy walking a mile down the mountain with a bruised ego (and shins) to the guy carving that mountain with the very same skis I couldn't put on two days prior. I set out to do something and I did it. It wasn't without pain, disappointment and frustration sprinkled through out, but I guarantee you that those set backs made the victory that much sweeter.

So as we enter this new year, I encourage all of you to pick out the mountain that you're going to ski. It could be to be more faithful with exercise. Maybe it's getting in an extra treatment per day. It could be increasing your lung function. Whatever it is, pick it out and now go to the training hill. After you're comfortable with that and it feels like you could ski down it with your eyes closed, join me in skiing down the mountain. Don't forget to enjoy the ride and remember all of the hard work you put in to get where you are as you're coasting down the slope. You earned it.

I'll see all of you at the bottom of the mountain.

Side note: This was the 700th post on RSBR. Yippee!!

Time to Get "Un-comfortable"

Resolution (n): 1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination. 2. A resolving to do something. 3. A course of action determined or decided on.

I have to be honest, I kind of despise new year resolutions. I don't dislike the concept, I dislike what they have become. They have become something that people feel obligated to set. People generally hold to them for all of 48 hours (see comic on left for applicable joke), and then they fall back into the comfort, ease, and familiarity of their previous routine. However, if you look at the very definition of the word "resolution", it isn't a flash in the skillet behavior. A resolution is a course of action. It is a course. Not a detour. Once you set course, you stick to that course. What kind of course is it? It's a course of firm determination. Determination makes you stead-fast. Determination is a decided outcome. A new years resolution is to be set if you're planning to change paths and stick to that new path.

Ronnie and I have decided this year, to make a new years resolution. Our resolution is to make ourselves un-comfortable. "Excuse me?" You're thinking. Yeah, my thoughts exactly...at first. Why would I want to be un-comfortable? I'm hyphenating it...in an attempt to show that we don't so much want to be "uncomfortable", we just want to undo the comfortableness we are slipping into. You stay stagnant when you're comfortable, and therefore, we must make ourselves un-comfortable to grow.

So this year we're working to push our limits of comfort, in order to grow; improve. First, we are going to make ourselves un-comfortable with our workout schedule. We have gotten comfortable with just running 3-5 times a week. But running 3-5 times a week isn't doing much for my muscle mass (ok, it's doing a little, but I'm not happy with a little), and it's not doing enough for Ronnie's PFTs. Sure it's keeping them where they are and maybe giving him a few percentage points, but who's satisfied with just a few percentage points? Not us. If you don't know where the ceiling is, why stop with a few percentage points? We are going to get back into the gym 3-4 times a week, get cardio in 3-4 times a week, a start each day with an even longer walk. We've worked hard all of 2010 to get into shape, but now it's time to get into BETTER shape.

Second, we're shaping up our diets. Currently, candy sits in my food pyramid where carbs should be, and I'm pretty sure that's not a great thing (granted, I'm not a certified nutritionist, but I'm going with my gut...literally...on this one). We are going to spend more time, energy, and possibly money to eat more well-balanced meals. The goal of this is not so much weight loss, but overall health. Part of this is because we need better fuel if we're going to be working out more, and part of this is I want my body to have the proper nutrients while trying to get preggers, and (fingers crossed) while carrying a bun in the oven.

Third, we're going to work to make ourselves un-comfortable in our marriage. We going to work on keeping ourselves from getting comfortable. We want to enter each day with an appreciation for the love we have; instead of putting our feet on the floor first thing in the morning taking each other for granted. We want to continue to shower each other with love, adoration, and praise. We want to continue to put the other one first, like you do when you're first dating ("where do you want to go for dinner" "I don't care, where do you want to go" "No, you pick" "No, you pick"....you remember those days right?!) My goal is to be so on top of my game that Ronnie is forced to be un-comfortable; and I know that's Ronnie's goal as well.

So, what resolutions have you set? In what ways are you going to make yourself un-comfortable this year? I'm fired up for 2011...it's going to be even better than 2010, and 2010 was a GREAT year!

Our Whistler Vacation

My apologies for my lack of posts during this Christmas season. We've been on a little vacay in Whistler and I was trying to stay off of the computer as much as possible. I thought I'd ease my way back into blogging by posting some pictures from our fun ski trip...my first one by the way.

Failure: How Do YOU Define it?

“A man may fall many times, but he won't be a failure until he says that someone pushed him.”

So I went skiing yesterday for the first time since, oh let's see, ever. Let's just say that I'm not a natural born skier. Being raised my entire life in Arizona, snow and I have never been able to really get to know each other on any sort of level. I've seen him on TV and read about him from time to time, but only met him face-to-face less than 10 times. During my other meetings I've only thrown him, walked on him, slid down him and once tried to board on him.

FLASHBACK: It was January of the year 2000 and I was on some big ol' mountain outside of Seattle. My buddies were really into snowboarding and wanted to hit the slopes. Being that I didn't want to be left behind and I'm decently athletic, I joined them. We started on the bunny hills as I tried to successfully slide for 20 feet without falling down. Not sure if I ever accomplished my goal, but I do know that I got very bored of the bunny slope and decided to do whatever slope they were on. As we got off the lift and I stared down the mountain, I knew in the back of my mind that I would be in trouble. Nevertheless, I went for it and tried to cut back and forth as much as I could. After going about 100 yards and falling who knows how many times, while watching it seemed like 100 6 year olds whiz by me, I got admittedly frustrated and decided I was done cutting back and forth. I (stupidly) decided to go full speed ahead and get to the bottom of the mountain as quick as possible. Not good. I was humming along with a clear path ahead of me when all of the sudden, a group of those 6 year olds decided to have a pow wow right in path down the hill. I didn't know how to properly stop and I didn't want to be responsible for taking out a group of kids, so I bailed. As I was going end over end down the slope all I could think about was taking them out despite my best efforts. Fortunately I came to a halt about 10 yards before I hit them. I was laying there, dazed and confused when I man in a bright orange jacket came skiing up to me, " Dude, are you ok?" he asked. "Uhh, I think so" I replied. "Cool, that was awesome!!!" he seemed to shout with excitement. I happened to think it was the opposite of awesome. I clicked off my board and walked up the hill approximately 40 yards to grab my beanie which had been flung off my head. It was easy to find since I was able to not only track the big divots of snow, but also the blood that had come from my nose. After I grabbed my beanie, down the mountain I walked, feeling like a pretty big failure. On the bright side, I was able to watch the entire Rose Bowl while sipping on some coffee in the lodge.

Ok, so back to my experience yesterday. Being told that skiing is easier than snow boarding, we decided that I could just learn on the fly. We got off the lift and picked the easiest way down. My first attempt to go down the mountain resulted in me stopping 5 yards short of a tree, in powder 4 feet deep and Mandi having to fish my right ski out of the snow. Then after many more failed attempts, a ski patrol came over to us and "suggested" we go to the training slope first while eluding to the fact that I could be a danger to the rest of the people on the mountain. By this point I was already pretty exhausted (man the air is thin up here), so I clicked off the skis and waited for Eric (father-in-law) to meet up with us so he could give me some lessons. My issue was three fold: I couldn't stop, when I tried to stop I veered off to the right and I felt out of control the entire time.

After a quick break, we went to the training hill and after many rides up the "magic carpet", I really got the hang of stopping, turning, cutting and all of that other stuff. We then took a lift to a higher portion of the training hill and I was able to make my way down the entire slope without any falls and feeling mostly in control the entire time. I was pretty confident I could take another crack at going down the easiest hill again. Wrong. I did alright the first 200 yards or so. But as it seemed to get steeper and steeper, I felt less and less in control. I started falling almost every 20 yards and then it got to the point where my legs felt like jelly. Not only that, but I felt so wiped, that I feared I had lost the ability to protect myself. After a fall on my right side that knocked the air out of me, I was done. I clicked my skis off a started my way down the hill. I had nothing left. Frustrated. Discouraged. Sore. Out of breath. Embarrassed. Pissed. Tired. And I'm sure a dozen of other feelings overtook my body. I had great support in my wife and in-laws, but nothing they could say would make it better. I failed.

But, as always, there's a lesson in this. I'm sitting here, doing my treatments and LOOKING FORWARD to getting back on those slopes. I told them yesterday that I was no where near done, just done for that day. My only goal today is to be the best darn skier the world has ever known...on the training slope. I seriously want to master that sucker. I don't care if I do nothing else this entire trip. If all of those little 6 year olds can do it, then certainly, so can I! Failure doesn't happen when you set out to meet a goal and come short, failure happens when you give up. And like the quote says that started this blog out, it really happens when we start to blame everybody else but the person in the mirror. I know I can do it. It's just a matter of putting those skis back on and going for it. Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas 2010!!

I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Now go sip some hot chocolate, open up a present and hug someone that you love.

Nothing Says Merry Christmas Like Chocolate Chip Cookie Ovaries

As promised in yesterday's blog, we're going to give the backstory on my "chocolate chip cookie ovaries". But we'll do you one better and give you a full update on where we currently are in our IVF process.

-We met for the initial consult with the IVF doc, which we already posted about, so I'll jump to the next step.

-We attended a 3 hour class at our IVF doctor's office (which, by the way, is called Arizona Center for Fertility Studies). During this class they gave us a complete overview of the process, medications, costs, etc. It was jammed-packed full of information, but it left me feeling a little overwhelmed, nervous, and as if I was going to forget something.

-We ordered my "stimulating" drug (which will help me to have a ton of eggs), HMG, from England, online (the website was suggested by our doc). It was really easy to do. The doc faxes a script; you order the meds; they ship them within a few weeks; and you pay 1/5 what you'd pay in the US.

-We picked up my "suppression" med, Lupron, from a specialty pharmacy. Lupron will trick my body into thinking it's going through menopause, so it will have a "rest" period before they stimulate my ovaries with the HMG. This "break" and then "flare" will help get the most eggs possible. I will be on Lupron for about a month.

-On "Day 2" of my cycle (Wednesday), we went to the doctor's office for a transvaginal ultrasound, in which they check out how your uterus and ovaries look. This is where the chocolate chip cookies come in. Turns out, on an ultrasound your ovaries look like little chocolate chip cookies when they're full of eggs, since they have a bunch of dark chips (or eggs) that you can see. We got some exciting news that it looks like I have a lot of eggs - she counted 16 in one ovary alone, so she's guessing I have over 30 total. These will be the eggs that will hopefully mature and be used this cycle. We were excited to hear that everything looked good on this exam, as it was the first test actually checking out my reproductive health.

-On "Day 3" of my cycle (yesterday), we went to my new OB-GYN to get acquainted and to have a slew of blood work ordered (they test for everything from HIV to Rubella to hormone levels!). He did a quick physical exam also and all checked out. He said, "they should have you pregnant in no time. You'll be an easy one." I have to tell you, those words made me happier than if he had told me I was the pretty woman he had ever seen!! I was psyched to hear a doctor say what I was hoping. Although, I need to manage my expectations, you never know!

-After that OB-GYN appointment, we headed to a lab for them to draw my blood for all my blood work that was ordered. You know how labs are, we sat there waiting for 45 minutes, and once they called me back, it took all of 2 minutes and I was out of there. We expect to here the results from all the blood work sometime next week.

-Right after the Lab (literally...we were in the car) Ronnie gave me my first Lupron injection. The thought of Ronnie sticking me with a needle worried me, but he was a pro. He said, "take a deep breath, exhale..." and boom, he stuck me and it was over. It is the world's tiniest needle! The injection site itched like a son of a gun for about 7 minutes, was red for about 20 and then everything was back to normal. Pretty cool! I'll be doing Lupron injections once a day (in the morning around 9:30 AM) from yesterday until January 28th.

And that brings us to today! All in all I am very excited that we have officially started the cycle and I'm excited to get the last few diagnostic tests out of the way for me (they have a few more things they have to do to verify the prediction that I don't have any reproductive issues) - more on that as they come in the next few weeks. Please feel free to ask any questions you have...we're open books!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

Thankful Thursday - Chocolate Chip Ovaries

We can't stress enough how important it is in our own lives to slow down when things seem to be getting "fast" and just think about the little things that we're thankful for. Many of you expressed a similar sentiment last week as 11 people joined forces with us and blogged about their own thankfulness. I have a little "Linky Tools" at the end of this post that you can use to join the party and link up your thankfulness post! Feel free to spread this around to anyone you know that may like to participate.

We all have GREAT things going on in our lives and sometimes it's just a matter of sitting down and putting it to paper before we realize how good we really have it.

Mandi's List:

I’m thankful for family and family time. My dad got into town yesterday afternoon. To say I’m a daddy’s girl is a bit of an understatement, so it was fantastic to get to see him! We were able to spend time as a family (me, Ronnie, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law). My mom cooked a wonderful meal and we all sat around enjoying each other….and best of all, ripping on each other. There’s nothing like knowing people so well that you know just how to poke fun at each other!

I’m thankful for fun doctor’s offices. We’ve been into the baby makin’ doc’s office quite a bit these last few weeks, and I tell you what, they sure make it fun. Typically doctor’s appointments and being poked and prodded isn’t fun, but the folks at our office are fun…I actually enjoy being there!

I’m thankful for Costco and Sams club. No where else in the world can you buy food in such large quantities! Something about gallon tubs of BBQ sauce, 5 lb boxes of candy and 100 toilet paper rolls per package is exciting. They seen to have everything there, and man am I so thankful to have access to food. Not only the necessities, but the stuff you don’t need and just want really bad (like a bucket of peppermint bark).

Ronnie's List:

I’m thankful that Mandi’s ovaries look like chocolate chip cookies. We went to the doctor today and had an ultrasound done, and on one ovary alone there were about 16 eggs, which is apparently a good thing (more on that tomorrow).

I’m thankful for our yard. Growing up in Arizona, I was often around gravel, zero-skapes and cactus so I never got to experience the change in seasons. Although it’s certainly a little late, we had fall this year in our back yard, as it was covered with orange leaves.

I’m thankful that Mandi’s dad is in town. We’ve already knocked out project number one: getting the sling box in good working order. I look forward to spending some quality time with him since I don’t see him too often (turns out China is really far away).

Rondi's List:

We are so thankful for Christmas. This time of year has such an incredible feeling! Not only is it a time to spend with friends and family, but it’s a time to celebrate the birth of our Lord and savior! We’re so thankful that God sent his son! T minus 2 days til Christmas – YIPPEE!!

Rondi's Recipes: The Hamburger Cake

For our cousin bake-off on Thanksgiving, Mandi and I decided to make a hamburger cake. It turned out well...if by well you mean looked awesome but not tasting great :)

The ingredients.

Any vanilla cake and brownie mix will do.

The set-up.

The cakes.

The destruction.

Fondant burger toppings.

That seriously looks like a piece of meat.

Rockin' and Rollin'.

That's one good looking burger.

Serve with french fries (sugar cookies).

Why don't you do clinical drug trials?

I know I've talked about it before on RSBR, but I just have to talk about it again: Clinical Drug Trials.

Today was my first visit for the new trial that I'm on which will be studying the effectiveness of inhaled Levaquin. I'm super excited for this one, because last year I did an inhaled Cipro study and Levaquin is the "cousin" of Cipro. Why am I excited? Because, and this is "off the record" and completely my opinion, I felt like a million bucks and my lung function increased (mind you, I very well could have been on placebo...doubt it.) Anyway, I'm hoping to have the same great experience with this inhaled antibiotic and I figure if I don't, somebody else is, so it's a win-win in my mind!

I thought I'd list a few reasons you should be doing clinical drug trials:

If not you, then who? If you're one of those peeps who champions a "cure" and does not actively search out drug trials, then let me be frank, you're talking out both sides of your mouth. We will never have a cure without clinical trials. And more immediate, we'll never have better medicines to help control the symptoms. So no more cure talk if you're not willing to put your money where your mouth is.

Speaking of money, you get paid. It's almost too good to be true. You can get paid to do medicines that can potentially increase your lung function? Yes. At the very worst, you get cash money to puff on some saline or pop a sugar pill. This is easy money if there ever was some.

You learn more about CF. Now maybe I've just been blessed with a great research coordinator or maybe she's just wicked smart, but I've learned so much about how drugs work and the anatomy of CF. And to be honest with you, the more you learn about CF, the more you realize that we have a lot more control over this thing than we give ourselves credit for.

You're taking control of your health. Doing a clinical drug trial is just another way of taking control of your health. It's another way of being active and not settling for "the cure" to come to you (when I speak of "a cure", I'm not speaking of our genes being corrected and our cells working properly, I speaking about us being our own darn cure by what choices we make in our lives). It's up to each and every one of us do to everything possible to put ourselves in the best position to succeed.

I could go on and on about the reasons you should be doing a clinical drug trial, but I'll step off the soapbox and save you from my diatribe. On a serious note though, get involved!! Stop thinking about all of the reasons you won't do one, and just do it all ready. That is, unless you can come up with a reason that doesn't sound like a total lame-o excuse, which I am more than willing to listen to.

Which leads me to my next question, why don't you do clinical drug trials?

My Favorite Things: Christmas Edition

Each year, Oprah has an AWESOME episode in which she lists her favorite things for the year, and people in the audience get all the stuff she talks about. This post won't be that awesome, and I won't be giving everyone the stuff I'm talking about...but I would recommend you incorporate some of this stuff into your week this week as you get ready for Christmas.

I am VERY excited for Christmas. Unfortunately, it doesn't get very chilly in AZ (it's in the 70s during the day), so we have to do things to help make it feel cozy and Christmassy! Some are things I've grown up with my whole life, some are new additions to the Christmas line-up.

Christmas-Scents - I have been doing everything I can to make our house smell like "Christmas". I have a few Cinnamon Spice candles I have been burning, but I have a new concoction that my mom showed me. You put water, cinnamon, nutmeg, all spice, and oranges in a pot on the stove, and let it simmer on the stovetop. This was the toned-down version, that she showed me how to make, with stuff I already had, but the real deal uses apple juice instead of water, and also uses apples, cloves, and pine as all. I'm planning to pick up some of that in the next few days so the house can smell even yummier.

Christmas Movies - If there is a Christmas movie on TV, I HAVE to watch it. There is nothing better than watching a Christmas movie with come hot chocolate and cookies! This year I've watched a lot of no name movies (that I have never seen before) and classics like Home Alone. The movie I haven't watched yet, but I will not allow Christmas to come and go without seeing it is Elf. So that is on my to do list this week!

Hot Chocolate - This is a Christmas must-have. We always had hot chocolate as kids, after playing in the snow. We'd sip some hot chocolate and dip a candy cane in it - we'd even add whipped cream on a really good day! Ronnie's mom has spiced up the tradition as she made us home made chocolate goodness to make our hot chocolate out of. You can find the recipe here. It tastes like heaven in a mug...I can't get enough.

Family Time - This is a bit of a no brainer, but family in town makes it start to feel like the holidays. With my mom in town already, and my dad getting here in Wednesday (I CAN'T WAIT) it really feels like Christmas is close. I love having my folks in town and spending time together as a family. I can't wait for Wednesday when the whole family is finally together, and we're kicking things off with a family dinner.

Cookies - Ahhh Christmas cookies. What is Christmas without cookies? This year I made me favorite Christmas cookies for the first time. These cookies always show up at cookie exchanges and holiday parties, but I've never made them myself. This weekend, with my momma, I made them, and they were just as good as I remember. "What cookies??" you ask. Peanut Blossom cookies. These are the ones we made!

Christmas Music - I love me some Christmas music. I of course like the classics, but I have one all time favorite, and that is Amy Grant's Christmas album. As long as I remember, Amy Grant was the soundtrack to my family's Christmas's and I associate such feelings of warmth and joy with her songs. If you don't own Amy Grant's Christmas album, I recommend you buy it!

Ugly Christmas Sweaters - I'm sure many of you have heard of ugly sweater parties. I was reminded of their goodness this weekend at our neighbor's ugly sweater party. But what I really was reminded of, is the awesomeness of tacky Christmas sweaters. The sweatshirt I bought for the party I'd actually consider wearing again this week!

Well that's it! I hope this week brings a lot of excitement, joy, and Christmas spirit! It is truly the most wonderful time of the year. What are some of your favorite things that you'll be incorporating into your week as you gear up for the big day?

Classic Scare

I forgot at the time that my aunt had just had some complications with her heart...whoops.