Mandi Monday: My First Marathon

I did it! I ran a marathon. It crept its way onto my bucket list and I actually checked it off. I'll give you some of the details. And by some I mean more than you really care to know.

Beeep Beeep! My alarm went off at 4:30am and I peeled myself out of bed to make a bagel, drink a cup of coffee, and chug a gatorade. I then jumped into the shower, to loosen up and wake up a bit. I got dressed, got all my things together, and went in to wake up Mckenna and Ronnie (who were both sleeping in our bed because Mckenna has been sick and couldn't sleep Saturday night, so we pulled her into bed with us, and I went and slept in the guest bedroom). Mckenna really likes helping me "get ready" for a race. And she likes "getting ready" herself…as if she was running also. Here she is, ready to go in her black "running" pants, gray shirt like mommy's, number on, and bag.

We all jumped into the car and headed on our way to the start. Ronnie and Mckenna dropped me at the start where I met up with my mom, dad, and our family friend, Ian. 

                                      

We got all ready, went to the bathroom 34839 times (I have a nervous bladder) and stood around taking pictures of ourselves.

Dad tried to intimidate me and other runners by flexing.

We saw the 3:30 pacer. That was the last time we saw him…except when he blew by us. 

Josh and Chrissy were there and amazing. They saw us at 13, 20 and the finish! Josh ran with us a bit.

Mom and Ian were great spectators. They saw us at miles 5, 13, 20 and the finish. At mile 20 mom ran with us a bit while we sipped on a Redbull they brought us.

Dad is a beast. Blowing by some unsuspecting victim at mile 26!

I'm not sure what's better about this picture. The fact I was able to lift up my arms at mile 26, or the huge grin on my mom's face behind me!

Thrilled I could see the finish. Fist pump for the end!

Almost there! Mile 26.1.

I look really energized and happy. Mile 26.15

Together at the finish! We did it!

Lots of thumbs up happening.

My Favorite photo series of the day. One of my greatest accomplishments running to congratulate us on our accomplishment.

Our amazing spectators. Blessed to have so much love and support.

And lastly the splits…for people into that sort of thing. Only one of you? Ok perfect, you are welcome! I ended up finishing in 3:34:56…qualifying for Boston by all of 4 seconds (whew, good thing I decided to "sprint" to the end). All in all it was an amazing day. The race was fun...and by fun I mean painful but rewarding and a great learning experience. Here were my 4 take aways:

1) Anyone can run a marathon. I heard a few scoffs…hear me out! If you asked me 10 year ago if I'd ever run a marathon, I would have said no way. And yet, I did it. I was never a runner, but I started running. And anyone else can work up to it too. You may not be fast, it may take a long time. But in theory, I've been training for a marathon the whole last 10 years…increasing distance little by little. If you want to run a 5k, 10k, half marathon or marathon, just start running.

2) My mind is far stronger than my body. I'll be honest, my body wanted to give up around mile 21. It didn't hurt, per say. I mean it ached all over; both muscles and joints, but I wasn't in actual PAIN. For the last 5 miles of the race, it was a matter of my mind being stronger than my body. Every hill. Every step. Every mile. My body wanted to stop. But I kept talking to myself. I kept allowing my mind to control my body. I need to use my mind to push my body even more on a daily basis. I'm sure I could do far more if I forced myself.

4) If you decide to run a race, find someone to train with. I feel really good about the accomplishment, but I feel even better about the countless hours spent with my dad every week. When I think back on my first marathon experience in 50 years, I won't remember my time, but I know I will remember the hours of conversations, the laughs, and the strengthened friendship. Those are the things that matter most!

3) Lastly, but by far the most important. I need to spend more time every day focusing on things that are eternal. I ran a marathon yesterday. But as I sat in the bath yesterday, thinking about the morning, I couldn't help but think, "welp, that was short lived." I did far better than I anticipated. I even qualified for Boston. But in 2 weeks, let alone 2 years, what does it matter? It literally changes nothing. At all. Yet I spent hours upon hours every week training. I spent a lot of energy and time focused on something so fleeting. It is a good reminder that goals are fabulous. Accomplishing things on earth is wonderful. But I should be more focused on what I can accomplish that has a lasting impact for God's kingdom. Hearing "well done, good and faithful servant" at the end of my life is far better than being handed a dinky metal at the end of a race.

Thankful Thursday: Dad & Mentors

I know, I know, it's Friday and....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!!! WE MISS YOU AND HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for girl time. My mom, Chrissy and I all went out to dinner on Monday night. I was nice to spend some girl time together without our male counterparts.

I'm thankful for great friends. I have a girlfriend, Angie, that I adore. I'm sure she's not reading this, so I'll take a minute to brag on her. I think this may have been on my list last week or the week before, but I don't care, I'll add it again! I feel so blessed by her friendship. She's someone I would choose to be friends with even if she didn't have kids (which isn't always the case with mommy friends, right moms?!? Be honest!) As an added bonus, Mckenna LOVES her daughters and one of her daughters and Mckenna have been friends from birth. I especially love that she is the kind of mom that is never competitive; you may not do everything the same way but you know there's never judgement; and most of all, I know I can have a mom-fail moment in front of her and just laugh. Most days we hang out there is an epic fit or utter chaos that ensues at some point. At some point one of us loses our cool or one of us lets out a HUGE sigh..you know, the kind you let out instead of blowing your top…and the beauty of it is neither of us think twice. I feel like I can learn so much from her as a mom and a woman, and I love her dearly. Ok, I'll end the love fest now!

I'm thankful for my dad. As race day creeps closer, I find myself more and more excited. I'm ready to lace up my sneakers and pound out 26.2 miles. It will feel good to accomplish a goal; to check something off of my bucket list. But more than that, more than any other aspect of the race, I am excited to do it with my dad. We may not run all 26.2 miles side by side, but just the fact that I will start the journey with my dad by my side, like I've started so many other journeys in my life, is pretty special.  


Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for my my wife, and particularly, her dedication. My wife is a machine. Well, a (sexy) human machine. When she decides to accomplish something or knock out one of her goals, she makes a plan and just does it. No waffling. No excuses. She just put's her head down and kicks booty. I will continue to learn from the example my wife sets each and every day for our family. I'm one lucky dude.

I'm thankful for *knock on wood* Mandi staying injury free throughout the course of her marathon training. She's battled poor knees for much of her running "career" and we were afraid that they would rear their ugly head and prevent her from properly training. To our delight, although they have been sore, they have not held her back one bit!

I'm thankful for mentors. I've been fortunate enough to hook up with a couple of guys who have really mentored me through some various business related ventures recently. It's such a blessing to be able to draw upon the knowledge of someone who has been there and is willing to share their wisdom with me. I can feel myself growing in this part of my life and it's pretty sweet!

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

The Simplest Thing: Put It Back

Today, I want to talk about one of the most simple things you could do to brighten up my world.

We all have pet peeves. We all have things that rub us the wrong way or get under our skin. I, in all honesty, don't have very many, but the ones that I do I am very passionate about. At the top of my list?

Shopping carts everywhere in the parking lot except for under the "return the shopping cart here" sign. 

Let me give you a couple of different scenarios that drive me up a wall:

1.  I try to pull into one of the very few parking spots left in a very full lot only to find 5 shopping carts haphazardly blocking the once open space. Please don't be the first person to put their cart in an empty parking space. Your cart becomes a magnet for the others who "don't have enough time".

2.  Watching a kid who is getting paid $7.25 an hour chase down 1700 carts left by his or her perfectly able bodied fellow citizens while sweating in a 110 degree Arizona summer. I know, I know, he's getting paid and no one is holding a gun to his head. But put yourself in his shoes, he gets paid to collect the carts, not cover up your laziness.

3.  Seeing gravel/rock/dirt/vegetation strewn all over the parking lot from a shopping cart forcefully placed on top of some innocent land. Now your creating work for even more people...not that creating extra work for others seems to bother you.

Recently, I saw a woman exit a store with a cart full of goodies. She unpacked the goodies into her cart and then placed her cart in an open parking space catty corner to her cart. Since she didn't put her cart back in the cart return, I figured she had a life-or-death emergency back at home. I was wrong. She then proceeded to walk into another store which required her to walk past a cart return. I kid you not. This isn't the only time I have witnessed this either.

Are there valid reasons to leave your cart wherever, whenever? Probably. But I can guarantee you that those valid reasons are rarely the case. So please, help me out here, is there a bigger reason other than laziness? Maybe, inconsideration? Elitism?

I don't know what it is exactly, I just know that whatever it is, I don't like it.

Am I being too tough on those who insist on not simply putting their cart back where it belongs? Maybe. But if I can have just one of you actually put their cart back into it's proper place after a shopping trip, then I would consider it a worth being too tough.

/rant

Race Week Jitters

Oh boy. 3 months of training has come and gone and race week is here. I'd love to say I've followed the training plan to a T and feel more than ready to smoke 26.2 miles. But that's not really the case. I've stuck to the training plan pretty closely, but I haven't been perfect. There's been a few exceptions here and there because it's quite interesting trying to train with Ronnie being gone for 3 weeks and traveling a fair amount. But I still don't quite feel ready. My legs the last week or two have just been heavy. They don't hurt, they aren't tired, per say. Just heavy. I can still do all my runs, but I don't end a run thinking, "well that was a walk in the park, 26.2 will be a breeze."

But regardless, race day is quickly approaching, so I'm choosing to flip my mentality and get this show on the road. I've never run a marathon, but I've run enough races and exercised enough in my life to know that very little has to do with your body and A LOT has to do with your mind. If I go into Sunday thinking I'm not ready, Sunday will suck majorly. If I go into Sunday thinking I'm going to glide through the race without a care in the world, it will only mildly suck! HA!

Here's what I'm doing to get ready this week:

1) Eating - Ok, you caught me, I eat every week. But this week I'm focusing on eating A LOT of carbs. I'm eating carbs until carbs don't look good anymore. I'm trying to be smart about all my carb consumption because I'd prefer not headed into the race with tons of extra pounds to carry, but I'm focusing on eating a lot of carb rich foods. Bagels for breakfast. Fruit for snacks. You get the trend. I'll focus on getting my carbs in all week and then on race day I'll eat what I always eat before my long run: a bagel with peanut butter and a banana.

2) Sleeping - I'm big on sleep in general. I like to get 7-8 hours a night. I'm happier when I sleep more, which in turn means Mckenna and Ronnie are happier (when momma's not happy, aint no body happy!) But a night or two a week I'll only get 6 and be dragging the next day. This week I'm focusing on getting a solid 8 hours a day so my body is well rested before I beat it up.

3) Drinking - I drink water like a camel. Ever since pregnancy and nursing I have continued to drink about 100oz of water a day. So I'll just continue fueling my drinking problem through the week.

4) Tell myself I'm awesome - Oh goodness. I wish I was kidding. About 3% of me is kidding on this. Unfortunately the other 97% of me is completely serious. While tapering, your mind can play all sorts of tricks. You come off running 40+ miles a week and are essentially barely running, and you begin to feel lazy and out of shape. You wonder if you've done enough. You wonder if you should do more. But this week I'm going to shut down all the thinking with one simple (and humiliating phrase): You're awesome. Ha! I'm going to feed myself that line until I believe it, and then I'm going to feed myself full of it some more. I want to strut to the start line, and tell myself I'm awesome. I want to remind myself of that at mile 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and as I drag myself across the finish. Because if I don't believe I'm awesome enough to complete the race, I probably won't be awesome enough to complete it. So…this week, I'm going to fake confidence til I feel confident :)

Thankful Thursday: Routine & Smoothies

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for routine. The whole month of December we were out of our normal routine since Ronnie was in the hospital, it was the holidays and we were traveling. You never quite appreciate routine until there's not structure in you're life and then you realize routine is awesome! Mckenna is still a little out of whack as we get back into our groove, but I'm thankful to be back to normalcy again.

I'm thankful for mommy friends. Mckenna and I had a playdate this morning with one of my favorite mommy friends! It is such a blessing to have a girlfriend to share life with…the fact our kids love each other is icing on the cake.

I'm thankful for my legs. As I get into the final week of training for my marathon, I am thankful for my legs. They may always be a bit tight these days, but having them ache a little is a great reminder of how blessed I am to have them AND to have had them carry me all these miles. Perhaps our biggest blessings in life are the ones we never take time to thank God for…and legs are one of those things!! In fact, just the other day when Mckenna was in the tub, I happened to start asking her playfully, "Did God bless you with two ears?" "Yep!" She'd respond. "You lucky duck." I'd banter back. "Did God bless you with two arms?" "Yep!" "You lucky duck." We went through all her body parts. I didn't mean it as a lesson. I did it to work on vocabulary (body parts and numbers) and mainly just to be playful during bath time. But as I went through all her body parts I couldn't help but think to myself just how much of a blessing it is that she was born with all her body parts.  
Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for my hamstrings feeling like they are going to rip in half. This can only mean one thing - I got back into the gym this week. After a long layoff I'm so thankful to be back at the gym sweating my tail off and breathing like I have some undiagnosed lung disease ;) The act of working out never feels great, but the sense of accomplishment and the open lungs afterward are worth the pain.

I'm thankful for smoothies. I've gone a bit smoothie crazy over here. There are two reasons for this: After the three week stay in the Hole and the holidays, I have a bit more weight to carry than is comfortable, and one of our Christmas presents was a Vitamix blender. They really are a little piece of magic sitting on the kitchen counter. I love it.

I'm thankful for routine. Our routine has been thrown off for a while and we're now settling back in to same ol' same ol'. Most people aren't excited about same ol' same ol' but I can tell you, we are!! I love knowing what to expect and when to expect it. Our family definitely thrives on structure and routine.

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

The Key is Consistency

No, I'm not talking about this blog (although I am going to try my best to get back to being consistent), I'm talking about exercise.

From June of last year until November 2013, I was an animal at the gym. I was doing our 45 minute work-so-hard-you-pass-out-or-throw-up class at least 3 times a week, and a lot of weeks, I was doing it 5 times. The first month or so was super tough, but as usually the case, it got easier as I got in better shape. By the end of the summer, I was kicking booty and taking names. I rarely had to catch my breath and I was almost always able to complete the full workout without feeling like I was going to die.

My energy level was awesome. My lungs were awesome. My sleep was awesome. My appetite was awesome (probably a bit too awesome). My fitness was awesome. My health was awesome.

Around the beginning of November, I started battling a lingering foot issue that has given me trouble before. I scaled back my workouts as much as I could. I still was at the gym, I just wasn't doing as much at such a high intensity. My foot didn't really get any better, and after 3 weeks of a scaled back workout routine, I was in the Hole.

This is probably a good time to stress again how important exercise is in my life. Would I have ended up in the Hole (hospital) if I was able to continue exercising at a high intensity? Who knows. However, if I was a betting man, I'd say NO. It's happened before and I'm sure it will happen again - When my workouts suffer, my lungs suffer.

Anyway, after 3 weeks in the Hole and 2 weeks of Christmas and vacation, I was back to the gym on Monday. It sucked. (Usually I'm able to stay somewhat active in the Hole, but due to around the clock IV antibiotics, this stay was a little tougher to do so.)

I was sucking so much wind it was embarrassing. It's amazing to me how out of shape I've become in 5 "short" weeks.

Today, I helped a woman out who was new to the class. It was only her second time doing the workout. We were sucking wind together. It was almost as if it was my second time in the class ever. I was able to encourage her after class by letting her know what I have written above - consistency is key, if you keep coming, it will get easier.

Now, I know there are times when we can't control if we go to the gym or workout. Injuries happen. Hospital stays happen. But, if you're able to control it, please, do so. Not for me, but for you. Taking time off feels good at the time, but you'll pay for it down the road.

Consistency is key. It will get easier.

*Now I've got to go and take an ice-bath. I hurt :)

We're Alive and It's 2014

How has it been 2 weeks since we've posted a blog? I blame it on Ronnie. He's in charge! In my defense, I only missed ONE post…he missed 849320842987 (that may be a slight exaggeration…slight). We didn't blog for so long we actually had some people check to see if we are ok. I'm happy to report, we are so ok we forgot to blog. Classic case of all fun and no work ;-)

Anyways, life is good. So I'll try to bring you up to speed…and I promise to give you the super brief cliff note version with lots of pictures…who reads the text anyways?!

Let's start with December 2nd. Ronnie wasn't feeling great so he went into the hospital…

…Uh oh, I think I just heard a few people hurl themselves out of their windows. I won't back up that far and I'll speed it up...

Ronnie was in the hospital. Mckenna and I kept ourselves busy. This stay was actually really great. As I mentioned, I decided to try something new this stay. Mckenna and I took a trip. I was nervous because I had never taken a trip just the two of us, but it actually went flawlessly. We flew to Florida to visit my Grammy. We spent 5 days there and then, since we flew in and out of Orlando, we spent 3 days in Orlando and went to Disney. Here are a few pictures from that adventure:

The plane ride there looked about like this…SCORE!

We did some exploring at Grammy's

We got lots of Grammy cuddles

We took lots of selfies at Disney because that's what you do when you're alone with a kid waiting in lines.

We napped on a train at Disney

We took more selfies (she looks excited, I look tired)

We waited...

And waited…but sometimes with new "friends"…for all you germophobes, I'm sure the ground she's laying on is suuuuper clean. I may or may not have remembered to wash her hands before eating. I may or may not have lost mom of the year (again) through this series of events that day!

We even took selfies on rides. She looks less excited because this was the end of the day…I look more excited because this was the end of the day!

The plane ride home was just as easy as the plane ride there

We looked like this going through the airport…some people smiled at me. Some shook their heads. Every mom gave me that "You got this, Mom. You can do this." look! You moms out there know exactly that glance we give each other!

We then got home and time slowed a bit. We had killed two weeks of Ronnie's stay getting ready for and being excited about our trip, and then we got home and the clock stopped. We did some daddy visits (which actually make time go REALLY slowly. I think hours are twice as long when you have a toddler in a hospital room, right? I think that's scientific fact). Then Mckenna and I went and saw Santa. It was a 4 hour drive there and a 4 hour drive back. And we got stuck up there, caught in a snow storm. I may never go to the North Pole ever, ever again. It would have been worth it, except Mckenna was pretty miserable 98% of the time.

This is how she felt about pictures all day.

She looks happy, but I think she was actually mocking me…how does it start so early?

She was REALLY excited to see Mrs. Claus…until she saw her.

She was equally as suspicious of this elf.

This was my 4th attempt at a photo with the Polar Express train…Are you noticing a trend for the day?

We were snowed in…so I taught her the art of room service and breakfast in bed.

I've read this is the safest time to take a picture ;-)

But before we knew it, Daddy was home. And all was right with the world:

Ronnie came home on the 23rd. So that brought us right into Christmas. We had a wonderful Christmas. We saw his family on Christmas eve, and mine on Christmas day. The day after Christmas we headed to Mexico for a little family getaway with my parents and brother and sister in law.

All in all it was a great holiday season, and we are so thankful for all the many blessings and memories in 2013. 2013 was full of a lot of highs and a handful of lows, but through it all we are so grateful for all we have been given. We are excited for whatever is to come in 2014!

Confessions of a Selfish Wife

Well happy Monday, right?! The title sounds a bit extreme. "It's the holidays…where's the merriness?" You may be thinking. Don't worry, this post won't be as depressing as that title leads you to believe ;-) This post may be a bit heavy for two days before Christmas, but it's timely in our lives right now, so here you have it.

Ronnie's hospital stay is coming to an end. We are so close I can taste it. It's been a decently long stay (3 weeks exactly). It's actually been a pretty good tune-up all around (I'll post more on what Mckenna and I did to keep busy in another post or this one will ramble even more than normal…I know, seems impossible to ramble even more, doesn't it?! Trust me, I can go all day). Anyways, the stay has been pretty good. I think it's been the best one since Mckenna was born. She was good. We kept busy. I kept my sanity. All in all…a win.

During the stay, I got a message from a girl with CF. She is also battling a flare up and is having a harder than usual time getting back up to par. She has a boyfriend. He is usually good at handling her CF, but this time she wasn't getting as much as she needed from him. He was indifferent to her feelings during this time and not opening up. She wrote me asking: "So I guess my question is, how have you and Ronnie had a successful marriage?"

Talk about a doozy, right? I answered her the only way I knew how: honestly. My response boiled down to this…we have a successful marriage, but that doesn't mean I don't suck as a wife from time to time (more often than I like to admit). And not that you're asking, but I'll tell you anyways, here's what I think about successful CF relationships.

CF spouses are people first. I think sometimes we forget this. We all do. CF patients and spouses alike. We are often told, "oh you're so special" for marrying someone with CF. And sometimes we allow those sentiments to change our expectations of ourselves. In reality, we aren't special. We are human. We fell in love with someone with CF, and we went with it. Sure the lifestyle is a little different, but CF spouses aren't the only people that fall in love and sign up for a life that's a little different. In fact, most couples and families have some sort of "challenge" that they "sign up for"…a spouse that travels a lot, a spouse in the military, a spouse that's ugly (haha that one was a really bad joke..I kid. I kid). Anyways, back to my point. The point is, we are just people. And when there are conflicts in a CF relationship, we sometimes bring CF into the mix, when really if we just took CF out of it and just looked at the person or the issue, it would be a different story. For example, in the case of the girl that messaged me. She was concerned that he wouldn't listen to her fears about CF and wouldn't open up. In a CF relationship, and because it has to do with CF, we may blow this up. We wonder, "does this mean he can't handle a life with me? Can he not handle CF?" When sometimes it's as simple as this. He's just a person. He's just a guy. Most guys suck at discussing feelings and would rather rip out their fingernails one by one than sit and talk about their own feelings. When he doesn't listen to feelings about school or work, we don't think anything of it. We give him a free pass and let him play the "honey, I'm a guy" card. We allow him to say, "unless you give me something to fix…let's not discuss it." (Anyone else's husband operate this way?! Unless Ronnie can fix it, he doesn't really want to discuss the what ifs and hear all my hims and haws. I bore him with them anyways, but I know he doesn't really want to hear them). But because it has to do with CF, we sometimes think too seriously about things that may otherwise go unnoticed.

Do I think we shouldn't strive to be extraordinary spouses? No. I think we should always strive to be better. But, ultimately, we are just human. We experience the same less-than-heroic-thoughts that everyone has. Which brings me to my second point: I'm a selfish wife.

Woah… it just got real, y'all!

Here's the truth: my husband sugar coats me in his own mind. We have a great marriage, but I'm not 2013's Wife of the Year. Ronnie thinks I'm the best wife in the world because he loves me, but I suck most of the time. Most of us share the good and keep private the bad (thanks for that, honey!) But I realized in reading her message that we've maybe perpetuated the high expectations for CF spouses through what we share (or more accurately, don't share). I think we only hear the highlights in some CF couples' relationships, and then it leaves younger CF patients looking for this perfect person to spend their life with. When in reality, you'll never find someone perfect to marry, CF or not. You'll just find someone perfect for you. Whoever we marry will always just be a person. All people are flawed and no one is perfect.

I'm a great CF spouse, but I'm still selfish in my marriage sometimes, even in our "CF life." I am 100% ok with Ronnie's CF. I view CF as a blessing. I embrace the life we have. I think, quite frankly, we probably have one of the best lives around. We are extremely blessed, and I wouldn't change a thing about the life we have. If there's someone that is cut out for the CF life…it's me. To an outsider looking in, I could see exactly where her question originates. If you only see the highlights, I can see why there would be nerves about, "have I found someone cut out for this? Some people seem to be more ok with it." But in reality I am human, and honestly, I am selfish. We have a successful marriage, but not because I am always a successful spouse. The week before Ronnie went in, I knew he didn't feel good. But he had been sleeping in every morning (because he didn't feel great) and one morning I was exhausted, so I just made him get up. I didn't care how he felt that morning, I felt like I needed sleep more. His last hospital stay I hounded him endlessly about when he was getting out because I had about had it being a "single mom". I sometimes wish I had something I had to do to buy me 45 minutes of alone time when Mckenna is being a pill. Some hard days alone with Mckenna during a tune-up I have even felt a little resentful that Ronnie is just "relaxing" while I'm running around like an idiot all day trying to maintain my cool (I should note, that the more rational me knows he's not "relaxing" and that it's hard work and he feels like crap and would rather be home. But the me that's fighting a two year old in a battle over something ridiculous isn't rational! HA!) Ronnie gets out today and my first thought isn't, "oh good, he's all better and feeling great." Instead my initial thought is, "oh good, I need a break…" I know those little tidbits are less than flattering. But I think they need to be shared more often, possibly. Even those of us who are totally ok with CF; those of us who love taking care of their spouse; and those of us who wouldn't change their lives for anything, have their moments. I was made for this life. I was made to be Ronnie's wife. But I am human. And I have selfish moments.

I think it's important to realize there's a difference between being a CF spouse and being human. I think we need to separate CF from most aspects of our relationships. I think we need to not blow things out of proportion just because they have to do with CF. I think we need to teach younger people that successful marriages are always between two imperfect people. I think we need to allow ourselves and our spouses to be imperfect. I think we need to be honest about how we feel, even when it's not flattering so that others understand what marriage is truly like. I think we need to help others learn what they can expect from a spouse and what they should look for in a spouse. I was so thankful for her note. I think dialogues should happen way more often regarding CF relationships. And I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack!

Thankful Thursday: Hospital Team & One-on-One Time

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

Mandi is taking the day off as Mckenna and her make the trip up to Polar Express!!

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for the support of a comprehensive hospital team (hospitalists, nurses, pulm. doctors, RTs, etc). I've had a fairly normal stay here in the Hole and after two-weeks, I was at my lung function goal. The problem was that I still didn't feel up to par. It felt like I was still fighting off something. I expressed this to my team who then in turn changed up my meds a bit a will give me some extra time in here to see if it helps. I know many others in the community who get kicked out of the hospital the minute they're close to their "baseline". Some even get pressured to leave far before they're ready. I'm just extremely  thankful that my team seems to care about my health, well being and life as much as I do.

I'm thankful for water. We all know how important it is to keep our kidneys flushed when we have this poison, I mean antibiotics, running through our system. I've had some creatinine issues in the past, so this is of even greater importance for me. I'm not sure how much I'm drinking, but it's probably safe to say it's somewhere between 100 and 200 ounces a day.  

I'm thankful for special moments. When Mckenna and Mandi came down yesterday to hang with Daddy, Mckenna and I got some special one-on-one time while Mandi went for her run. We were able to have a special lunch together and then snuggled together for her afternoon nap. Being snuggled up to her during her nap is one of the things I enjoy most. 

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday: Grammy & Steady Improvement

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for time with my Grammy. It's been so wonderful to spend time with my Grammy these last few days. There's nothing better than a chosen friendship that blossoms out of a grandmother-granddaughter relationship. I'm so thankful for the wisdom and joy she's shared with me all these years.

I'm thankful for good sleep. Toddler sleep while traveling can be iffy, but Mckenna has transitioned to the new timezone perfectly and has been sleeping like a rockstar!

I'm thankful for a willing hubby. I'm thankful that Ronnie is always willing to check himself in for a tune-up when he needs it. I know he's healthier for it and I'd kinda like him to be around for awhile…ok…forever ;-)

Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for FaceTime. Apple sure did figure out a way to make these hospital stays easier. I'm able to see the beautiful faces of my wife and daughter multiple times a day even though we're not in the same area code. Mckenna loves to hug the phone and get kisses from her Daddy, which of course melts my heart every time. 

I'm thankful for steady improvement. So far, I have been able to steadily improve while in the Hole. I've had a couple of days that the improvement wasn't all that big, but it sure beats declining. I really appreciate the patience of my CF team to allow me the time it takes to get better in here!! 

I'm thankful for the IPV. Most people don't like the idea of something blasting air into your lungs, but for me, it's quite the treat when I come into the Hole. It always feels like air is going to places that it hasn't been in a while :) 

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

What Brought Me Into The Hole

The last time I was in the Hole for a tune-up was in May. I left after a 25 or so day stay blowing a 73% (with a "baseline" of 75%), but feeling ready to get back to kicking booty. I then had a follow-up appointment about a month later where I blew a 75%. It was at this appointment I set up another clinic visit for roughly 6 months out, on January 6th. I made it my mental goal of trying to stay out of the hospital until then, which would have been a record length of time in-between stays.

Shortly thereafter, I started on an unnamed clinical trial for my specific gene mutation, DDF508.

Since getting out of the Hole in May, I have felt great! My workouts have gone very, very well and I definitely felt more energy throughout the day than I normally do. My mucus seemed very "watery" and I was able to expel it somewhat easily. My breaths were deep and I was moving large amounts of air with each one that I took.

I had very few bumps in the road since getting out in May. A cold here or a sore throat there, but they would last for a day or two at most. I was feeling very good about my January 6th goal.

Things started to change about two weeks before Thanksgiving. I started to slow down. I wasn't feeling bad, just not quite as good as I had before. Still, I was firing at about 90%. I think the biggest factor that led to this slow decline was an injury to my foot. There were days that I wasn't able to put weight on my foot, and therefore, was not able to complete my usual workouts. Not being able to complete my normal workouts is what probably opened the door for CF to outwork me.

You see, I'm convinced that my CF works at the same level, let's just call it level 75, all of the time. It's up to me to work at a level 76 or higher every single day if I want to stay ahead of it. There's no doubt that not being able to complete, or even attempt my workouts, brought me under the 75 level. I know that sounds overly simplified, but you know what, it works for me, so...

Anyway, after a couple of weeks of working below my regular level (mind you that my treatment time didn't decrease, but actually increased in trying to "make-up" for lack of exercise time), I started to feel "off". My coughing increased. My mucus got thicker. My sleep felt interrupted. My energy level decreased. You know, the same old song and dance. I would have 1 good day for every 2 sub-par days. During this time, Mandi and Mckenna were both battling a stomach flu type of thing, so part of me was hoping that my decline was due to fighting their sickness off. If that was the case, I thought, I may be able to make it until January.

That was not the case.

After about 10 days of a slow decline with increased symptoms, I waived the white flag and called in the cavalry. When I finally made it into clinic, I blew a 63%. Not terrible, but not where I need to be. And more important than the number, I wasn't firing on all cylinders and we were all convinced that without intervention, we would continue to watch a slow decline, or quite possibly, a fast one. So, after over 6 months out of the joint, I got booked back in (which by the way, is a longer parole than normal).

It's been 8 full days of antibiotics. After 7 full days, I blew a 69%. I'll take it. It isn't uncommon for me to have no increase or even a slight decrease my first full week. More importantly, I'm feeling better than when I came in, and am looking forward to what this next week brings.

Travel Success

Mckenna and I decided to pack our bags for sunny Florida for part of Ronnie's hospital stay this go 'round. At this point in our lives, one of my biggest jobs surrounding Ronnie's CF is to make sure I'm molding Mckenna's perception of his CF, and our "CF life" properly. Some of it will come by just watching and listening to us, while some of it can constructed. I work hard to watch how I phrase things about his stay. We talk about how blessed we are that daddy can go into the hospital; that he has good doctors; that there's medicine that makes him feel better. We talk about all the fun things he may be doing. When she says she misses him, I tell her I miss him too but that I feel so happy that he can be there getting better and we can spend mommy and Mckenna time. We usually end the chat with a fist pound and a cheer for girl time.

Ronnie's last stay I did a lot of fun adventures around town. I decided the best way to have her think hospital stays were a good thing, was to actually make them a good thing…by making them fun for us. You know...see new things, get away with a little bit more, eat ice cream or breakfast for dinner here and there. This time around I decided a vacation to see my Grammy for just the two of us was in order. So, as soon as Ronnie knew it was time, we booked tickets. I had my Grammy in a holding pattern, and let her know we were coming (all of a week in advance, sorry Gram for the short notice!) I decided to fly in and out of Orlando to get a direct flight to make things a little easier, and tack on a short trip to Disney (if Mickey doesn't scream a good time, I don't know what will).

We packed our bags and left yesterday. I knew flying alone with a 2 year old may be the best idea or the worst idea I've ever had. The trip was full of firsts for me. I had never driven myself to an airport and parked; never flown alone with Mckenna; never rented a car with her alone; you name it. I was a little anxious, but I decided I better suck it up and get out of my comfort zone (this whole trip is that way for me). I left extra time because I knew everything would take longer and just decided not to rush things. I knew she'd want to stop and push buttons, look at people, ride the elevator an extra time. And I knew rushing her would only stress me out, and she would continue to go the same pace! HA!

The day went off without a hitch. We had fun. She was busy on the plane, but she napped some, played some, and was rather patient. She did a great job.

We will see how this trip plays out, but it may end up being a blessing for both of us. My goal was to liven up hospital stays and help shape her little thoughts around them in a way that would make future stays easiest on all of us. But it may just end up being a healthy growing opportunity for me in the meantime. I'm a big believer in getting out of your comfort zone, especially for someone like me…a worry wart. So three cheers for another unforeseen blessing of hospital stays!

Thankful Thursday: Forced Change & Adult CF Doc

It's thankful Thursday time! We all have so much to be thankful for and we love to take this opportunity just to write down each and everything that comes to mind. Please take this time to share with us what you're thankful for as well. If you have a blog expressing your thankfulness, please share the link! Without further ado, here's what we're thankful for:

Mandi's List:

I'm thankful for forced change. With Ronnie in the hospital we are forced to change things up a bit. Flying solo all day each day with Mckenna forces me to get creative. The result? Chasing sunrises. Each morning we have jumped in the car or stroller and "chased the sunrise". Mckenna believes we are going to the edge of the earth (I may or may not have led her to believe that). We get out and admire the sky. "God made that!" She exclaims each morning with delight. "Kenna sleep. Then wake up. God made that!" I haven't let on the order of events actually went: God made that, lots and lots of time elapsed, Kenna born, Kenna sleep, Kenna wake up, it's still there. I'm also waiting to break the news that the edge of the earth is actually just down the block and the earth is round.

I'm thankful for the joy children unknowingly spread. My grandpa is trying out living here for a month. We went to his retirement home yesterday afternoon for a visit. I knew it would brighten his day. I knew it would likely make some of his neighbors smile. I didn't realize, however, just how much joy it would bring some of them. One woman in the hall that stopped to chat said, "oh my mother loves babies". I offered to pay her mother a visit. The women led us to her mother...Who was in some locked down area in the (lack of) memory wing. There we met Miss Barbara. With tears in her eyes she told us we "made her life" (maybe an exaggeration, but incredible none the less). She asked us not to leave and obviously didn't want to let go of Mckenna's hand. After chatting for a few minutes and me having Mckenna perform like a seal, Mckenna gave Miss Barbara a hug and she cried again. I have a feeling we will be visiting Miss Barbara frequently. Funny how kids can provide so much joy and never know it.

I'm thankful for ding dong ditch. Mckenna is doing a random act of kindness each day (like an advent calendar but with random acts). Yesterday we made cookies for our neighbor, "uncle rob". Teaching the art of ringing and running was simply hilarious and endearing. To hear Mckenna recount how we did it is priceless. I'm thankful I get to teach her things like that.
Ronnie's List:

I'm thankful for a new adult CF doc who is as proactive as I am. Just recently, a new doc who actually wants to take care of with adults with CF started at my hospital. She seems very eager to learn, and more importantly, gives credit to the patient for knowing their disease and wants to learn from them. She's been involved with medicine for a long time and just recently got involved in the CF space. I look forward to working with her.

I'm thankful for direct streaming online. The Hole doesn't have all of the channels that I'm used to watching at home (namely, channels that the Wildcats play on), but thanks to online streaming, I don't have to miss a game. Quality isn't as good, but it's certainly better than missing the entire thing!!

I'm thankful for a daughter who still thinks of Daddy when I'm away. That's all.

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

We Went Dark!

We went dark! Whoopsie daisy! We got so caught up in being thankful over the Thanksgiving long weekend that we forget to get online and share life with all of you. Have no fear, we are back now, to bore you more than over :)

We filled the holiday weekend with friends and family. It was glorious. There is no better time spent than with the people we love. Some of the highlights of the weekend include:

- Spending Thanksgiving with both of our families. We split Thanksgiving this year. We had one meal with Ronnie's extended family…all the aunts, cousins, siblings, etc. Just as we usually do. And as per usual, it was amazing. We then headed to my parents' house to spend the evening with my brother and sister in law, my parents, and my sister in law's parents. This was a rare treat. My parents have been living in Asia for the last 5 Thanksgivings, so I haven't gotten to share Thanksgiving with them. It was a great reminder of what a blessing it is to have them back in Arizona full time.
- Spending time with friends. On Saturday we spent the afternoon and evening with one of Ronnie's childhood friends and his wife and son. It was so much fun to catch up with them and to watch Mckenna play with their son. They are great people, amazing friends and incredible parents. Time with that is such a joy and we really need to spend more time together.
- And lastly, but perhaps most incredible, my grand father is now in Arizona as of yesterday. He has lived in Lancaster, PA for the last…well…forever. And he's now our in Arizona to see if he'd like to move out here. Right now he is giving it a go for a month, but if we play our cards right, we may be blessed to have one of the most amazing men in the world living close by. He is such an incredible man and is such a great grandpa, that I would love Mckenna to get to know him even better by having him close by. We will see if he decides to stay for good, but for now, I'm just thankful for a month with him!

Thanksgiving is such a great time to sit back and think about all that we are blessed with. The holiday season in general is a great time of reflection and appreciation. I for one am so excited that the holiday season is upon us and so thankful for all that we have been blessed with this year!

Very Good CF Awareness Video

He Said, She Said: The Day We Met

After being reminded by my wonderful mother-in-law about the first time they ever heard me mentioned, I thought I would write up a quick blog about how Mandi and I met.

On June 27th, 2008 I got a call from a friend about meeting up with the group for a movie and some drinks. I politely declined as I was determined to spend the next few months holed up in my house and have no resemblance of a social life. Well, I guess you need the backstory on that...

Just one week prior, my girlfriend of over two years and I decided that it would be best to go our separate ways. We had a good relationship, no real issues to speak of, but we knew that it was not a forever type of a thing and continuing the relationship would be futile. I was more sad about losing a friend and someone I enjoyed hanging out with than I was about losing a girlfriend. 

After breaking-up, I did a lot of soul-searching and praying and something became very clear to me - I wasn't dating the way God would want me to date and I wasn't dating the type of girls God would want me to date. It's very clear that God wants us to be equally yoked, meaning that both the man and the woman are going in the same direction towards the same God. Even though I had been a part of the church my entire life and had been in relationship with Jesus since my youth, I had yet to date or be in relationship with someone I was equally yoked with. I dated plenty of nice girls, just never the right girl. Ultimately, I knew that if I wanted a life-long successful marriage I would have to find a woman who was in-love with Jesus as much as I was.

I vividly remember humbling myself before God and asking for forgiveness by the way I had been dating. I knew I wasn't dating His way. I also knew that if I ever wanted true success, I would have to date His way. 

And now back to June 27th...so I declined to meet up with my friends that day because I had a history of not being able to be social, without meeting someone. I know that sounds stupid, but I very rarely had no one around. I pretty much had a girlfriend, someone I was "dating" or "just a friend" from 1994 to June 2008. I was pretty sure that being alone for a while was exactly what God wanted me to do. Well, He of course had different plans.

After repeated calls and requests from my friends that day, I finally said "yes" to going to the movie after I was promised that I could show up when the movie started and leave when it was finished. Sounded pretty harmless to me, and since you can't talk through a movie, I figured I was in the clear.

I showed up to the movie theater with about 5 minutes to spare and found my friends who were already sitting in their seats. I gave the obligatory wave and hello and sat down next to my buddy Bryan at the end of the row. I knew everyone who was there, except I couldn't quite pinpoint who the girl sitting next to Bryan was. I had met her before, but only briefly and had no idea what her name was. Being the gentleman that I am, I introduced myself to which she responded, "I'm Mandi and we're going to get married one day." Just kidding. She just told me her name and reminded me that she was Bryan's roommate's little sister.

I honestly don't remember if Mandi and I talked before the movie started, but I do know that she laughed at basically anything I said to the group or to Bryan. At the very least, I was happy to have her around because I'm pretty sure my friends were tired of my jokes. In my mind, anyone who made me feel like I was funny deserved a spot in the group :) 

After the movie was done (I have no idea what movie it was), I decided to join my friends at a little wine lounge close to the movie theater. 

To be continued...

Ronnie decided a he said-she said was in order after a little discussion unfolded on a picture he posted on Facebook. The picture was of how hideous his face was the first 6 months we dated. HA! I kid…eh actually I’m not kidding. It was ridiculous. But the conversation wasn’t really about that. It was between my mom and Ronnie about what in the world they must have been thinking the weekend we met. Ronnie and my parents got off to a “rocky start” (kind of, not really)…and Ronnie thought it’d be good to share the happenings of that first weekend. To really spice things up, we should ask my mom and dad to each write their accounts of that weekend. Hm, now that I think about it…that may be needed.

So, onto that first weekend. And apparently, I’ve just been informed just that first night…for now.

June 27^th, 2008^th I was home for the summer. I went to school at Syracuse University, but my parents and brother all lived in Arizona, so that’s where I spent my breaks.

My parents moved to Arizona after my freshman year of college and my brother happened to get a job here after he graduated from Penn State. I didn’t know anyone here, but since my brother lived here and had made friends, I tagged along with him. His friends soon became my friends. My brother is an incredible guy. I always loved him when we were younger, but as I grew up, I learned to appreciate my brother even more. He’s a man of incredible character. He is endlessly funny. He is compassionate and fun to be around. He is his own person. He always has been. What you see is what you get when it comes to Josh. It is probably his most endearing quality. He is a social guy, but not a guy to hang out with people just for the sake of being with people. He has always been the type to hold friends near and carefully select who he spends a bulk of his time with. I knew anyone he chose to surround himself with would be a person that was worthy of friendship. In a way, he did all the work for me. I would come home from college and knew that I was spending my days with some of the best people to be found in Phoenix. He doesn’t know this, but one of my favorite parts about college breaks was the fact that I would come home, and get to spend time with my brother in a way I never had before. I got to spend time with my brother as my friend. It completely transformed our relationship in a way I cherish. But anyways, that’s not the point of this blog, I can love on him in another blog. The point is, I came home from college and hung out with my brother and my brother’s friends…who I knew must be good people if Josh was choosing to spend time with them. Fast forward…

That Friday night, June 27^th, we decided to go to a movie. It was my brother, my brother’s then roommate, Bryan, and maybe one other friend (how’s that for memory?) Bryan mentioned that maybe one other friend of his would be joining us. We saved a seat for him…whoever he was. I didn’t recognize the name, but figured if he was friends with my brother’s friends, he must be a cool guy. Bryan’s friend showed up after the previews started. He sat down next to Bryan, who was sitting next to me. Killing time waiting for the movie to start, he began chatting with all of us. For some reason he was throwing out brainteasers, not my strongest area. I kept my mouth shut. My genius brother (I am not being sarcastic, he’s really smart…), on the other hand, ate them up. Bryan’s friend cracked jokes as the conversation unfolded. He was funny. Really funny. “What was his name again?” I thought. I hadn’t really paid much attention, until he opened his mouth and was one of the funniest people I had ever met. I love a sense of humor. Every girl has an Achilles heel when it comes to guys. For some it’s looks, for others it’s money…for me, it’s a sense of humor. If you can make me laugh, you are a winner in my book. I’ve dated guys about as varied as you can find…some short, some tall, some rich, some poor, some smart, some really, really, really dumb (yes, it was that bad). But they all were funny. So anyways, as soon as I realized how funny he was, I took notice. It was too dark to really tell much else about him. I couldn’t really tell if he was tall or short; he was sitting. I couldn’t tell if he was good looking or ugly; it was dark. But he was funny. I got nervous. Really nervous. I’m not sure why, but I clammed up and was afraid to talk because I didn’t want to make a stupid joke. I’m not not funny, but I’m not the funniest person you’ll ever meet, which means I fall right in the sweet spot where I make a lot of really, really, not-funny-at-all jokes. And I’m cool with that. I own it…once I know someone. But this guy was really, really funny. Really, really funny people hate stupid jokes. So I shut up.

….then the movie started. 

To be continued...

Thank You Germ Factory

Nothing is new in the Sharpe household, so I will just ramble about small happenings this weekend.

On Friday morning Mckenna refused to eat breakfast. Not a bite. I thought perhaps she was trying to hurry breakfast along because I told her we could play in the rain after breakfast - it never rains, so we are excited and fascinated with rain. Anyways, it was raining and I opened the door so we could see it and hear it. But that wasn't good enough. After she sat without eating for a while, I said we could be all done with breakfast for a bit and go play in the rain. "Mommy go?" she asked. I was hoping she wouldn't ask. It was cold out. But I knew she wanted a playmate. "Sure. Mommy will come too." I didn't really want to worry about peeling off soaking wet clothes, so I stripped us both down to our skivvies before heading into the backyard (yes, we were both in our underwear in the rain, you have now been warned to not show up to our house unannounced). A bit of an embarrassing fact to share, but this move would prove to be a life saver in about 10 minutes. We ran around for a few minutes before Mckenna finally agreed that it was a bit too chilly to play in the rain. So we came back inside. I got her wrapped in a towel and popped a piece of egg into her mouth. "My tummy hurts," she said after swallowing. She then proceeded to vomit all over me, the kitchen counter, and the floor. It was at that moment I understood why she didn't eat breakfast and I felt pretty thrilled about the decision to strip us both down prior to heading outside. We just both jumped in the shower to hose off. Mckenna was a little off Friday, but as kids do, she bounced right back. I assumed it was a fluke.

Saturday, I had a long run scheduled. My dad and I met up and headed out for our 17-miler. It was a fairly uneventful 2.5 hours. I headed home feeling sweaty, accomplished, and ready for a bath. I took a bath and a shower, and headed out to the family room to snuggle up and watch a movie with Mckenna. As I laid there, my stomach started getting uneasy. I thought perhaps I hadn't had enough to eat or drink and that my stomach was fighting back after jostling for so long. I tried to eat toast and drink some water, but it started to build. The nausea got worse. It became obvious that Mckenna's episode the day before wasn't a fluke. That little germ factory is such a good little sharer, I tell you. For the next 10 hours I couldn't keep food or liquids down. By bedtime I was so stinkin' thirsty I wanted to cry. I knew I was probably really dehydrated since I had run for so long and hadn't really kept any liquids down since I had finished. "I will never take water for granted again," I told Ronnie in my desperation for a drink. I went to bed and woke up around 11:30 to try to drink again. Thankfully I was able to keep liquid down through the night and woke up feeling a lot better.

Ronnie is now waiting for his turn, but it's looks like he maybe escaped this one. I can tell he's choosing his meals wisely though…in case he gets to enjoy them twice!

That was our weekend in a nutshell. I know, it was pretty exciting and totally worthy of sharing. Now that you're bored to tears, you may go. I apologize for those 10 minutes you spent reading this that you'll never get back.